Quicksilver
by spottedhorse
Summary: Jim responds to a 911. He responds in time but then things change and keep changing, challenging him in ways he never dreamed of. Changed to M for adult content, ie...Jim and Catherine being very naughty.
1. Call for Help

The call came in from Central Dispatch while Jim just happened to be standing by the Sergeant's desk. It was a 911 but Jim recognized the address immediately. "It's okay Frank, I've got it," he told the sergeant. Then grabbing Mitch, he headed to his car and pulled out of the lot at top speed. Mitch followed in his patrol car. When they arrived at the house, everything seemed quiet, normal. But Jim didn't trust the quiet and approached carefully.

Mitch tried the front door and it opened. The two men entered cautiously, guns drawn and proceeded to sweep the house, one room at a time. Finally they made it down the hall and as they approached the door that he knew was to her bedroom, Jim had to swallow back the bile that was threatening to rise in his throat. _Please God, no surprises behind the door,_ he said silently as they prepared to enter.

The door swung open and Jim released the knob. The room was darker than the rest of the house and his eyes had to adjust. But slowly the contents came into silhouette. And that's when he saw her, lying on the bed. Mitch held back, understanding the connection between his Captain and the woman on the bed, ready to help if needed but giving them some bit of privacy.

Jim stood, hovering over her as he studied her form. She lay on top of the covers, naked. He saw no evidence of physical harm and after a few tense seconds, he saw her chest rise and fall with her shallow breath. His chest constricted at the sight of her lying there, vulnerable and exposed. Finally he found the courage to call out her name. "Catherine," he said quietly. He watched for a response and seeing none, he tried again. His third try was accompanied by a gentle shake of her shoulder. Finally she stirred. He reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. Mitch let out a small gasp as the state of her undress became apparent to him. "Hey Mitch, why don't you find the phone used to make the call?" Jim suggested over his shoulder.

Mitch nodded. He knew that Catherine would be embarrassed later if she realized that she'd had an audience for her exposed situation, so he disappeared down the hall, resolving to stay close but not too close.

Jim found a throw on the chair and put it over her, hoping she wouldn't realize all that he had seen. "Catherine, you need to wake up…"

Her eyes fluttered open with some effort and as he peered into them, he groaned. "What did you take? How many?" he growled, nausea growing in his gut.

"Hmmm?"

"Catherine," he said more forcefully, "what did you take?" He began looking around the room frantically as he realized she couldn't respond yet. Then glancing into the bathroom, he saw the bottle on the counter. Moving quickly, he investigated and discovered a prescription for sleeping pills. The label said there were originally 30 pills in the bottle. Four were missing. As he read the date, he saw that the script had been filled a month ago, so more than likely, she had taken some of the four missing pills before tonight. Relieved, he decided to handle things here rather than calling an ambulance.

He headed down the hall and found Mitch in the kitchen. "The phone on the counter was off the hook," he told Jim. Jim nodded and began putting on a pot of coffee. "It's okay Mitch. I'm going to stay here with her but you can head back. Please….just don't tell anyone how we found her. Okay?"

"Right," Mitch agreed. "False alarm." And he headed out.

Once the coffee was ready, Jim poured them each a cup and headed back to her room. She was still out of it but it did seem she had tried to move. The throw had been kicked off. Setting the mugs on the table, he sat next to her on the edge of the bed and gently coaxed her to wake up. Finally her eyes opened again and even began to focus. "I have coffee," he smiled.

She seemed unaware of the situation; Jim in her bedroom with her lying naked and exposed. He tried the throw again and she tried to kick it aside. Finally he compromised by only covering the most sensitive areas of her body and she seemed to accept that.

Finally, after some more gentle prodding, she woke up enough to accept the coffee. They remained quiet, sipping from the mugs while he allowed her cobwebs to clear. Then, when she seemed coherent enough, he asked his question. "Why did you take the pills, Catherine?

Her eyes widened as her mouth formed a large "O." "I…only two," she said defensively.

"The prescription says only one," he chided.

"After the funeral…I came home and …it just wouldn't stop. The memories, the pain…I kept seeing Warrick, lying in a pool of his own blood. And Gil, such anguish and despair; I've never seen Gil like that. And Nicky…poor Nicky. I wonder if he'll ever get past this."

"Yeah," Jim said heavily. "I know."

"I just felt so alone… and I needed to sleep."

"You're not alone, Catherine. You have friends who understand."

"Friends who are hurting as much as I am," she reminded him. "Even you."

Jim nodded. "Yeah, but how much worse do you think everyone would feel if I had to go back and tell them you'd OD'd on sleeping pills."

"Sorry…I wasn't thinking too straight." Her chagrin was genuine.

They sat quietly again, each in their own thoughts until Catherine set her mug on the table. Her warm hand went to Jim's cheek, softly caressing the line of his jaw as her eyes sought his. "I don't want to be alone, Jim."

As he looked into her eyes, her meaning was unmistakable and sent alarms through Jim's entire being. Swallowing was difficult, but he managed it before responding. "You're not alone, but maybe I should step out for a minute while you get dressed."

Her eyes glanced down at her body and then straight back into his. "Why. You've seen all there is. Why should I try to hide it now?"

"Because…um…tomorrow you might be embarrassed?"

Her eyes held his. "Do you see anything I should be embarrassed about?" she asked.

A grin tugged at his mouth. "No, but I've really tied not to look."

"So stay with me, Jim."

He could see the pain in her eyes …and the fear; emotions he was very familiar with. He knew about long nights filled with regret and sorrow and understood the temptation to find temporary relief, comfort from any source available. He didn't intend to be her source…not like that, not a one nighter that she'd regret tomorrow.

"I'll stay here but only if you get some clothes on. We can talk or not if you want to, but nothing's going to happen that either of us will regret."

Catherine looked at him intently, a denial of her intentions in her throat, but as she studied his face, she knew he had seen through her motives in asking him to stay. It was true; she had intended to use her friend to escape the pain. Shame filled her as the enormity of her intentions set in. What would it have done to their friendship? How could she have thought of hurting Jim like that? "I'm sorry," she said faintly.

His big hand covered her small one as he smiled sadly. "No harm done," he told her. Then he stood. "So get some clothes on and I'll go start another pot of coffee." She watched as he left the room, pulling the door closed as he left. Her eyes filled with tears as she realized her good fortune that Jim had responded to the call for help.

Several hours and a pot of coffee later, she was feeling better. They had talked. At first it had been about the funeral, about how broken Gil seemed even though Sara was back, and about their feelings about Warrick. Catherine admitted to Jim that she'd once had feelings for Warrick and he had told her that he knew. He'd seen the connection between them. He shared his regret over his goading of Warrick that led to assigning him to Holly Gribbs. She commented on Warrick's marriage and Jim told her how Warrick had been there for him with Ellie.

And then they were quiet for awhile, simply finding comfort in the presence of another human being that understood. They sat together on her couch, sipping coffee and relaxing. Catherine was tired in spite of the coffee and leaned into Jim, who raised his arm so that she could rest on his shoulder. He felt her growing limp so he grabbed one of the pillows and put it in his lap, coaxing her to put her head down. She fell asleep, her head in his lap, his hand stroking her hair as he had done with Ellie when she was little. Jim watched her sleep for a few minutes before putting his head back against the couch and dozing off too.

Jim woke to the sensation of being watched. Opening his eyes, he saw Catherine gazing at him with a wistful look on her face. His eyes widened as he tried to clear them and his head and she smiled. Finally he acknowledged her with a grunt.

Her eyes darted away and then back to him, questioning. Her demeanor was making him nervous and he tried to look away. "Why?" She asked him.

His stomach knotted as he realized what she was asking. But he played dumb. "Why what?"

"Why didn't you…I mean most men would have…or do you not find me attractive?"

Jim blinked before his left eyebrow shot up. Grimacing he cleared his throat. "Ah…how can I answer you and not make it worse, Catherine?"

"Oh don't bother," she almost spat. "I get it. I'm getting too old; men just aren't interested anymore."

His hand went to his face, swiping down across his cheek and mouth as he absorbed the impact. Shaking his head, he threw up his hands. "We're friends Catherine. For me to….to do what you were suggesting…to take advantage of you like that…it would be wrong, so wrong."

Catherine frowned at him. "Take advantage? I wanted you to…to be there for me Jim."

"And I did the best I could, Catherine. But you mean too much to me to use you like you were suggesting…to let you use me that way too."

Suddenly she looked defeated. "Yeah, you're right. I just…I feel so cold, so alone."

"What is it you want, Catherine. What do you really want?"

She was quiet for moment and then tears began to slide from her eyes. "I was watching Sara and Gil at the funeral. That's what I want."

"What…crushed?"

"No…but to have someone there for me when I am crushed, someone who will be my strength..."

"I'm not sure who you think is whose strength, but Gil is broken and blaming himself. He thinks he let Warrick down by not being more aware of what was going on with him. I think that if Sara hadn't left, he would have. We all saw the subtle changes in Gil after she left... like he just didn't care anymore. He seemed to finally be coming out of it...until this. And Sara…she's feeling tremendously guilty. Something starting unraveling in Gil when she left and it snapped when Warrick died. They were holding together at the funeral, but barely."

"But she came back to help him…"

"Maybe. But has it, really, I mean? He seems more lost and confused than ever, if you ask me."

Catherine considered all that he had said. "Still, I want someone in my life, someone who really matters."

"Then why try to ease the pain in a one nighter with me?" Jim asked sadly. "Why not look for the real thing?"

Her expression brightened as understanding grew in her. "You thought I …" she laughed. Jim looked at her with a grin but he was not really amused. "You thought I was looking to you for a one nighter?"

He felt the red creeping up his neck into his face. "You seemed to be…I mean, what with the 'stay with me Jim' while you were lying naked on the bed and all. What was I supposed to think?"

She leaned into his face, her lips almost touching his. The temperature between them was rising and Jim had an urge to bolt, but he knew he'd never outlive the wrath of Catherine if he did. "You might have thought that maybe I wanted _you_, not just anybody…just you."

The air around them was suddenly very still and he swore he could hear his heart beating in his chest. "Yeah?"

Her lips were warm against his and smooth. Her kiss began innocently but soon she was nibbling on his lip and then her tongue began to trace a path around his mouth. Slowly, she pulled away. "Yeah," she said before kissing him again.

Jim's mind was reeling. His hands went to her arms and he gently extricated himself from her kiss. "Catherine, what is this?"

Her face remained close to his and he thrilled as her hot breath tickled his cheeks when she spoke. "This is me telling you that I'm interested. I value your friendship but I want more…much more."

"You do?" he managed to say.

"Yeah…" Her tone was confident; Jim felt anything but. "Why?" he asked her, confused.

She looked amused. "Why not? You smart, funny, attractive, and…you're a good man."

He looked at her worriedly. "Not really, especially the good part. I mean, I try but…"

Using her hand, she waved him off. "Not listening," she told him firmly. "I know you too well." Then she grew more serious. "So what are you thinking? Do I have a chance or has some other lucky broad already claimed you?"

Jim snorted. "Yeah right. In case you haven't heard, I've been a bit out of practice these last few years."

"No, I haven't heard. Jim Brass's love life is not exactly the talk of PD."

"Good," he declared.

"But I'd like to make it the hot topic…if the talk includes me." Jim sat, staring at her stunned. "Aw come on, Jim. Let's give it a shot," she cajoled. "What have we got to lose?"

"Our friendship. In case you haven't noticed before, I'm not good with relationships."

"Apparently I'm not either so we are a perfect pair.. Come on Jim, ask me out."

Jim couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd wanted to ask her out so many times but she always seemed involved with someone else. And then they had become good friends and it seemed dangerous to mix any possible romantic feelings he might have into things. Besides, she was way out of his league. But here she was, telling him to do it. Swallowing his concerns and searching his gut for courage, he gulped and looked at her. "Dinner tomorrow night?"

Her eyes lit up as she nodded affirmatively. "What time?"

More scared than he had been of anything in years, he couldn't think. "Can I get back to you on that?"

She smiled. "Okay."

Jim left her house a few minutes later, bewildered by the fact that he had a date tomorrow night. As he drove home, he fought the urge to pinch himself to be sure it was real. And as he pulled into his drive, he let out a small giggle. Whistling, he let himself into his house. He had a date with Catherine and the possibility for something more.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Okay, so I'm in the middle of writing something else and I see a a spot on CBS advertising their shows and Brass is there pointing with assurance and generally being...Brass. I just hope my hubbie never finds out about the other man in my life, lol. Oh how I wish! Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think. Yes, I checked and the little button is still there.


	2. After Dinner Drinks

It was their fourth official date when Catherine invited Jim in for an after dinner drink and he stayed until breakfast, although the drinks were never poured and breakfast became brunch. He would always remember that night as the sweetest night of his life.

It had begun just inside the front door when she turned and pinned him against it. Jim was used to doing the pursuing and this turn of events caught him by surprise, although in retrospect he realized it shouldn't have; this was Catherine after all. Her lips smashed into his, eager and demanding, her onslaught barely giving him a chance to respond before she began a frontal assault with her hands. The intensity of her heat sent flames through his veins, fueling the embers that had been burning in him since the night he had answered her 911.

Her hands travelled down his chest, spreading her heat through his shirt and coaxing a low moan from him. He heard her satisfied chuckle as his response to her became more and more apparent. The doorknob was pushing into his back and he wanted to move away from the door, but she kept him pinned against it, her lips and hands weakening his knees and turning him to putty. Jim couldn't remember ever feeling weaker or more alive than he did pinned against her door. Then her hand brushed his belt buckle and he twitched, jamming his back more into the doorknob, a pained gasp escaping.

Her eyes flew open, a questioning look aimed at his. "The doorknob," he managed to choke out the words. "Gottta move away from the door…"

She snickered as she grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room. The male predatory instincts began to waken in him as he spotted the couch and he veered her toward it. The next few minutes were a frenzied haze of kissing, fondling, and general making out. Somewhere in the fog, Jim realized that he hadn't had this much fun on a couch since high school.

Their activities escalated until they were reaching a point of decision. Was this going to be seriously hot necking only or would it get more physical? If it was going to be the former, then Jim needed to cool down a little but if it was going to escalate…well, Jim was feeling it.

Catherine answered the unspoken question when she reached for his zipper, rubbing her hand down the length of his erection. Her hand on his manhood sent him to a new level of excitement, rolling his eyes back as his head rolled back against the couch, emitting a guttural moan as his head landed. She was over him, kissing and caressing, working at the buttons of his shirt, whispering his name. His hands worked their way under her top, seeking and finding the soft skin on her back and slowly working around to the taut stomach. It was her turn to moan as his fingers slipped under her bra, teasing her already aroused breasts. Suddenly she was off of him, pulling her sweater over her head, exposing the silky blue of the bra. His eye feasted as she reached behind, her breasts standing out and taunting him as she unclasped the fasteners and the garment dropped. His breathing was so constricted that he thought his chest would explode as he soaked up the vision of her, half-naked above him. A lecherous smile grew on her face as she saw the effect she was having on him.

Catherine remained perched above him, enjoying his obvious pleasure at the sight of her, until his big hands covered her breasts, tweaking her nipples and then running his thumbs over her hardness. He watched as her head tilted back, her eyes closed, with her lost in the sensation of his hands on her. Shifting, he rose and pulled her with him, turning to kiss her once more as they stood in front of the couch. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she surprised him by lifting herself onto him, her legs wrapping around his waist and her core firmly against his still covered rod. The impact almost toppled them but he managed to get his balance and then began walking down the hall, their lips locked as securely as their lower torso.

Standing next to her bed, he gently lowered her and her hands went back to the buttons on his shirt. Once the task was completed, it fell to the floor, her hands and eyes already focused on his undershirt and the tufts of hair that peeked out. Her fingers played in his fur briefly before pulling the shirt loose from his waistband and over his head, exposing his thick, dark pelt. "God Jim, you're an animal," she moaned as her lips and tongue went to work on his collarbone, licking and nibbling their way south.

He grunted, his head spinning. Reaching for her button and zipper on her slacks, he had them off in seconds, in a heap at her ankles. Lowering her down on the bed, he slipped out of his own pants and then followed her to the bed. She lay there as he nibbled and explored, writhing and moaning, gasping with each new discovery. And he discovered everything about her. Jim took his time as he made his way over her body. His cock was straining, desiring release so much that it was becoming painful, but he ignored it. He wanted to have all of her, touch and taste her everywhere, so his hands and his mouth travelled leisurely until reaching their final destination.

She shuddered as he slipped a finger between her silky wet folds and then followed with his tongue. As he began to massage her heat and taste her juices, she began to squirm. Enjoying her reactions to his attention, he continued gently to stroke her, his tongue circling her hot button for added pleasure. Occasionally he glanced up to see her watching him, her eyes heavy with lust, her tongue licking her lips with desire. Her hands weren't still either, grasping his shoulders or sometimes running through his hair, trying to grab the short strands as another spasm of pleasure shot through her body. He knew she was closing in on the prize when her hands grabbed his head, pulling him into her with a strength that surprised him. And then it happened; her body began to quiver before erupting in explosive tremors. Her earthy, satisfied moans and utterances echoed through the room as she coated his hand in her sweet nectar.

Jim kissed his way back up her body but stopped at her neck. He knew some women didn't like to taste themselves on a man's lips, so he hesitated. Catherine answered his unasked question, however, when she pulled him to her, devouring his lips with hers. Her kiss was hot and grew more wanton as her body writhed beneath his. Finally breaking the kiss, she prodded him in a lust soaked voice. "Now Jim…" she said as her hand reached for him. He let her stroke him for a minute but he knew he wouldn't last long, not after her initial display; he was too hot and hard to play like that.

Lifting himself off of her, he grinned. "Uh uh, nope," he said as his lips descended on her breast again and he began to repeat the process. He lost count of the times she coated his fingers or his tongue, but with each climax she became louder and more demonstrative, her hips pumping a little harder and her muscles squeezing just a little more. "Jim please," she writhed beneath him, all but begging him. So finally, he acquiesced and positioned the tip of his cock over her opening. He smiled as her hands grabbed the cheeks of his ass and she pulled him closer, her lips claiming his rod and her muscles, weak from exertion clamped down to possess him.

"Sweet Jesus," he exclaimed as he slid deeper inside. "God baby…oh my god…" Jim decided then that he had found heaven. Oh baby, you feel so …ah…good…" She rewarded him with another tight squeeze that sent throbs through his length and made him shudder. She began to move under him, milking his shaft and tweaking his tip as she stroked him. After a few strokes he realized that she had turned the tables on him, getting off on him rather than the other way around. He let her work her magic until he could stand no more and he begged her to stop. She did for a few short seconds, and then grinning wickedly at him, she began her motion again. That was all it took. Jim exploded in a flurry of fireworks and convulsions, shooting his ammunition like cannon fire and coating her with his seed.

His shoulder was weakening and he needed to move before he collapsed on top of her. As he listed to his left, hoping to have better control over his descent, his knee popped and he buckled as pain shot through it. Catherine heard the pop and was instantly over him, asking where it hurt. "My knee," he groaned.

"The one you hurt last year playing hockey?"

"Yeah. It does this sometimes. It'll be okay in awhile, I just need to be careful with it in the meantime."

"Want ice?"

Jim gazed at her, sitting on her heals and studying his knee. "You're beautiful, you know."

"Thank you," she smiled. "But right now we're talking about your knee. Ice?"

"No ice… you," he grinned.

She chuckled. "I would think you'd be all worn out after the last few hours…"

"Speak for yourself," he taunted.

She leaned over his face, smirking. "Bet I can outlast you."

His eyebrow shot up. "You challenging me?"

"You up for it?" She giggled.

Their eyes travelled down his body. Jim chuckled as his state of readiness registered with Catherine. "So soon? I'm impressed," she teased.

Jim shrugged. "It's what you do to me, baby." He reached behind her head and pulled her down to him, his tongue assaulting her lips as soon as they were in reach. An hour later Catherine teased, smirking at him. "Not that I'm bragging, but I'm ahead 2 to 1."

Jim chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her and spooned behind her. Whispering in her ear he told her, "You're insatiable; I surrender. For now I just want to lie here and hold you for awhile." Catherine squirmed into him, welcoming his arms around her and sighed contentedly.

Jim woke to the smell of breakfast. He looked around for his clothes and found everything but his shirt. He slipped into them and limped into the kitchen to discover bacon and eggs with toast ala Catherine. He also found his shirt; she was wearing it. Something stirred seep within him as he watched her, standing at the stove in just his shirt. Standing behind her as she flipped the bacon one last time, he slipped his arms around her waist and nuzzled into her neck, his lips lightly brushing the sensitive skin. Leaning back into him, she squirmed as a satisfied 'mmmm' slipped out of her. "The bacon smells good," he told her.

Smiling, she turned and kissed him lightly. "Thought you might be hungry." Jim surveyed her face; she had the look of an angel, a glow about her, especially her eyes. "I am," he said, "and as tempting as the bacon is, it's you I want."

The little devil that always battled inside of Jim and was largely responsible for his sarcasm was delighted to see the sparkle in her eyes that his words had caused. Jim understood that Catherine was at a tough age in a woman's life where physical changes played games with her mind and emotions and he wanted to be sure that this particular woman understood how very beautiful and desirable she was, even as she was turning 50. He also understood that he was no Prince Charming and definitely not her usual taste in men. But then, those who fit her usual taste had been doing a very poor job of appreciating her lately. Jim saw it as his opportunity. As he watched her, he could see that her mind was spinning, searching for a come back until finally all she did was lock him in one very passionate kiss, one that would have stirred even a dead man's loin and certainly got the attention of his.

"That's not fair," he whispered as she disengaged.

"What's not fair?" she teased as she turned off the fire under the bacon and put the slices on a plate.

His eyes closed briefly, as if to hold the sensations that she created inside of him. And then sighing deeply and taking in a ragged breath, he responded. "That you can do that to me…"

"Do what?" she asked coyly.

"Turn my insides to jelly," he smiled as his fingers worked their way through her hair.

"I think it's very fair," she responded. "After all, I'm going to be sore for a week after last night," she said as her hand reached around him and smacked his ass.

Her impulsiveness surprised Jim and he laughed as he grabbed her. "Assaulting a police officer, are you? There are penalties for that, you know?"

"Penalties?" she asked, trying to look innocent.

"Yeah," he growled as he grabbed her waist and lifted her to the counter. Then he kissed her as he leaned her back over the surface, his hands reaching under his shirt. Passion flared and things progressed quickly. He slid her forward onto his cock, hungry for the feel of her again. He didn't last long once he was inside of her and as he leaned over her, still gasping and trying to regain some strength, he smelled the bacon. He straightened up, reached over for a slice and popped it into his mouth. "Mmmmm, really good," he told her with a satisfied grin on his face. He received a smack on the ass for that one, which he considered more a reward than a punishment.

Realizing that neither of them would sleep if he didn't leave and they both had to work that night, Jim reluctantly told her that he was going to head home for a shower and some sleep. His ego got a major boost as she tried to convince him to stay, not that he felt as if he could feel much higher. The night with Catherine had been unbelievable and he knew it had meant as much to her. He kissed her one last time at her front door and promised to call her later. Then he turned and headed for his car, feeling lonely already.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Really considered not moving forward since there weren't many reviews. But Brass is just too much fun. Hope you enjoyed this one. Please use the little button to let me know. ALso, I love to hear your ideas about where things should go. I have my own thoughts, but I have been known to change in response to reviews.


	3. Blood and Tears

Dear readers, forgive me for what I am about to do...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

People around the LVPD were becoming suspicious. Jim Brass always seemed to be in a good mood and had been for a little over a month. No one could remember seeing him so happy. Gil Grissom knew why but he thought it was no one's business so he kept it to himself. It wasn't that either Catherine or Jim had told him what was developing between them; it was simply that he was very observant and knew that Catherine's mood had changed about the same time as Jim's. Also, she was always eager to take cases that Jim was working. Grissom's suspicions were confirmed when he saw Jim easing out of Catherine's office only a minute or two after Grissom had looked for her there and found the door locked and the blinds drawn, darkness behind them. Adding to the evidence was a lipstick smudge on Jim's collar one morning that matched the shade she had worn the night before. The final piece of evidence was a surreptitious ass grab on Jim's part when he and Catherine thought no one was around. Still, Gil did not let on that he knew. After all, he and Sara had kept their private life together private for two years. He thought he was doing his friends a favor then, when he assigned Catherine to cases that he knew Jim would be working. But one Thursday night, his contribution to their relationship backfired.

Jim was at yet another murder scene, this time an abandoned warehouse just on the edge of town. Catherine pulled up in the lab issued Denali and climbed out, carrying her kit as she walked towards Jim. He'd heard her drive up and turned with a smile as she approached. An appreciative appraisal of her appearance earned him a flirtatious smile and a quick peck on the cheek. "What do we have?" she asked him quietly.

Jim scanned their surroundings, checking to be certain there had been no witnesses to their little exchange and then began to explain. "DB at the corner of the building. Hispanic male, late twenties…early thirties. Coroner is on his way. Looks like he was shot at close range."

"Okay well, let's see what we can find out. They walked to the building and Jim motioned around the side. He followed as Catherine made her way to the back corner where a uniform was standing over the body. Once there, she knelt over it, assessing the situation.

Jim nodded to the uniform, who stepped away and walked back to his car about fifty yards away. Catherine stood and began to search the surrounding ground, moving in circles away from the body. Honey, be careful," Jim said. "There are only two of us here to keep an eye on you and we haven't been able to clear the other buildings."

Catherine looked up at him, minor frustration mixing with appreciation for his care in her features. "I'll stay close, I promise." She continued her search but remained mindful of her distance from Jim. "How long 'til help arrives?" she asked him.

"Just another few minutes. Then we can clear all the buildings and you can have the run of the place."

Just then, another unit pulled up and an officer got out. He spoke to the other uniform, nodded, and then walked towards Jim. After receiving his instructions, the uniform walked to the end of the building where he took a position of watchfulness.

Jim glanced around and became nervous when he realized how far away from him Catherine had gotten. "Catherine," he called to her. She turned and smiled at him. Just as he opened his mouth to tell her to come in closer, a shadow caught his eye and then suddenly, a man appeared behind her, grabbing her and holding a knife to her throat. Jim was moving towards her the moment he saw the shadow.

"Stop or I cut her," the man told Jim.

Jim froze in his tracks, holding his hands out to his sides to indicate cooperation. "Okay, okay…just take it easy," Jim told the man. Out of his peripheral vision, Jim saw the two officers moving closer. "Just don't hurt the lady and everything will be okay."

The man nudged Catherine and the two moved closer to Jim, surprising him. But it worked in their favor because he put him in a position where it would be more difficult for the perp to see the uniforms closing in. "What is it you want?" Jim asked him.

"Out of here," he answered. "I'm gonna take the lady for a ride in your car."

"Okay," Jim conceded as he saw the first officer move within just a few feet of the perp. "Whatever you say…just don't hurt her."

The officer tripped; over what, Jim would never know but the perp heard it, turned to look and in doing so dragged the blade across Catherine's throat. When Jim saw blood, it unnerved him. He moved quickly, jumping into the perp, knocking Catherine out of the man's grasp. Catherine fell away as Jim tangled with the guy. Once he had regained his balance, the man made several stabbing swipes at Jim, one catching him on the arm. Flinching instinctively, Jim gave the man an opening. He dove at Jim slashing as he went. Another swipe hit Jim across the shoulder but this time Jim reacted and swung at the perp, hitting him squarely on the jaw. Catherine was horrified to see the blood that poured from Jim's wounds and yelled at the others to help him.

The closest officer tried to tie the perp up from behind but took an elbow to the jaw as a reward. Then the perp took one more diving shot at Jim, thrusting his knife into him as the perp fell on top. He pulled the knife from Jim and was preparing for another stab when the second officer pulled out his weapon and took aim, shooting the perp in the head, killing him instantly.

Catherine ran to Jim, jerked the perp off him and screamed when she saw Jim's wound. "Its okay, honey," he said weakly. "I'll be fine," he added just as he passed out. Catherine looked in horror at the gash in his lower abdomen and then pulled off her jacket to use for compression to slow the bleeding. The officer was calling for an ambulance. Fighting back panic and tears, Catherine kept pressure on the wound while telling Jim to stay with her.

Gil arrived just as they paramedics were loading Jim and he motioned for Catherine to go with Jim. "I'll take care of things here," he told her. She climbed in the back, ignoring a disapproving look form the medic. Jim came out of it briefly while they screamed towards the hospital. His panic filled eyes seemed to be searching until he saw Catherine. She smiled and covered his hand with hers. "I'm here Jim, I'm okay," she reassured him. He relaxed and slipped back into unconsciousness.

The wait at the hospital seemed interminable but finally a doctor appeared to give her an update on his condition. "We're prepping him for surgery. The cuts to his arms are deep but we were able to stitch them and they should be fine. The stab wound, on the other hand, was very deep. The knife did more damage coming out than going in. There's extensive vessel damage and a vascular surgeon is with him now. Thankfully the knife missed any vital organs but his condition is still very serious." The doctor went on to explain where the surgical waiting room was and promised that she would be kept informed, as there was more to report.

"Could I see him…before he goes to surgery?"

The doctor looked into her frightened face and nodded. "Yes, but only for a moment. You realize that he won't be awake?"

"Yes, I just need to…I just need to see him," she said meekly.

She was shown to the room where he was being prepped. He looked gray, she thought…like he was dying. But she fought back tears and stood next to him, talking softly and telling him she was there. A nurse approached after a few minutes and tactfully suggested that it was time for Catherine to leave.

Grissom arrived while Jim was in surgery. A couple of detectives had stopped by also to check on Jim but had returned to PD. Catherine knew that as word made it around, more fellow officers would appear.

"Any word?" Gil asked.

"Not yet," she sighed.

Uncomfortable with what he was about to say, but knowing that he needed to offer it, Grissom cleared his throat. "Catherine, I've known for awhile about the two of you. If you need anything…"

Catherine looked at him with surprise. "You've known about us?"

"Seeing the two of you together…I just followed the evidence."

Her smile was weak but genuine. "I love him Gil. I didn't realize how much until I saw him bleeding all over the ground."

"Yeah," he sighed. "You can realize you have something really special, but you don't always appreciate what it is until you almost lose it."

Catherine realized he was thinking of Sara. "You felt that way about Sara?"

His eyes seemed to be looking far away. "I knew I loved her but when she was kidnapped…it was as if a part of me had been ripped away. And when we were out in the desert looking for her, I was dying inside. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, so many things that I needed to say."

"Have you told her since then?"

"I've tried, but I'm not sure she's heard me…understood me. That experience unleashed some demons inside of her, ghosts that she needed to put to rest. That's why she left, you know…to put the past behind her forever."

"But she's back now…" Catherine said hopefully.

"Yeah, but things have changed…I've changed. Everything with Warrick…"

"The way you see some things has changed, Gil. But have _you_, really?" She was eyeing him thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?" He was looking confused.

"You still love her, right?"

"Yeah."

"You've told her?"

"Of course."

"And the things you needed to say after she was kidnapped?"

"Nooo," he drawled. "Not since she's been back."

"Say them." Her tone was matter of fact, straightforward.

"It's too late," he said, nodding negatively.

"She's still here, isn't she?" He nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "So tell her," Catherine said.

"But…"

She sighed heavily. "I swear Gil Grissom, for a smart guy you can be so damned stupid sometimes. Go tell the woman how you feel about her…what you feel about the two of you as a couple. Tell her what you want. Do you want a future with her?"

He looked sheepish. "I asked her to marry me."

"Did you mean it?" His headed moved up and down slowly to confirm his desire. "Then stop being so obtuse and tell her. She loves you Gil. Don't let things fall apart between the two of you."

Something lit in Gil's eyes as he absorbed her meaning. Suddenly there was an energy about him that Catherine hadn't seen in months…since Sara's kidnapping actually. "Go," she smiled. "I'll be okay here. Go tell Sara right now before you lose your nerve."

"You'll call if…there's any news?"

"Yes, now go!" He did something that surprised them both. He leaned over and pecked her on the cheek in a brotherly fashion. "I'll be back," he assured her. And then he was gone.

Finally, the phone on the desk rang. A volunteer answered. "Anyone here for Brass?" she asked after listening to the receiver. Catherine bolted for the phone. "Yes," she spoke into the mouthpiece.

"Mr. Brass is in recovery now," a voice said. "You may visit him briefly, if you would like."

"Thank you," she said as she hung up.

She made her way down the hall and slipped through the doors marked 'recovery.' A nurse greeted her and indicated the corner of the room where Jim lay. As Catherine approached, his ashen color scared her. She recognized all too well the color of death.

The nurse spoke softly. "He lost a lot of blood. We've given him some and he will receive more in a few minutes. Then his color should improve."

"Why the delay?" Catherine asked.

"We had to send to the blood bank for more. He went through several pints while they fought to get the bleeding stopped. The doctor will be in shortly to check on him and he can brief you then."

"Thank you," Catherine said as she stepped closer to him. She put her hand over his gingerly and was relieved to feel warmth. Glancing at the monitor, she saw that while his vitals weren't great, they were acceptable. Her eyes made their way back to his face, tears forming as she studied his countenance. Years of worry and frustration had been rough on him and he had seemed to age a little more rapidly after he had been shot, but next to Lindsey, his was the face she loved most in the world. She finally understood that. Her hand gently stroked his cheek, the bristle of his five o'clock shadow prickling her fingers. He stirred a little, eliciting a small moan before settling back into sleep. Catherine felt rather than saw the nurse approach. "Miss, time's up. I'll tell the doctor that you are in the waiting room."

Catherine leaned over, planted a tender kiss on his cheek, and then whispered into his ear. "I love you." Straightening up, she smiled at the nurse and walked out. Once she was in the hall, she leaned against the wall, sighed deeply, and let the pent up tears of the past few hours fall. She left a trail all the way back to the waiting room.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Forgive me? Poor Jim got hurt...again. And I guess season 9 is on my mind because I just had to mix that little bit of GSR in there, even though I don't like the pairing. As always, I'm begging for reviews. Do we like the way the story is going? Good, bad, indifferent? Your thoughts are most welcome.


	4. Road to Recovery

Catherine spent the night sitting next to Jim in ICU. A nurse tried to chase her out but she refused to leave. The vascular surgeon happened to come in to check on Jim as the nurse was trying once again to kick her out. He introduced himself to Catherine and inquired about her connection to Jim.

We're…together," she said.

"Married?"

"No… not married."

"Engaged?"

"Um…no."

"So…you're just dating?"

Deep inside, resentment was growing in Catherine at this man's inquiry, along with fear that he would order her out since she wasn't a member of Jim's family. "We've been friends for years, worked together…but now we're seeing each other and our relationship has grown, deepened." She fought tears as she continued. "He was stabbed trying to defend me."

The doctor eyed the cut on her throat. "You got that in the altercation?"

"Yes. The man held a knife to my throat and when Jim saw him cut me…that's when he went after the perp."

"He must care very much for you." The man was smiling sympathetically.

"As I do about him. He…I love him."

The nurse was watching, ready to remind her once again that she should leave. The doctor saw the nurse and understood her intention. Looking back at Catherine, he smiled. "I don't think your presence will disturb him. In fact, your encouragement might help him." Then glancing at the nurse, he told her to let Catherine stay as long as the patient was resting.

"But doctor…" the nurse began.

He glared at her. "You heard my orders; please follow them."

She sighed and walked out. He turned back to Catherine. "As long as you sit quietly, you shouldn't be bothered again. But if something happens and we need to come in, you must leave."

"I understand," she said. "Thank you."

He went about his mission, checking Jim's chart and watching his vitals on the monitor. Then he carefully rolled the cover back to check Jim's incision and stitches. Catherine watched intently, glancing at the man's face for clues to Jim's condition. Her chest tightened when the doctor frowned and sighed.

"Is he…alright?" Catherine asked. What a silly question she thought; of course, he isn't alright…

Rolling the covers back up, he looked at Catherine somberly. "It was just such a nasty stabbing. We're lucky that none of the organs were hit but it still tore him up inside. It's going to be a very painful recovery."

Catherine relaxed some as she realized he was talking about Jim's recovery as something that would happen. "But he will recover?"

"In time, yes. Barring any complications, of course. I expect him to be out of it for a day or so and then we'll put him on a self-medicating machine so that he can control the pain. Antibiotics are a given considering the location of the wounds…high risk of infection. Sitting and walking will be difficult because of the pain and because some major blood vessels and muscles were effected. There was also some nerve damage but I think that will come back with time. Nerves have a way of healing if they are not too severely damaged. But that will be painful also as they reawaken."

Catherine's head was pounding as she thought of the doctor's very clear message; Jim would be in a lot of pain for a long time.

"If you intend to stay with him…continue the relationship, you will be in for some hard months…maybe a year or more. It is very difficult to watch someone you love hurt that much."

Catherine nodded as she choked back tears. "Beats any alternatives…"

He smiled wanly. "I'll be back to check on him again before I leave for the day. And if the nurses give you any grief, call my office."

"Thank you, Doctor. And more importantly, thank you for saving Jim."

He shook her hand and chuckled. "He may not want to thank me when he wakes up to the pain, so I will take yours gratefully."

Catherine returned to her post next to Jim and watched him breathe, willing him to heal. The rhythmic beeping of the monitor and the darkness of the room lulled her into a drowsy fog and eventually she dozed off.

Jim oscillated between a drug induced sleep and total unconsciousness through the night. His mind, however, was at work, dredging up memories and creating new scenarios.

_They entered the house, the officer shouting, "Las Vegas Police! You're under arrest!"_

_A man ran through the house. " Gun!"_

_Jim's gun flashed as he fired and the man fells to the floor. He checked the man and yelled "Call a paramedic!"_

_Catherine ran into the room. Warrick ran in behind her, his gun raised. _

"_Lindsey! Lindsey!" Catherine called out._

" _Mmmm!"_

"_Where are you, Lindsey?!"_

_Catherine reached Lindsey and put a hand on her shoulder. Warrick stopped her. "Catherine! Don't touch her! If you want a conviction, you have to let me do this, all right? Let me do it, all right?"_

_Catherine nodded. " All right." She stepped back and kneeled down in front of Lindsey. "I'm right here, Lindsey. Right here. I'm right here"_

_Warrick removed the tape from Lindsey's eyes. She saw Catherine and started to cry. _

_Catherine comforted her daughter. "I'm right here. I'm right here. I'm right here."_

_Warrick removed the tape from Lindsey's mouth. _

_Warrick finally freed Lindsey and she fell into Catherine's arms. _

"_Okay. It's okay. I got you. I got you. Everything's okay."_

_Catherine and Lindsey clung to each other. Lindsey cried, "Mom."_

" _It's okay. It's okay, baby. It's okay. Everything's okay."_

_Jim is standing at the top of the stairs, relieved and watching the scene. He feels Warrick's hand on his shoulder as the CSI walks by, but his attention is on Catherine and her daughter. He was happy to see Lindsey alive and all right, happy for Lindsey and happy for Catherine. So many emotions had run through him as they had worked the case, fear for Catherine being uppermost._

Jim groaned in his sleep and grew restless for a few minutes until another memory flooded his mind.

_Catherine, and Gil walked into the Lester kitchen with him; they found a bottle of tequila, less than a quarter full, and two empty shot glasses on the counter._

"_Tequila will always remind me of Señor Frog's," Catherine commented._

"_Which one?" He asked._

"_Cancun," Catherine responded. "My honeymoon. My dime."_

"_Well, if you ever want to go back, it's on me."_

_Catherine shot him an amused look. "Is that a proposal?"_

_Jim wanted to say yes._

His mind created an epilogue: _They walked through the market in Cancun. He was holding her hand. The sun played in her hair creating little golden halos around her face…_

…_the halos danced beneath him as he held himself over her, her warmth encompassing his cock and sending him higher and higher, filling him with such intense feelings of need and pleasure until he exploded, waves of bliss flowing through him._

And then…

_He kicked the door open and burst into the room, gun drawn. A couple of _

_officers followed him inside. He checked the main room while the officers checked the rest of the suite. _

"_Clear!" Came a call from the other room._

_Catherine and the hotel manager entered the penthouse._

"_Clear and empty, Jim's voice called. He rubbed his shoulder and tucked his gun back in the holster. Catherine looked around the living room. _

"_We need to locate Mr. Hsing," he said._

"_I know these suites. This furniture's been moved," Catherine commented_

_Martin, the hotel manager replied," Per Mr. Hsing's request."_

"_What is this is, an eight-sided pattern?" Catherine inquired. "Feng shui?"_

_Martin nodded. "He's exacting. The furniture we moved left impressions in the carpet. We vacuumed them out. Some numbers patterns make elements flow. Luck, energy, chi._

"_So you believe in all this feng shui stuff?" Jim asked._

_Catherine walked into the bedroom and found a bathtub in the room, water on the surrounding floor indicating that it overflowed. Rose petals floated on the top of the water._

"_Now we know how you drown in an elevator. You don't," Catherine commented to Brass. "Martin, could you join us? Don't step in. Just take a look around and do you notice anything missing or out of place"_

"_There's a couple of towels missing. And a bath sheet."_

"_And do all your infinity tubs come with rose petals?"_

" _No, we did that."_

" _When the water flows, the money flows?"_

"_Four dozen red rose petals exactly. Imported bath oil."_

_Martin's phone rang and he stepped away to answer it. Catherine watched Martin for a moment. Brass watched Catherine. _

"_You okay? You know, I mean, working Sam's hotel so soon after the, you know?"_

"_I think that working helps. I mean, you know that."_

"_Yeah," he answered with sadness. He knew she was hurting and he wanted to help, to make the pain go away. It was killing him that he couldn't._

Jim's eyes opened slowly. He looked around the unfamiliar room and tried to speak, ask where he was. But the effort was too much. He saw Catherine in the chair and moaned. Her eyes fluttered open and as soon as she saw that he was awake, she smiled. Her hand covered his and she squeezed. He felt a little dizzy and he couldn't really focus but her presence made him feel calmer. Squinting, he tried to fix his eyes on her. Then he saw it, the gash on her neck and the memory of a knife at her throat rushed in. Jim moaned and tried to lift his hand, reaching for the cut.

Catherine's hand went to her throat. Suddenly she was extremely grateful to Nick, who had brought her change of clothes from her locker. She'd gone to the bathroom down the hall, cleaned off the dried blood, and put on clean clothes. Consequently, Jim didn't see how much blood had been on her, his more than hers. "It's not deep," she assured him. "I'm okay."

He relaxed, his hand falling back to his chest. His blue eyes met her in an instant of clarity that spoke volumes to her before he descended back into the fog. It was in that instant that Catherine knew that he loved her and he claimed her heart forever.

Jim's mind floated.

_He felt himself smiling as he looked across the dinner table at her. Her hair glistened in the candlelight surrounding her face with fire. Her blue eyes were looking at him intently, a demure smile creeping across her lips._

"_Seriously," he said. "Let's get away this weekend. There's this fantastic B&B up near Lake Tahoe…beautiful view from the balcony. You could look at it while I look at you."_

_She smiled at his comment, enjoying the implication. "Sounds intriguing, but I need to see what Lindsey has planned."_

"_Yeah…okay."_

_Catherine studied him for a moment, an unasked question clearly written on her face until finally, she gave it life. "So, where's this going Jim?" _

_He sighed deeply then reached across the table, taking her hand in his. Running his thumb across her fingers, his touch gentle and loving, he was deep in thought. "I don't know exactly," he admitted. "All I know is…I can't seem to keep my hands off you when we are together and I can't stop thinking about you when we're not." He felt shy and awkward, something he rarely felt anymore. _

_Her eyes sparkled as she glanced down at their joined hands and then looked back into his eyes. A secretive smile formed on her lips and Jim was mesmerized as she slowly licked them, her tongue lingering on her lower lip. As he watched her, strong feelings stirred within him. Lust was among them but they were deeper, more robust and enduring. Complete satisfaction settled over him as he realized that he was in love with her._

The hours passed slowly for Catherine. Gil came by to check on Jim and stayed for a while, keeping Catherine company. After she gave him a report on Jim's condition and Gil filled her in on what was happening at the lab, they settled into a comfortable silence. Then Catherine asked, "Did you talk to Sara?"

Gil nodded that he had. "After I left here."

"And?"

And…we talked," he said evasively.

"And?" She prodded.

"And I told her how I feel about her…about us."

"Yeah?"

"And she said she loves me but too much has changed…that I've changed. She doesn't know what to do with it. I told her that I do."

"You do?"

"As soon as Jim is able, we're getting married."

"You're waiting on Jim to get married?"

"I need a Best Man, don't I?"

Catherine smiled. "He'll like that."

"There's something else, Cath." He looked a little nervous.

"Something else?"

"I'm leaving CSI."

"What?"

"Sara has lived in darkness all of her life. I plan to spend the rest of my life keeping her in the light. I can't do that in this job, so I'm going to find something else. There are things I've wanted to do…write, teach, research…I'll do those."

"Gil, I…" she was stunned. "I um…wow."

"I know that this is a surprise…"

She collected her emotions and chuckled. "You bet it is. But I'm happy for you…for both of you. CSI won't be the same…I'll miss you terribly and not just as Grissom. I'll miss my friend, Gil too."

"I'll still be around for awhile. There are some cases that need wrapping up and I want the transition to be as smooth as possible for you."

"For me?"

"I imagine that you'll get my job."

"Oh. Yeah, I suppose. Have you talked to Ecklie yet?"

"No…soon," he told her.

They heard a groan from the bed and looked at Jim. His eyes were open and although he looked a bit groggy, there was a gleam in his eyes. Catherine moved to him, grasping his hand. He looked up at her and then over at Gil, giving him a subtle nod approval.

"You heard," Catherine asked.

His eyes shot back to her and a small grin formed at his lips. "About time," he said weakly.

Gil eased close to him. "I need you to get better, Jim. I want you stand up with me…or hold me up, which ever is needed." Jim nodded, humor showing in his eyes. Then slowly, his eyes drifted shut. "I'm going to leave now, let you get some rest," Gil told him. Then turning to Catherine, he smiled. "You too."

Catherine smiled and nodded. "Yes boss." She settled back into the chair after he left.

Jim woke up again and contented himself with watching her without her knowledge. She had dozed off and he decided that as uncomfortable as the chair looked, she must be very tired. It hurt to see the wound on her neck and think how close she had been to being killed. He was glad he was in the hospital bed and not her. His eyes travelled from her neck to her face and once again, he was struck by how beautiful she was. And once again, he wondered what the hell she was doing with him.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Okay, so we found out if Gil took Catheirne's advice and we see that JIm is not dead. Happy? Tell me about it.


	5. Jim the Grouch

Catherine watched the doctor intently as he examined Jim's wounds. He seemed satisfied with the cuts on the arms but when he got to the abdomen, the surgeon let out a deep breath, reached over the bed and pushed the call button for the nurse, and then left out a small curse. Catherine was nervous. She glanced at Jim's face, he looked wary too.

Stepping closer to his head, she tried to smile at him but when she looked into his eyes, she saw something she rarely associated with Jim Brass; she saw fear. He tried to look confident for her sake, she knew, but there was cloud there and she understood it.

The nurse appeared her demeanor nervous and inquiring. "Why haven't his dressing's been changed?" the doctor barked at her.

"It's on the schedule," she replied, "for the next hour."

"Well, they needed changing awhile ago. Get the supplies. I'll take care of it myself."

She stood, frozen in her place. "Now," he barked again.

She disappeared through the door and he turned his attention back to Jim. Grunting, he began to undress the wound. The wound had oozed blood and, of course, there was the sickening color of the solution that was used in surgery to clean the area. The nurse came back with all the necessary items just as the doctor exposed the stitches. As Catherine saw the results of the stabbing, bile rose in her throat and she fought the temptation to run from the room, retching. The doctor gently prodded around the stitches, checking for puffiness and signs of infection. Catherine closed her eyes, fighting back tears and nausea.

Finally satisfied that things were acceptable, the doctor began the business of redressing the incision. Catherine watched his hands as they carefully moved around the surface and appreciated the skill he exhibited with a gentle touch. Once he was finished, he growled again at the nurse who then exited as quickly as she could.

Jim looked at the man's face and grumbled, "it looks bad."

The doctor looked up at him. "The knife did a lot of damage, Jim. It went deep and the guy must have twisted it. It is a miracle that more damage wasn't done, but as it is…recovery will be slow. Several vessels and veins were compromised as well as muscles and nerves. Right now, the risk of infection is my major concern. Things look good so far."

"But…" Jim looked worried, "…slow recovery? How long?"

"I want those vessels to heal before you put any stress on them. The blood loss compromised the flow to everything below the cut and I'm sure the muscle groups there weakened. You'll be immobile for a while but we can start some therapy to begin to restore them. As we move through this process, we might discover other affected areas and we'll deal with them as they come up. Jim, the next few months are going to be painful and difficult, but not insurmountable. You will recover."

Jim nodded, absorbing all he had been told. He looked even more pale but seemed to be accepting the situation. Catherine was struggling, however. She excused herself, walked briskly down the hall, locked herself in the bathroom and began throwing up. Once the contents of her stomach were emptied, she retched more until she sat weakly on the floor next to the toilet, sobbing.

Alarms went off in Jim's mind and he became agitated. The doctor looked at him quizzically. Jim nodded, "I'm okay," he said. "But I'm not so sure about her."

Just then, Sara appeared in his doorway. "Uh, am I interrupting?" she asked.

"Sara?" Jim asked as he tried to look past the doctor.

She walked in, smiling. "You're awake. Gil said you'd probably be out of it."

"Yeah…um…Catherine," Jim managed.

"Where is she?"

Jim looked at the doctor, his expression compelling the surgeon to explain. "I'm afraid things have been too much. She hurried out, looking quite upset."

"Find her, Sara…please," Jim whispered, his energy draining.

Sara nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'll be back…we'll be back." She left the room and looked up and down the hall. Seeing the nurse, she approached her. "Did you see…" The nurse indicated the bathroom door.

Catherine heard the knock on the door and Sara's calm voice. "Catherine?"

Slowly Catherine eased herself up and reached for the door, opening it. Sara stood in the doorway, concern enveloping her. "Jim's worried about you," she told the older woman.

Catherine nodded. "Yeah…I left kind of abruptly."

"You better now?"

"Getting there. I um…it got to be too much; I needed to…um…throw up."

Sara nodded, her eyes surveying her friend. "Yeah. Sometimes you just have to let it out, one way or another. Let's get you cleaned up and go back to let Jim see that you are okay. Then I'm taking you home to rest."

"But I can't leave him alone…"

"He'll be okay for a few hours. But I'll call Gil and have him come over to sit with him, if that'll make you feel better. But you need to get some rest."

"Yeah, okay…"

The women appeared in Jim's room a few minutes later, much to Jim's relief. As he studied Catherine's face, he saw how tired she was but he also knew that there was more; he wished he could do something…anything to comfort her. She looked wane and drained. Sara explained that she was taking Catherine home to rest and Jim nodded, glad that Sara was taking charge.

As they drove to her house, Catherine glanced sideways at Sara. "Thank you," she said.

Sara smiled. "No thanks necessary. After all we've been through the last few years…everything the team has been through together; we're family. And family takes care of each other."

"Yeah but…"

"Besides…I owe you."

"Owe me? For what?"

"I don't know what you said to Gil, but whatever it was…he came home and talked; I mean, really talked. He opened up more than he has since before the kidnapping. He had been shutting me out…trying to protect me, I think. But it was killing our relationship. I wasn't sure about where things were when I came back and his distance made me think he had changed his mind…"

"He missed you terribly, Sara. You know Gil, he wasn't willing to share anything with us, but we could see it. He loves you and he just wants your happiness."

"I know…if he would just believe that he _is_ my happiness."

Catherine smiled. "I think he's getting there. I know you are his."

Sara smiled. "Thanks…"

"Not needed, Sara. It is good to see him finally happy, even if it means he's leaving CSI."

"Yeah, but I think I want us to live here. When I left last year, I didn't think I could ever come back. But now that I am back, I can't imagine being anywhere else. You guys are the only family I've ever really had. I need you in my life."

"Good," said Catherine, obviously pleased with the last bit of information.

Sara dropped Catherine off, making sure she was settled in the house before she left. After the younger woman left, Catherine stretched out on her bed ready for sleep. Just as she was drifting off another wave of nausea hit her and she rushed to the bathroom, the worries of the past day emptying her once again. Finally, she dragged herself back to bed and collapsed into a deep sleep.

Jim slept for awhile. Gil had shown up and the two had talked for a few minutes but then Gil had opened a book and read, signaling to Jim that talk time was over. In truth, Jim was glad of the reprieve. He was feeling pretty wiped out. When he woke, he glanced at the clock on the wall and realized Catherine had been gone for almost twelve hours. Gil had given up the watch and Sara was back. She looked engrossed in a novel and Jim decided to let her read for a few more minutes. He wanted to collect his thoughts and his feelings.

The doctor's news hadn't been totally unexpected but disheartening all the same. Although he had been pronounced healed after being shot, he hadn't felt quite like his old self. It had taken almost a year to feel anything like the old Jim Brass. And occasionally the shoulder still hurt. Things were finally falling into place in his life and now this…another long recuperation. And if this morning was any sign, it would be as hard on Catherine as it was on him.

That's when his thoughts began to sink into a state of depression and his spirit sank. She'll get her fill and leave, he reasoned. Why not? She was still a very attractive woman, a catch for any man and it had been a miracle that she'd shown any interest in him at all. Now he was even less of a prize. Looking ahead at the months of recovery and knowing that even when the pain subsided and he had regained his strength, he still wouldn't be the same, despair grew. Emotionally he began to prepare himself for the inevitable. That's why she's staying away so long now, he thought. She doesn't want to see me. This is more than she bargained for and as soon as she can, she'll bail. Well, he decided, she won't get the chance. A resolve grew inside Jim that he'd control her exit form his life. He'd push her away until she quit coming back. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe…

Sara happened to glance up and saw him deep in thought. "You're back," she smiled.

He looked at her, sadness encompassing his being. "Yeah," he grunted.

"Feeling any better?"

"Sure," he answered.

"Need anything," she said as she approached him.

"No, I'm good," he snapped.

"Ouch," she snapped back. "Somebody woke up on the wrong side…"

Just then, Catherine walked in. They both looked at her and both thought that she looked terrible…more rested maybe, but still tired. "You okay?" Sara asked.

Catherine smiled. "Better. The sleep helped. Thanks."

Sara smiled at her friend. "No prob…I'll go and let you two have some quality time; although Grumpy here may not deserve any," she teased as she picked up her book and left.

Catherine walked to Jim and leaned over, giving him a kiss on his cheek. He closed his eyes, wanting her closer, needing to feel her touch, feel her warmth. But then his eyes snapped open and he growled. "Get a good rest?"

Surprised, Catherine stood up straight and glared down at him. "Yes, I did. I needed it, I think."

Jim tried to be hard hearted but she looked so hurt by his attitude that he felt crushed. "Good," was all he said.

"Did you rest?" she asked.

"Yeah…"

"Feeling any better?"

"No. And I wish everyone would stop asking me," he said gruffly.

She reached out, her hand gently caressing the side of his face. Jim almost gave into it, almost let himself take comfort in her touch, but then he remembered his resolve and pulled her hand away. "I don't need pity," he snarled.

Catherine sighed and then tilted her head as she looked at him intently, studying his expression and his behavior. "Should I just go out and come back in so we can start again?"

"What?" He glared at her.

"Start this visit over…I'll come in and smile and say hello and then you can smile and say hello back to me."

"Why?"

"Because right now I'm wondering what happened to Jim Brass. I left to get some much needed rest and I came back and he's been replaced by a grizzly bear." Jim didn't know how to respond so he just glared at her silently.

Catherine spent several hours trying to break through his bad mood. She thought she had succeeded a couple of times but he quickly regained his sour disposition. In truth, Jim fought hard to maintain his grumpy state. He wanted to relent, to let her touch him and care for him, but he fought the desire and consequently was even grouchier than he intended. By the time she left, his head ached almost as much as his heart and he was exhausted. Once she cleared the door, he threw his head back into his pillow and sighed. As he listened to her footsteps growing more distant in the hall, tears began to form in his eyes. He wanted to call out to her, tell her to come back, but he remained quiet in a hell of his own making.

As the days passed, Jim was moved into a private room, a therapist was coming to work with him twice a day and Catherine kept coming back. Jim tried as hard as he could to make her go away, but she was as stubborn as he was and she kept showing up. What he didn't know was that the strain of their time together was exacting a heavy toll on her and she went home after every visit to be sick, losing whatever meal she had consumed last, and then crawling to her bed for sleep.

Gil was the first to notice that Catherine was losing weight. He cornered her one afternoon just outside Jim's room and asked her about it. She had shrugged it off and promised she'd eat better. Gil passed his concerns along to Sara. Both had noticed Jim's changed attitude but were at a loss for a solution.

It was Catherine who figured out his game. An epiphany came over her in one of his testier moments one afternoon and she smiled inwardly as she understood what he was doing. Two can play this game, she thought. You just keep pushing Jim Brass…but I'm going to wear you down. She began to sleep better and hold down her food better after her revelation. And, to Jim's chagrin, she began to push back harder.

The grouchier he became, the happier she seemed. The more distant he acted, the more magazines she read. He would ignore her, which didn't seem to bother her one bit. She'd just read or watch TV. She made friends with all the nurses and some of the other patients. Catherine made a life for herself on his floor while Jim was trying to push her away. He would try to get the nurses to take care of his most distasteful needs while she was present. To his annoyance, she insisted on helping. He tried everything he could think of to dissuade her and it seemed to entrench her further. And while he was being so disagreeable, his soul was crying out for her. He needed her, wanted her near, found comfort in the sound of her voice or just the knowledge that she was there. As hard as he fought, he was losing and he knew it. The more he tried to make her go away, the more he realized how broken he would be if he succeeded.

The doctor finally announced that Jim could go home if he agreed to in home care. Catherine began to protest and suggested that Jim stay with her, but the doctor had saved Jim the effort of saying no. "He needs specialized care, someone who can do the therapy and monitor circulation and blood pressure in the lower extremities. Also, I still want to change the dressings regularly. It would be better for him in his own home with a trained professional."

Catherine gave in but vowed she would be there everyday, just to be sure he was being cared for properly. Jim grimaced and growled but inwardly was relieved. A part of him thought that she'd disappear when he was released from the hospital. It wasn't until he was home that he noticed her weight loss also. Still in a defensive mode, he snapped at her the next day. "You get skinnier all the time. I like my women with meat on them," he snarled.

She merely laughed at him and closing in on his ear, her warm breath took his away. "You want me anyway you can get me and we both know it," she said suggestively. "And as soon as the doctor gives the okay, I'll prove it to you. You're mine and don't you forget it."

Jim tingled at the possessive tone of her voice. It was then that he realized she had seen through his ploy and he had lost before he had even gotten started. He surrendered and his mood improved.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Comments? Suggestions? All are appreciated. After getting off to a slow start, you guys have been great about reviews. Thank you!

I watched 'Ellie' the other night and it was inspiration for the next chapter. I wrote it and rewrote it with some changes which meant I had to come back and rewrite some things in this one. Consequntly it took longer to post than I like. But I hope in the end, you will think it was worth it. The next chapter will be up as soon as I can proof and polish it.


	6. A Bumpy Road

Jim continued to improve, physically. He was regaining strength in his lower body and spending more and more time out of bed each day, although pain was a constant reminder not to overdo. No one knew, however, how many pain pills were required for Jim to make it through the day.

Catherine had gone back to work and went home to sleep but was spending the rest of her time with Jim. She had been careful in the beginning to keep any sexual undertones at a minimum, but as he improved, her boldness grew. Jim was looking forward to renewing that aspect of their relationship and his dreams were often filled with memories of their nights together.

He knew from his previous recovery that his body wasn't ready for any extracurricular activities, but he hoped it wouldn't be much longer. As the weeks passed, however, he began to worry. Catherine would say something, or touch him or kiss him in a way that he knew should create a physical response. He would feel a tingle, a stirring but his body remained passive. Frustration with his inability began to grow. And the more frustrated he became, the more he seemed to feel pain, and the more pills he seemed to need…

He mentioned his concerns about his frustration to the doctor at the next visit but failed to mention his constant need for painkillers. "Jim," the man said thoughtfully. "You've been through a lot of trauma. Blood flow was impaired in that part of your body for hours. Everything was in working order before the stabbing?"

"Yeah…ah better than I had a right to expect at my age," Jim confessed as his face burned.

"So we know that everything was okay until then. It has to be a response to the stabbing. And as I've told you, those blood vessels and muscles need time to heal completely. I'm not an expert in the workings of the male reproductive system but I do know that proper blood flow and muscle tone is imperative. Give it more time Jim."

"Yeah, but …you've seen Catherine…I mean, I…I don't want to lose her."

"I've seen her sit beside your bed for hours on end and put up with some pretty obnoxious behavior from you to be by your side. I've seen her so hurt by your pain that it made her sick. I don't think you're going to lose her, Jim. But I do think you need to tell her what's going on and talk about it with her. And by the way, if the urge should strike, don't feel you have to call and ask my permission. Go for it. If things are healthy enough to get blood flow there, then things are healthy enough to take advantage of it. Just don't do anything too strenuous… beyond the usual, I suppose."

A few days later, Catherine was at Jim's, curled up next to him on the sofa as he watched a hockey game. He no longer required 24 hour care and so the therapist came once a day for a session but Jim was on his own the rest of the time. Consequently, it was just the two of them.

Catherine had been content to just snuggle and that was just fine with Jim; he liked holding her. But that day, she had more on her mind. Her hands began to wander, exploring Jim's more personal areas and he was growing increasingly uncomfortable. He tried to say something but she covered his mouth with a very passionate kiss. Dread filled him as he realized that despite the sensations she was sending through him, his little soldier wasn't up to the task. He cringed as her hand made its way to his crotch. Quickly he reached for her hand, claiming it and bringing up to his chest. "Look Baby, I'm….not yet, okay? I want to but…" He was dying inside. He had never felt like less of a man and the feeling grew in him as he saw understanding dawn in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize…" she whispered.

He could read the question that she was already formulating. Would he ever be ready? Sighing, he told her about the conversation with the doctor. "And I honestly don't know…you know…when…" he concluded.

She looked disappointed but not angry, which Jim took as a good sign. Then a quiet resolve came over her. Reaching for his hand, she pulled his fingers to her mouth. "You still have these…you um…are pretty good with these as I recall. And maybe …well maybe that would get the blood flowing…eventually, so that you know…we could…"

He used his fingers to caress her face. "Catherine, this is a lot for you to be dealing with. Frankly, I'm amazed you've hung in as long as you have."

She leaned over and kissed him. Nervousness overcame him and he sensed that she was having similar feelings. Like teenagers, they groped and kissed, touching and exploring as if it were their first time until finally he had his fingers inside of her and watched as she took pleasure in the only way he had to offer it. His heart was pumping and he felt the heat flowing all through him, even the damaged veins and blood vessels, but the little guy still wouldn't rise to the occasion and he had to content himself with giving her pleasure, something he really enjoyed doing. She came on his digits multiple times and seemed content when she finally relaxed on the sofa, satiated and spent. He continued to caress her and basked in her after glow until she closed her eyes, almost asleep.

He was relieved that she seemed content with what little he had to offer, but other emotions assaulted him also. He doubted that she would remain content for long and he had no idea how to handle things. Beyond his relationship with Catherine, his condition left him feeling depressed. He was getting older, he knew, but he hadn't expected to feel so old so soon.

As he looked at Catherine, he suddenly felt selfish. Who was he to expect her to stick with him? She was a vibrant, beautiful woman and she was trying to saddle herself with a broken old man. His thoughts spiraled downward as depression set in. Thing is, he reminded himself, is that you're too scared to let her go. If you were a real man, he told himself, you'd send her packing; force her to look elsewhere.

Catherine stirred, sitting up and nuzzling into him, gently kissing him. What should have made him happy made him feel small. Sensing that something was wrong, she sat up straight and stared at him. "Jim?"

He couldn't look at her. He was too ashamed. So he looked at the floor instead. "Yeah?"

"What's going on?"

"I…I'm thinking maybe you should …you know, move on…find someone else. Someone who is younger…less beat up. Someone who can…"

He felt her wrath before she opened her mouth to speak. Then she unleashed her fury. "Is that what you think of me? That all I'm interested in is getting laid? Do you really believe that's all I ever saw in you? Damn you, Jim Brass. I love you. I didn't spend all that time at the hospital because I was hoping for a roll in the hay. I stayed there because I love you, because you were hurt and it hurt me to know it. I had to be there; I had to know you were okay."

"But…you deserve someone who isn't old and used up…someone like…like Tony Vartann, not an old broken gum shoe like me."

"I don't want Vartann. I chose you. I want you. And you are not old." She stood up, grabbed her purse, and stormed towards the door. "But even if you are an old broken gumshoe, you are _my_ old gumshoe and don't you think for one minute that you are not."

Jim sat, stunned, and watched as she opened the door to leave. "And by the way, all that throwing up I did…I'm pregnant Jim. And the baby is yours. So what you going to do about it, huh? Or are you too old and broken to be a man and do right by the woman you knocked up?" The door slammed behind her as she left.

Sitting flabbergasted, Jim tried to wrap his mind around her announcement. She's pregnant, he said to himself. She said she's pregnant? Can't be, he mused. No way…He heard her tires squeal as she peeled out of his driveway and her engine roared as she drove away. Sitting alone on his sofa, Jim felt the tears began to roll down his face. He had done it again; he had screwed everything up.

Catherine was half way home before her anger began to subside. She didn't even know why she was so angry, except that she'd been holding so much in. She'd been so scared for Jim and then when she found out about the baby, she had gone into full panic mode. And now he was being such a jerk…but she knew she wasn't being fair. He had been through so much and had worked so hard to get better and not being able to perform had to be frustrating for him…and scary too. Her anger subsided and she turned around to head back to his house.

By the time she pulled back into his driveway, she had regained her composure. Taking a deep breath, she climbed out of her car and walked to the house. She wasn't prepared for what she found when she walked inside. Jim was sitting on the sofa, sobbing.

Catherine ran to him and took him in her arms. "Oh god, baby…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he cried. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "I'm just so damned scared…"

"I know," she said, "I know you are scared…but tell me, what is frightening you the most?"

"You…losing you," he admitted. "It seemed like we had something special going on and I was getting used to the idea that maybe …you know, there might be a future for us. But with me not able to…uh, respond to you like I want to…I..I don't know where things are going, where they can go.

You're not going to lose me, Jim. I need you. You 'get' me…better than any man ever has. You know where I'm coming from, you understand who I am…why I've made some of the choices I've made and you don't judge me for them. So often I've made the wrong choices about men…going after ones who were really only interested in me for my body; you see beyond that…value what's inside. You're sacred; I am too. I'm 49 freakin' years old, Jim. And I'm pregnant. There are so many things that can go wrong…and I need you so much. I can't do this alone."

Jim swallowed. "No…you're not alone," he told her as he tried to collect himself. "I…things are all messed up but…one thing I know," he said sucking in air, " I love you and I'm here for you."

"Okay, okay," she said as she pulled back. "You need to calm down, Jim. No stress, remember?"

"Yeah…sure…right. I'm ten years older than you and we're having a baby and there's so much that is going wrong."

She ran her fingers down his face, tracing the trail left by his tears. "One thing is going right…"

He looked at her quizzically. "Yeah?"

"You love me…"

As Jim looked into her eyes and saw love reflected back at him, he began to calm down. The potency of her gaze gave him strength. "It's not fair…you deserve better than me."

"There's no one better than you, Jim. Believe me; I've sampled enough of what's out there to know. No one loves me that way you do…"

You're really pregnant?" he asked timidly.

"Yeah…I am. It feels kind of weird, you know? I mean, I'll be fifty by the time the baby comes. I thought when I missed a month that it was menopause. Honestly, it threw me. But when I thought about it being _your_ baby, Jim…a part of you growing within me, it excited me but at the same time, peace filled me. I love you Jim and I love that I'm having your baby."

"This is crazy," he told her. "I'm too old to be doing this." His eyes scanned her and settled on her abdomen. "The idea that…that my baby is inside of you…God, you are so beautiful Catherine…and so amazing. And .." his hand moved timorously to cover her stomach. "And ass crazy as this feels to me, I am awed that you want my child." Tears began to slide down his face again.

They talked quietly for a while longer. "When…I mean, how far along…how pregnant are we?" he asked.

Catherine chuckled as he struggled to find the words to ask. "About fourteen weeks," she answered.

"You've seen a doctor? I mean, everything is okay?"

"So far, but there are so many things that can go wrong, it scares me. The doctor wants to do tests…you know for abnormalities. And at my age…our ages, there is a high risk that …that…we won't make it."

Jim took her hand and looked solemnly at her but she wouldn't raise her eyes. "Whatever happens…we're in this together, okay?" Catherine smiled through her tears and then nodded. Jim was feeling so many things, love, fear, awe, and guilt flooded through him. "Honey…please look at me." Slowly her eyes came up to meet his. He thought his heart would explode as their eyes locked. "I have no right to ask this, considering my condition…but, marry me?"

Catherine let lose a small sob and nodded. "Yes…oh yes," she said as he enveloped her in his arms. He held her as they sat and began to plan. Eventually she decided that she needed to go home and rest and let Jim rest. She could see him growing tired and she knew the toll the day had taken on her. They kissed good-bye and she left with a promise to call him later. Catherine went home to sleep. Jim sat in his recliner to think.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Poor Jim is having a tough time, but that's the way we like it, right? So let me read your thoughts. Where do you think it should go? Does Jim have a real problem with the pills? What kinds of problems, if any, do they have with the pregnancy? All happiness and light from here or more angst? Use the little button. please.


	7. Getting IT Together

Jim sat staring at the bottle of pills. He had reached for it and begun to spill two into his hand when he'd caught the clock in the corner of his eye. _Only three hours since the last ones? Can't be. _He checked the clock to be sure it was accurate. It was. Dread filled him as he realized what he had been about to do. How many other times had he reached for the bottle without thinking? Did he really need the painkillers or was he becoming addicted? His thoughts turned inwardly. He was in pain, but he decided a couple of Tylonol would have to suffice and he'd taken three. And now he sat.

There were six left in the bottle. There had been sixty in the bottle to begin with, enough for four doses a day for the week. There were 12 left in the bottle. Doing the math in his head, he realized he'd taken between seven and eight dozes a day…twice the prescribed amount. He was in trouble and he broke into a sweat as understanding dawned. "Shit," he muttered to himself. His hand shook as he picked up the bottle and put it away, determined to make it three more hours until the next dose. "No more of that," he told himself.

He tried to occupy his mind with reading, watching TV, and even going back to sleep. Nothing worked. His thoughts keep going back to the pills in the cabinet. His pain grew and he kept telling himself it was his mind playing tricks with him to get him to take more pills. His frustration grew. "How could you do this?" he asked himself.

The hours passed slowly. At the prescribed time, he allowed himself one pill instead of the customary two. And as soon as the doctor's office opened the next day, Jim was calling. He arranged an appointment for later in the day.

His hours battling the urge to take the pills hadn't been a total waste, however. Jim had been able to make some plans. Once his immediate concern with the pills was resolved, he dialed the HR office at PD. After a short conversation with the woman on the other end, he was confident that the required forms would be sent to his home. He wanted to change his beneficiary, dropping Ellie and adding Catherine. He felt a pang of guilt about Ellie but he had spent a lot of money on her rehab and tried to help her get back on her feet. She'd insisted on going back to her life in LA, using prostitution as a means of support. They hadn't talked in months but he was sure that drugs were a part of her life again too. Catherine was carrying his child and if anything happened to him, his pension would come in handy. He knew that his pension and life insurance was small when compared to what she would inherit when Sam Braun's estate was finally settled, but this was his child and he had a responsibility towards it. He had done all he could do for Ellie; this child deserved a chance in life too.

During the long hours, he had also made one other plan. Finished with his first two tasks, he made one more phone call. Paul Brower was a real estate agent he had met a few years ago. Jim had been impressed with the man and thought he could help with the sale of his house. It had been a good house for Jim Brass, bachelor. But Jim Brass, family man, would require a larger house. Paul could help with that too.

Catherine called him a few minutes later and he told her about his doctor's appointment. She was surprised, thinking that his next appointment was in another two weeks. Ashamed of himself, Jim didn't want to tell her why he made the appointment and hedged her question. "All right, then," she said. "I'll come by and pick you up."

"You sure? I could get someone else to take me. You need to get plenty of sleep, you know."

"I'll head home and sleep now. Then I can be awake for your appointment."

"Okay…but I'll miss you," he said forlornly.

Catherine chuckled into the phone. "Well, I would come over there to sleep, but I have a feeling you wouldn't let me."

"Oh, I'll let you sleep. I just want to watch," he told her.

"And you really believe that I could sleep with you leering at me?" she teased.

It was Jim's turn to chuckle. "Okay, you win. I'll see you later."

He waited until an hour before the therapist was due before he took the next dose of pills. He decided that two would probably be required to get him through therapy. His hands shook as he turned the bottle in his hand to dump two pills into his hand. _Yeah, you got a problem…_he muttered to himself.

Catherine arrived to drive him to his appointment and as she drove, he told her about his plan to sell his house. "My house is too small and really, so is yours. I mean, Lindsey should still have her own room and the baby will need one. I thought it might be good to have a spare room too."

"Why? You think you'll get sent to it when you misbehave?" she asked smirking at him.

"Probably," he grinned. "But I was thinking it might be handy if your mother needed to stay with the kids or something."

"Right," Catherine nodded. They pulled into the parking lot at the medical building and walked hand in hand into the office.

Jim pulled the pill bottle out of his pocket and set it on the counter. "You gotta give me a different prescription," he told the doctor firmly.

The doctor looked at the bottle and then Jim. "Is it not working?" He picked it up and examined the contents. Then, noticing the date on the label his eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah," sighed Jim. "I um…just took pills for the pain, but I wasn't paying attention to the clock. Now I…well, it's too many."

The other man nodded thoughtfully. "How long do you think this has been going on?"

"The home care nurse handled the meds but when she left…"

The doctor checked Jim's chart. "So a little over three weeks…"

"Yeah. I…well, I've seen people who need those things too much, and I see what it does to them. I need something different; I don't want to get that way."

The surgeon nodded as he pulled out his prescription pad. "I'm going to write one for something less addictive…but it is still a narcotic, so be very careful. Anything less won't be effective for the pain. You can take Tylenol or Ibuprophen after three hours if you feel the need to boost the effect. I think you understand that you should not take extra doses. And if you experience withdrawal symptoms that you can't handle, call me. Understood?"

Jim nodded as he accepted the prescription from the man. "Thanks. I um…yeah, I'll be careful," he assured the surgeon.

As Jim and Catherine exited the medical building, his eye caught a shop across the street. Catherine was turning to head for the car when he caught her hand and pulled her with him towards the shop. "What are you doing?" she asked him.

"It's good to be out of the house…just a few more minutes, okay?"

"Just a few…then back home and a nap," She told him firmly.

He led her to the shop and she gasped when she realized where they were going. "Jim?"

"You said yes," he smirked as he opened the door and followed her in.

Catherine stood inside the jewelry store, her eyes sparkling. Jim's hand moved to the small of her back as he guided her toward the counter. He told the clerk that they wanted to look at rings and within seconds, they had a variety to peruse. "They're all so beautiful," Catherine oozed.

Jim scanned the case, his eyes stopping at one. His hand shook as he pulled it from the case. "What about this one?"

Catherine's eyes widened and lit as her mouth formed an 'O'. Then, "Jim…it's beautiful but it is too much…"

"Not as beautiful as you," he mumbled as his face flushed. "And no…it is not enough to say how I feel."

The luminous blue of Catherine's eyes settled on his. He struggled for air as he thought that she sparkled more than the diamonds in the ring. He was still holding it so he took her hand and slipped it on her finger. "Catherine, I love you; will you marry me?" He asked her again. He saw the tears that fell as she looked down at her hand, gazing at the ring. He used his other hand to lift her chin so that he could see her face. Using his thumb, he wiped away the tears, his own eyes glistening. His left eyebrow slid up, a question in his eyes.

She swallowed and nodded, still unable to speak. And then she looked back at her hand. Jim's eye twitched, uncertainty racing through him as he waited for her to say something. Her right hand went to the ring and for a moment Jim's heart clinched as he thought she was going to take it off and give it back to him. But she merely traced the stones with her finger, more tears falling. "It is so beautiful…," she finally said. Jim began to breathe again. "You really like it?"

"I love it," she whispered. "Almost as much as I love you. But it isn't necessary, Jim. I mean, you're already talking about buying a house…and now this…"

Jim looked at the clerk. "We want this one but it will need sizing."

The clerk pulled out his sizing rings and began trying them on Catherine's finger. "We can resize it and it will be ready in three days or we have one in the correct size with the same setting. Jim looked at Catherine and she smiled at him. "Let's see the one in stock," he said.

The clerk brought the other ring and Jim slid it onto Catherine's finger, replacing the original in the case. Catherine studied the second ring and looked at Jim, nodding. "I think the stones are clearer in this one," she told him. Jim smiled and turned to the clerk. That's the one."

They picked out wedding rings also. "I'm getting you a ring, Jim."

"You want me to wear a ring?"

"I do…I want everyone woman out there to know you're mine…"

Jim chuckled. "Like they're gonna care," he scoffed.

"You saying you're not going to wear my ring?" Her glare was piercing and as Jim looked at her, he realized that this was important to her. Eddie had cheated on her, several times that Jim knew of and probably more. She was going to be territorial with him, which suited him just fine. "Okay," he said. "I don't think it is necessary because there isn't a woman out there that can compete with you, but I'll wear a ring. It'll make all the guys at the station jealous…" he finished mischievously.

He intended to pay for it all but she insisted on paying for his ring. Jim acquiesced and once the purchases were made, they headed for the car. They went to the pharmacy to get his prescription filled and then as Catherine drove him back to his house, they talked.

"Jim, you're moving so fast with all of this…are you sure this is what you want?"

Jim looked surprised, his eyebrows shooting up. "You are kidding me, right? What's not to want? You're beautiful, sexy, smart, and for some reason you want me…and you're carrying my baby. And I feel like the luckiest guy on Earth. There's a reason I wanted to get your ring today; I don't want any other guy getting ideas and making a move on you…don't want to give you a chance to change your mind."

Catherine glanced across at him. "No way," she told him. "You're stuck with me."

"More the other way around," he told her. "I…well, I'm not exactly in my prime anymore…"

Catherine reached for his hand. "You were a jackass when you were in your prime; I remember. I like you much better now."

Jim laughed. "Yeah, I guess I was pretty obnoxious when I first came to Vegas…still reeling from the going over my ex gave me. Besides, my insides turned to mush and cobwebs tangled my brain every time you were around. It took me a long time to learn how to be in the same room with you."

Catherine pulled into his driveway. They walked inside and then she responded to his last comment. "You um…had feelings for me back then?" she asked.

Jim's face flushed. "You were married and I was a mess. I figured …you know, better behave myself."

Her eyes began to twinkle as she kissed him. "Guess you got over it, huh?"

"Over what…you?"

"No…behaving yourself." She teased as she led him back to his room to rest.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

You guys are killing me. Everyday I open my browser happily anticipating reviews and with the exception of a faithful few, my box is empty. I do appreciate the faithful ones, however. They keep the juices flowing and bring me back to the keyboard with renewed vigor. That and whenever I go to sleep, I dream this stuff. Yeah, I know...I need a life,lol. Anyway, PLEEAZE review! Tell me what you think about this chapter, story...future chapters... Thank you.


	8. Finding the Whole

"Can you stay?" Jim asked Catherine.

"For awhile. I need to get home in time to spend some time with Lindsey, though."

Jim shed his clothes down to his boxers and undershirt. Then climbing into his bed, he patted it. "Come here. Let me hold you, okay?"

Catherine slipped into the bed with him and snuggled into the crook of his arm. "Mmm, you feel good."

Jim kissed the top of her head. "So do you."

Content with the moment, they remained quiet until Catherine finally spoke. "Why the visit to the doctor today? Your next appointment wasn't for a couple of weeks; is everything all right?"

Jim groaned inwardly. He really didn't want to tell her what he had done. "I um…needed to change my prescription."

"Why? Was the old one not working?"

Jim struggled silently with what he should say. He knew that she deserved the truth but he really didn't want to reveal yet another screw up. After a short internal debate, he opted for the truth. "I was taking too many…getting the shakes if I went too long without them. So he changed the prescription. I've um…I've kind of been feeling it the last few hours."

"Feeling it? How?"

"Just a little shaky and a real craving for more pills. But I'm not due for another hour."

"How will you handle the new script?"

"Carefully. I can take Tylenol between doses, if I need to. But I have to follow the directions very carefully. Thing is, I can't tell if I'm hurting because of the wound or because my brain is telling me to take more pills."

Catherine sat up and stared at Jim thoughtfully. "Are you going to be okay? I mean, don't you need help with this?"

Jim shook his head. "Not yet. I think…" he swallowed hard as he thought about how bad it could have become. "I think I realized what was happening in time to …you know, avoid real trouble. But it'll be a rough few days."

Catherine stroked his cheek. "I'm here Jim, whenever you need me."

His hand covered hers and he gently kissed her fingers. "I know. That's a big reason why this is so important to me. I don't want to mess things up between us."

Catherine snuggled back into him. "You won't."

Jim pulled her closer into him, marveling at her simple trust in him. His hand slid to her stomach where it settled. "I have to get it right."

Catherine nuzzled into his neck, gently planting kisses as she went. Enjoying the attention, Jim was lulled into inaction until he heard a slight moan from her, a very desirous moan. It registered with him where she was going with her kisses and fear gripped him. He felt himself tensing and fought the urge but he was just too nervous. As far as he could tell, nothing had changed and he wouldn't be able to fully satisfy her…or him for that matter.

Catherine felt him tense and hesitated but she needed this, needed his touch. Her hand began to wander down is neck and across his shoulder, caressing his arm. She felt him flinch and tried to be still, to quite his worry. But he remained tense, frozen in his spot.

Jim wanted to follow her lead, wanted to feel her hands on him and wanted to run his hands over her. He wouldn't define what he was feeling as erotic, just a basic need to connect with her. But he was too afraid of the disappointment that was sure to follow. So he froze.

Catherine straightened up and looked at him. He wouldn't meet her eyes, looking down instead, ashamed. "Please Jim, I need to touch you, need to feel your hands on me. I miss having your hands on me. I know you're not ready for more and I'm okay with that, but I need you."

Jim closed his eyes, trying to contain his emotions. A tear crept out beneath his eyelashes and rolled down his face. "I want you too, Baby. I just…"

"It's okay Jim. I'm not expecting anything except to feel loved. The way you touch me, the way your hands move over my body, it makes me feel so… cherished. I miss the way you make me feel."

Jim's eyes slowly opened and looked into hers. The anguish she saw there gripped her heart. Catherine knew she had to be careful with her next move. If she did anything of a sexual nature, they would lose this opportunity and she was determined that he understood that she wasn't looking for sex. "When you touch me, caress me," she told him, "it means so much more than just sex. The way you do it, what you share with me through your touch…"

"Yeah right," he grumbled, remembering his touches before the injury. If he hadn't been stabbed, this would have been all about sex, he thought.

"It's true Jim. I've been with enough men that were only interested in sex to know the difference. Believe me, if I only wanted sex, I could go out now and have my fill. I want what only you can give me…"

He looked at her forlornly but decided to try. After all, what could he lose? He reached for her neck, his hand settling just below her ear and his fingers slowly went to work. She settled back down into him and melded herself to him as he caressed and rubbed her. "Roll over," he whispered. She did. Jim's big hands began to massage her back, his lips eventually joining the activity.

Silence surrounded them, enveloped them in their own world as his hands explored her, taking note of the little nuances of her body that he'd missed while in the throws of passion before. He found freckles and moles that were new to him, traced the lines of muscle along her legs and across her buttocks. And what a nice ass she has too, Jim thought. He spent quite awhile outlining her cheeks and curves before moving on. She was an "innie" he mused as his fingertips travelled over her abdomen, lingering around her navel.

Not being caught up in passion had its advantages, Jim decided. He was enjoying this little journey of discovery and as his eyes glanced up to her face, he saw that she was too. Occasionally the silence was broken by her tiny gasps or small moans of contentment and as he studied her expression, he realized that she was deeply content and relaxed.

Catherine began to tighten as his hands made their way towards her breasts. She took in his expression and mused that his expression resembled Gil's when he was absorbed in an experiment. Jim had that same look of wonder. Her mind lost its ability to think, however, when his fingers found her nipples. He seemed to delight in tweaking her until they stood at attention and her breasts felt full, about to explode. His eyes twinkled as he realized how potent his touch was and the imp that resided within took over. He teased her with his fingers, rolling over her nipples and then pinching them, repeating the motions as she grew harder and harder. He delighted as she began to writhe, her hips undulating with the rhythm of his fingers. Jim debated moving his fingers to her heat, but remembered this wasn't supposed to be about sex and he held back on the impulse, continuing to play with her tits instead. And what beautiful ones she had too, he thought. As she became more aroused, her nipples became flushed with color and Jim decided the hue went perfectly with her hair. He was fascinated with the height of her "erection" and continued to tease the length.

Catherine was moaning beneath his hands and calling his name. Jim watched as her entire body responded to his manipulation. Her hips rolled up, lifting her off the bed, stroking an imaginary cock. Jim felt heat rising in his face as he felt his own body began to respond. Catherine wanted him but knew she couldn't suggest that she needed him inside of her; however, she ached for his length within her. Excited further by the smell of her own arousal that hung in the air, she felt the flush of moisture below.

Jim smelled her too. His eyes grew large as he realized how strongly she was reacting. He dipped his head and his tongue began an all out assault on her breasts, licking and sucking, flicking and circling until Catherine was grabbing the sheet below her hips and holding it tightly, her hips thrusting into the air and pumping. Jim picked up his pace and teased her more, his mouth more demanding and his tongue working faster. She began pounding the bed with her hips, her leg muscles taut from the effort and her mound rising higher in the air until finally she let out a gasp and called his name in a fit of ecstasy. She continued to pump, her aroma growing stronger, filling his nostrils as he delighted in his torture of her.

Catherine rode the excitement of Jim's manipulation until she felt her body explode, her inner muscles squeezing tightly, longing for something to grasp. Then came the flood of juices, sliding through her tunnel and oozing out, leaving her slick and wet. Slowly she settled back into the bed, feeling exhausted but longing for more.

Jim hovered over her in awe. "Baby, did what I think just happened really happen?" His whisper was hoarse and sounded husky.

Catherine looked at him languidly, her eyes still smoldering but satiated at the same time. "Yes," she said, a bit surprised as well. "I've…that never happened to me before…"

"Wow," he grinned. "That was about the hottest thing I've ever seen…to think you can…that I can make you come without…you know, ever even …"

She stroked his head behind his ear lazily, her blue eyes sparkling at him. "That was…amazing." _But it left me wanting more…wanting you,_ she thought. She watched as Jim began to puff up with male pride, a "look at what I did" expression blooming in his features. Despite her effort to contain it, a giggle escaped as she watched him. He looked at her, confused. "Proud of yourself, aren't you?" was her response. He grinned as he leaned down to kiss her.

His body stretched down the length of hers and as he kissed her, she felt pressure along her thigh. "Jim…" she managed between kisses. "Mmmm?" he asked, lifting his lips just long enough for her to answer.

"I think…There's something happening."

"You got that right, Baby. You're showing me a whole new way to…"

"No, I mean…something is happening…" she started as she reached for his groin, "…there."

Jim's entire body reacted as she found her prize. He took a deep, short breath and his body twitched as he felt her hand cover his rod. He expected to feel nothing…or pressure from her hand at the most, but as she positioned her hand over his manhood, he realized that something indeed was happening there. "It's not to its former glory," she commented, "but a definite improvement."

"Yeah," he gasped as he pressed his cock into her hand, relishing the sensation. "Must be a reaction to your virginal orgasm," he chuckled.

Catherine laughed. "Virginal? I'm pregnant and hardly anything close to virginal…"

"I wouldn't know what to do with you if you were…," he said as he nuzzled her neck.

Giggling at his nuzzle she managed to ask, "you wouldn't know what to do with a virgin?"

"Never had one…"

She pulled away, looking at him with disbelief. "What about your wife…or your first time in high school…or something?"

"My ex was hardly a virgin by the time we dated and my first time wasn't in high school…it was in Vietnam." His tone was flat, emotionless. He certainly wasn't revisiting a fond memory, Catherine surmised.

"In Vietnam?"

"Yeah…we were on R&R in Saigon. My buddies decided we should go to this brothel that they'd heard about. I was curious, so I went along to see what it was like. I had been a bit of a hellion in school, but never really had dated much. The only thing I knew about girls was from my sister. Anyway, somehow they picked up that I hadn't …you know…," he said shyly, "and they bought a girl for me. She was a pretty little thing…probably about my age…"

"Which was?"

"I was 19. Gotta admit, I was scared half to death. I'd faced all sorts of things in the jungle, but she scared me."

Catherine laughed again. "You were scared of a girl?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "Girls used to kind of intimidate me…but the way she looked; she was dressed in nothing but a garter belt and had little pasties on her breasts…and for girls over there, she had big ones. Thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head. But once we got past the looking stage, I wasn't really all that interested." Jim shrugged. "It just seemed …empty, you know?"

"Did you…um…become a man?" Catherine asked demurely.

"If you are asking if we did the deed, then yes. But it didn't make me a man. I was just a boy trying to be a man and I never had felt it more in my life. And I picked up some nasty crabs as a souvenir. Spent most of the rest of R&R trying to get rid of them. Itched like hell."

As she watched Jim's face, Catherine fought the urge to laugh again. He wasn't proud of his first time and she could see the flush of embarrassment in his complexion. But he was telling her the story anyway. Why? He was trying to be open and honest with her, not evasive or hidden. She owed him the same, she decided." My first time wasn't nearly as exotic. I was a terrible flirt in high school and one of the jocks actually paid attention." Jim listened, bristling because he was afraid of where her story was going. "I was young and too stupid to understand what could happen and kept teasing. He caught up with me one night after a game and pinned me in his car. I tried to tell him to stop but he wasn't listening. I suppose a lot of girls retreat after something like that, but it just made me worse. It was like I had to be the school slut or something, although I never let myself get put in that position again." Catherine had a far away look on her face as she finished and Jim knew she was caught in the emotions of the memory. He was gentle when he asked, "Did he…um, I know it had to hurt, but …well, we've seen cases where…there was a lot of damage…"

Catherine's eyes came back into focus. She saw the hurt and anger in Jim's expression and wished she hadn't told him. "It hurt, but no real damage done, except to my self image…"

He gathered her in an embrace, holding her tightly to him. "Baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that happened to you…"

She felt comforted by his warmth and his words. She knew he meant it; that if he had been around when it happened, her life might have been different. "It's just that…I took so much abuse after that…believed that I deserved it…"

The pressure of his hand on her head strengthened as he pressed her closer to his chest where she could hear the steady beat of his heart. "God Baby, you are so strong, and smart…so beautiful…you never deserved any of it. You deserve so much better. You're so caring, loving, and passionate. Part of you is still that young girl though, isn't it? Still trying to fight back, still feeling like it was your fault. But you don't have to fight anymore, Baby; it wasn't your fault. You deserve love and to be cherished…to be treated like a queen." She felt his gentle kiss on her temple and then his lips moved to her ear where he whispered, "I love you so much…"

Warmth and comfort spread through her as he held her, whispering of his love. For the first time since that night so long ago, she felt safe…really safe. But she also felt more; she felt whole.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter. It has been a really rough week and you guys kept me going! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm already going on the next one and hope to have it for you soon. In the meantime, reviews please:-)


	9. Frustration

Jim waged war with the pills for the next few days becoming grouchy and difficult to deal with. Catherine was determined to be there for him and wrote off his foul mood as part of the withdrawal. As far as she could tell, his bad mood was the only symptom. She remembered her own withdrawal from cocaine and was relieved that Jim wasn't suffering as she had.

One particularly rough morning, she was trying to get him to eat something. He was refusing, saying food would upset his stomach. "Look, I'm the Queen of Upset Stomachs around here and if I can take it, so can you," she told him.

He scowled and snapped at her. "It wasn't my idea; you didn't have to be. There is such a thing as birth control but I suppose that is all my fault too."

Catherine looked like someone had slapped her face. Jim knew immediately that he had gone too far. He watched as her expression crumbled while she fought back a retort. Then abruptly, she turned and ran out of the room. He felt a knot twist in his chest as she ran from him and a wave of nausea swept over him; he bolted for the bathroom. The hurt expression on her face was foremost in his mind as he emptied the contents of his stomach and then proceeded with a bout of dry heaves until he thought he would reopen his stab wound.

Catherine must not have gone too far because she stepped in, grabbing a cloth and wetting it, then wiping his face. He was grateful for her presence, her touch soothing in spite of his misery and pain. As the retching subsided, he looked at her, thanking her for helping. "I'm sorry," he said as he concluded. She nodded but the sparkle was still missing in her eyes.

She walked with him to the bed, where he stretched out, too weak to sit. She sat next to him, gently rubbing his back, helping him to relax. He looked up at her and winced. She still looked upset. "Baby, I really am sorry. It was the pills talking…I want this baby with you."

"Are you sure, Jim? I need you to be sure. If you aren't, then you need to say it. I can make other plans."

"No!" He shot up, sitting close to her. "I know this is what I want…no other plans." A wave of dizziness washed over him and he very carefully lay back down. "Come stretch out with me and we can start planning for a new house, one with a nursery. It will give me something good to think about while this…this spell passes."

She stretched out next to him, trying not to jiggle the bed too much. "What planning can we do without actually looking?"

Frowning, Jim understood her point. "But what do we need to look for? I mean, three or four bedrooms? Maybe a formal living and dining with a den or family room? What else?"

Catherine chuckled. "You've been thinking about this."

"I have," he said smugly. "Lindsey needs to have some space to hang out with her friends and we can keep an eye on things, but not be hovering. And everybody needs his or her own room…well, except you and me. We have to share a room," he teased. "And after that, I don't know…"

"Mmmm…yeah. I'd like a nice sized kitchen. Mine is too small. And a Jacuzzi would be nice…"

"We can find the right house and put in a Jacuzzi later. But how much yard?"

"Enough for some playroom for the baby as it gets older."

They talked more about what they would like in a house. But as the baby was mentioned more and more, Catherine changed the subject. "What are you hoping for; Jim; a boy or a girl?"

"Healthy," he replied.

"Of course, but beyond that?"

"Well, if it is a girl…I know she will be at least as beautiful as her mother and I hope she is as smart too. And if it is a boy, I hope he is as smart as his mother and better behaved than I was."

Catherine saw the look of mischief in his eyes and grinned. "You're not going to answer my question, are you?"

"Baby, all I want is a happy, healthy child and for me to be around long enough to watch it grow to adulthood. Boy or girl really doesn't matter because the way I see it, you having my baby is a miracle that will continue to amaze me until I draw my last breath."

A flood of emotion boiled through her as she watched his expression of awe. He really was astonished that she was having his baby, not just because of their ages but also because he simply couldn't believe she loved him so much. Catherine had never realized how much he felt unworthy of love. "Jim," she whispered although she was speechless. "_You_ amaze me…"

"Right…" he scoffed.

"No…really. I've watched for years as you've quietly looked out for us. You let us know that you care without ever saying anything…just by your presence. You are so completely honest with your emotions and aren't afraid to let others see your vulnerabilities. And you face life head on, accepting your mistakes unquestionably. You never back down from what you think is right. And your capacity for love is…tremendous. You're an amazing man Jim, intelligent, funny, caring, honest…"

"Whoa…slow down…you make me sound like a saint or something. I'm no saint."

"No, you're not," she teased. "I can't imagine a saint being as amazing as you are…in bed."

He traced the line of her cheek with his fingertip. He couldn't quite define what he was feeling, so many good things blending to fill his heart and his soul. But he knew he loved this beautiful creature that was snuggled against him, making him feel loved… valued even. Catherine tilted her head, looking into his dark eyes and seeing the depths of his feelings. Just then, her cell phone began to ring.

Sighing deeply in frustration, she reached into her pocket to retrieve it. "Damn," she muttered as she checked the ID. Jim's eyebrow lifted as surprise at her reaction registered.

"This is Catherine," she said into the phone. Jim watched for some clue about the caller but couldn't make a guess as he followed her gaze to the wall across the room. "Yes, I'll be there in about twenty minutes," she responded to the caller and then hung up.

Casting a forlorn look at Jim, she grimaced.

"Work?" he asked.

"Lindsey's school," she responded, perturbed. "I have to go meet with them and hear about whatever it is she has done now."

"Want me to go with?" His expression was full of concern. "I mean, for moral support?"

Her expression softened into a small smile. "Thanks. But she really doesn't know about us yet. I haven't had a chance to explain everything…"

"Wait a minute…we're engaged, you're pregnant, we're buying a house, and she doesn't know about us?"

"I um…well, …no, she doesn't. She thinks we're just sort of…seeing each other…kind of," her voice trailed off.

Jim's eyes furrowed, bringing creases to his forehead. "Why not? Are you…ashamed of our relationship?"

Stunned, her eyes widened. "Of course not. I just haven't found the right time to tell her. Besides, I want her to get to know you better before she makes any rash judgments about us."

Jim climbed out of bed and walked to his closet, pulling out a pair of slacks and a fresh shirt. "No time like now…I'm going with you. I'll sit quietly in the corner if I have to but she's going to understand that you have backup here. And hopefully she'll understand that I care about what happens to her. At the very least, she get that there is an 'us."

Lindsey was sitting in the outer office with a defiant expression on her face when Catherine walked in with Jim in tow. "I'm Catherine Willows," she told the school secretary. "I received a call from Ms. Hanson."

"Yes, of course," said the woman behind the desk. "I'll let her know you are here," she said eyeing Jim.

Catherine turned towards Lindsey. "What's he doing here?" the girl asked as she indicated Jim.

"Jim came with me because he was worried…about both of us."

Lindsey scrutinized Jim disdainfully, as if she had a bad taste in her mouth. "First time you've ever brought one of your _men_ to one of these," she said sarcastically. Jim didn't like the way she emphasized the word 'men.'

"Look Lindsey, Jim is still recovering from the stab wound and shouldn't be here at all. But he cares about me and believe it or not, he cares about you…"

Lindsey flashed him an angry look. "He doesn't even know me."

"Remember when you were kidnapped and Warrick helped me find you?" Lindsey nodded. "Well, Jim was leading the case. And Jim was the first one in the house, clearing the way for Warrick and me to get to you. He put his life in danger for your sake Linds, and he deserves better from you."

Jim saw a flicker of remorse in the teen's face before it hardened again. "So? I didn't ask him to. Just probably wanted to get in your pants anyway."

Catherine raised her hand to slap the girl but Jim grabbed it, encompassing it in his own large hand lovingly. "Lindsey," he said, "I'm not here for any reason except that I was worried. Your Mom was upset when she got the call to come here and I want to be sure that she's okay. And it seems she's been getting a lot of these calls, so I want to be sure you're okay too."

"Yeah? Well, we're fine so you can leave now."

"Well, your Mom is my ride, so I guess we're stuck with each other." Lindsey glared at him.

"Lindsey please," Catherine interjected. "Jim is… he and I are…"

"Screwing each other…" the girl offered. Jim closed his eyes as her vehemence slapped them both. Catherine sighed. "Engaged," Catherine finished.

Shock encompassed the teen's face as her mouth dropped open for an instant. Then regaining her composure, she responded, "you're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not. Jim asked me to marry him and I said yes."

"Lindsey's eyes travelled to Jim. She surveyed him intently and then her gaze flickered back to her mother. "But why? He's not your type…and he's…old."

Catherine sighed an exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes. "So I found a new type…and Jim is not old…just seasoned."

Jim laughed at that one. "Hey, be honest Catherine; I'm over the hill…old as dirt." His eyes danced with merriment as he agreed with Lindsey. She didn't appreciate the support, however.

Ms. Hanson chose that moment to appear, much to the relief of Catherine. She introduced Jim to the headmistress and the four of them walked into her office. Catherine sat between Jim and Lindsey. Lindsey slumped in her chair, obviously not interested in anything the adults had to say. Jim sat, attentive but quiet.

Lindsey grew more and more impatient as Ms. Hanson described her latest infraction. After relating a litany of small rule infringements through the morning, Lindsey had decided to begin the afternoon by mooning the boys wrestling team. Lindsey giggled as Ms. Hanson struggled to remain cool as she explained. Catherine gasped and then frowned, turning her glare towards Lindsey. Jim rolled his eyes and grunted, shaking his head.

"I'm afraid a suspension is required under the circumstances. And if she were ever to repeat the behavior, expulsion would follow," Ms. Hanson concluded.

Catherine sat, dumbfounded, simply staring at her daughter. Finally, she collected her thoughts enough to thank Ms. Hanson for her on going patience and assured her that Lindsey's suspension was not taken lightly. "I promise you, Ms. Hanson, her three days at home will not be a vacation."

Jim watched the tension between mother and daughter. Catherine was seething, he could tell, tension building as she was unable to respond yet. Lindsey thought it was funny.

"You okay?" Catherine finally spoke…to Jim.

"Yeah. I'm fine," he said reassuringly.

"Need to go home or can you come to my place for awhile?"

"Let's go to your place; I'll be fine."

"Good," she glanced over. "I need you to keep me from killing her."

Lindsey laughed until her mother turned and unleashed a formidable glower. "You are not allowed to laugh. Don't laugh, don't talk, don't hum...don't make a sound…"

Once Catherine unlocked the door to her house, Lindsey pushed through and headed upstairs. Catherine threw her purse and keys on the counter and fell into her couch. Jim slid down beside her and took her in his arms. He felt her relax into him, her angry energy draining. "That's it, Baby. Calm down so you can think how you want to handle this."

"I want to strangle her…that's how I want to handle it. Can you blame me? A jury wouldn't convict me, would they? I mean, I pay al lot…A LOT of money for her to attend that school. And she says she likes it there. And then she pulls stupid stunts like this and ….and I could just strangle her."

Jim massaged her scalp with his fingers, enjoying the feel of her silky hair between them. "Ellie used to pull stunts like that when she wanted attention. Maybe that's what Lindsey is doing, calling for attention. You have been spending most of your time worrying about me lately."

His calm voice and the reasoning behind it soothed Catherine. "But you are so much more fun to worry about…"

Jim smiled but his eyes remained serious. "She's a kid and she needs you, whether she wants to admit it or not. And there's so much happening, some of it she apparently doesn't even know about yet." He looked at her intently, questioning.

"Sorry. I meant to tell her…about the engagement, I mean. But everything has been so…mixed up."

"So, if you are having that much trouble coping, imagine what it is like for her, especially since she doesn't understand why."

"So what are you saying? I should tell her…_everything_?"

Tenderness swathed his expression. "_Everything_ is going to be pretty obvious soon," he said as his hand covered her tummy. "I think we need to sit down and talk with her. Tell her what we are planning. And listen to her concerns. But first, I think you need to decide what the appropriate discipline will be for today. That can be part of the discussion too."

She sighed as she accepted his wisdom. "Tell me again why Ellie has such a problem with you…"

Jim smirked, sadness flittering in his eyes. "I got wisdom from all the mistakes I made with her. Getting angry and doing something rash isn't going to help. Believe me, I know."

"Okay," she said, her head settling onto his shoulder. "But first I need to get calm."

He drew her closer, kissing her head gently and holding her. "That's my girl," he whispered.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for all the reviews on the last chappie! You guys are the best. I'm happy to hear that so many of you are still enjoying. Hope this chappie does something for you;-) Let me know.


	10. Fessing Up

Catherine and Lindsey sat almost toe to toe in the living room. Lindsey had flopped on the couch when Catherine called her down and Catherine settled on the coffee table, facing her daughter. Jim was taking a nap in Catherine's room. She had seen the weariness in his face and noticed grimaces of pain occurring more frequently. She knew he was trying to wean himself off the painkillers and consequently was taking Tylenol to expand the time between doses, so she gave him some Tylenol and sent him to bed. He had reluctantly agreed when she told him that she was calmer and prepared to deal with her misbehaving daughter, thanks to his support.

Lindsey, this can't continue," she told the teen. "Instead of spending your time and energy creating new ways to get into trouble, you should be focused on college, where you want to go and what you want to study."

Lindsey rolled her eyes. "I want to go far away and study…human anatomy, I think; male anatomy in particular. You know, follow in my mother's footsteps."

Catherine recognized Lindsey's attempt to bait her and didn't bite. "Well, if by 'your mother's footsteps' you mean all the mistakes I've made with men, then I'd prefer you have an easier time with that. As smart as you are, I would think you might have learned something from my mistakes."

"What about him?" she asked, motioning upstairs implying Jim.

"He's not a mistake."

"Right," drawled Lindsey. "That's what you say this month. What will the flavor be next month?"

"Jim," Catherine said with confidence. "Honey, we've known each other for years. I know who he is; the good and the bad…and he knows me. He knows my history. He loves me anyway and I love him."

"But he's sooo old."

"He's only nine years older than me, kiddo. If he seems older, then that's what life has done to him. All of those lines aren't there because of the years on the calendar but because of a lifetime of caring and worry. He's always tried to do what he thought was right, not always the popular thing, and he's paid a high price for it. You remember when he was shot. He almost died…he did die actually but they brought him back. Now this; he was stabbed protecting me."

"So you're marrying him because you owe him?"

"I'm marrying him because I love him…and he loves me…really loves _me._ And he wants to love you, if you'll give him a chance."

"He doesn't even know me," Lindsey said in a huff.

"No, he doesn't. But that's who he is. I love you, so that makes you special to him. Why do you think he led the way into the house when you were kidnapped? He didn't want to trust your safety to anyone else."

"You've been with him that long?" Lindsey asked incredulously.

"No…but he has cared for me that long. We started seeing each other after Warrick's death."

Lindsey sat, thinking for a moment. Then an impish grin broke on her face. "Is he …you know, good in bed?"

"Lindsey!" Catherine exclaimed, shock running through her.

Lindsey giggled. "Well, he just seems…I don't know, like it would be awkward."

Catherine really didn't want to talk about it but decided that maybe this was a good opportunity to have a short mother/daughter chat…very short. "Well, sex is pretty awkward under any circumstance, if you think about it. And most men are clumsy."

"So, he's not…"

"Lindsey," Catherine said uneasily, signaling her desire not to go there. But she decided to give her daughter something…"He's very tender…loving, and that's all I'm going to say about it."

Lindsey stared at her mother, bewildered. "You are actually blushing, Mom. Thinking about being with him makes you blush. God…you do love him."

"Yes, I do…and we are going to get married. And there's something else…" Catherine was nervous about the rest of her news. "I'm pregnant," she blurted out after a deep breath.

Lindsey's eyes widened. "What? You're too old for that."

"Ah, yeah," Catherine responded sheepishly. "But it happened anyway. And…well, at my age, it is very risky for me and for the baby…well, I guess more for the baby. Just so many things can go wrong. And Jim being stabbed just made more stress. I can't deal with anymore stress, honey. I need you to promise you will behave yourself. I really need you with me on this."

"Does…does ..._he_ know?"

"Yes, he does. And he was a surprised as you are. And he's as scared as I am. But he wants us to be a family. Lindsey. He wants you to be the big sister, just as I do. But he also recognizes that you're almost an adult and entitled to some of your own space. He's put his house up for sale and wants us to look at houses; wants to find one that has plenty of space for you and your friends to hang out without the baby being in the middle of it. He's given it a lot of thought actually…"

"But what about this house?"

"I'll probably sell it. He told me to put the proceeds in your college fund."

"So…what does he get out of all of this? I mean, always before, when things started getting serious and hit the planning stage, the guys disappeared. Even Dad…he never ...well, it was always you who…provided."

"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't know you knew that about your Dad. I wanted you to have good memories of him."

"Yeah, right. That last night, he took me with him while he went to meet his singer girlfriend and score some drugs. If you hadn't found me…"

"The drugs were hers, baby."

"Yeah, so you think _he_ would never do that to me…" She glanced again in the direction of the bedroom.

"Put you in a position like that? No. Jim has a daughter, Linds. And they hardly speak…just when she needs something. There's a long story and I don't know all of it, but I know it is his biggest heartache that things are so bad between them. He's tried but she just won't give an inch. The more he tries, the harder she fights him. She showed up after his shooting. While he was in surgery, fighting for his life, she was at the PD asking about his pension. She stood in the hall with Gil and me and watched as he flatlined and was brought back and then she disappeared."

Lindsey shivered. "Cold."

"Yeah, it was. But what I'm getting at…Jim wants better for you and me. He knows it would break my heart for us to end up like that and he wants to help. He's not your Dad, Linds. He isn't trying to be your Dad, but he wants to be here for you. And I am here for you. But you have to stop all this craziness."

Lindsey sighed. "I know…I don't know why I do it sometimes…But I'll try to do better."

Catherine smiled at her daughter. "Well, I promised Ms. Hanson that this wouldn't be a vacation and I meant it. While you are suspended, you are also grounded. No phone, no IM, no going out unless it is with me. You can catch up on your schoolwork, read, clean your room…but no friends over and you are not going anywhere." Lindsey looked angry but she remained silent. "Understand?" Catherine asked. Lindsey nodded that she did. "Okay, then…why don't you get started on your room?" Lindsey shrugged and headed upstairs.

Jim woke to the sound of her door slamming. It took a minute to gather his senses and realize where he was. Slowly he rose from the bed and trudged across the floor and down the hall. He knocked on her door, listened for a response, which was the sound of something hitting the other side and "go away" from the occupant of the room. Jim turned the knob and eased the door open. Slowly he poked his head around the door, leaning slightly so that it protected his body, just in case any more objects flew his way. "Hey, you okay?" he asked.

Lindsey glared at him. "Like you care."

Jim winced; she was very angry. He glanced at the floor and then back in the hall, looking for an answer. Then he slipped through the door into her room. "Yeah, I do…"

She stood in the middle of her room, a book in hand ready to be launched. "Yeah right…"

"Yeah. Look, I know you are wondering about your mother and me…"

"Not anymore," she taunted. "You two are getting married because you got her pregnant. Nice work…especially for an old guy. But I know, you don't really care about her or us…"

Jim sighed. "If I didn't care, I'd just walk away. I'm not sure what your problem is with me, but you need to get used to me being around. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you will…men always leave."

"Not all men…"

"You did. Mom says you already have a kid. Where is she? Where's her Mom?"

Her questions hit Jim in the gut like he'd been kicked. He felt himself sag under her scrutiny, but he drew in some air and formulated an answer. "My ex is still back in Jersey. My daughter is in L.A."

"Yeah, and you left them to come to Vegas."

"Had to. I sent a bunch of dirty cops to prison; things were bad after that. I had to get out."

"But you didn't bring them with you?"

"No. Nancy and I split before everything else happened. I tried to have Ellie come visit and I went back as often as I could, but it was never enough. Anything else you want to know?" he asked.

Lindsey assumed a bland expression, non-committal as she thought about other questions. Jim watched her, hoping the Q&A was over. Then he decided to offer his own comments. "Hopefully in time, you'll see I'm for real but in the meantime, what about you? Your Mom needs your support right now. I'm not an expert on these things but pregnancy at her age is very risky. We need to make things as easy for her as possible. So what do you think, huh? Truce…for your mother's sake?"

Lindsey listened to him carefully. He was different from the others; he really did seem to care about her mother. And there was something about him, despite his gruff exterior, he seemed…gentle. "Okay," she answered tentatively. "But if you screw up…if you hurt her…"

Jim gambled and stepped closer to her. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me; I don't intend to screw up. But if you see me doing something stupid…you'll let me know, okay?"

Lindsey didn't want to but she found herself liking this guy. Unlike so many others, he wasn't just looking at her mother for a good time; he seemed to want her for all the times. And he seemed like he was willing to work at making her happy. And if Mom was happy, Lindsey knew her own life would be easier too. "Okay," she answered warily. Jim smiled and winked at her. "Good." Lindsey watched as he left the room, headed down to her mother. Yeah, maybe it will work this time, she thought.

"Thought we were going to tell her together," Jim said to Catherine as he walked into the kitchen.

Catherine turned and smiled at him. "About us or about the baby?"

"Both," he said as he closed in on her, taking her in his arms. "God, you feel good."

Her small responsive moan sent thrills through him.

"It all just came out when I was talking to her about her behavior. She had questions…" Catherine told him, chuckling.

"Yeah? What kind of questions?"

"How long we'd been together and…" Catherine paused to set him up for the next part of her answer. "She wanted to know what you are like in bed," she grinned.

Jim's eyes widened. "She what?"

"Wanted to know how you are in bed?"

"Did you tell her…dead?"

Catherine laughed. "No…that's temporary. I um, told her that you are a very tender lover."

Jim took her face in his hands, his gaze penetrating her eyes, his lips close to hers. His touch was gentle, Catherine reflected; not at all what one would expect from his large, strong hands. She could feel his breath on her face, tickling and arousing at the same time. She felt herself drawn into him through his eyes. Nothing was said and yet they were communicating so much. She felt his love, his respect, and his happiness. She marveled at how much he could tell her with a simple look, making her world brighten as joy swept through her. He knew her, understood her without her ever saying anything. Somehow, he knew when she hurt or was afraid…and when she was happy and he responded accordingly. He was doing that now, giving her a part of himself as their eyes talked. He knew she was happy and content and his look confirmed that her feelings were well founded. Jim would be there for her, he'd never cheat on her as Eddie had done, and he would never intentionally hurt her; he'd sooner hurt himself. And for the first time in her life, she felt cherished, valued for who she was inside, not what she was on the outside.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the reviewers of the last chapter! As you see, I did pay attention to what you said:-) I hope you enjoyed. I know there are readers following along who haven't reviewed yet, however. Can we hear from you too?


	11. The Good Life

Catherine, Jim, and Lindsey sat around the table the several nights later eating take out. Jim had offered to pay if Catherine would go get, and Lindsey was elected to select the place. Consequently, they were having Chinese. Lindsey was showing off her chop stick abilities, putting both Catherine and Jim to shame, although Catherine faired better than Jim did. Jim had given up the exercise in disgust and bailed in favor of a fork. His hand was poked more than once as he reached for samples from the girls' boxes, Lindsey delivering the more painful stick. He had grinned at her impishly and Catherine was relieved to see a smile on her daughter's face as she threatened him if he tried it again. That's when Jim turned his attacks on Catherine's box, more mischief glittering in his eyes. Lindsey actually cheered when he successfully nabbed on of her bites of chicken.

"Whose side are you on, anyway? Catherine asked as she laughed at her daughter.

"Mine," answered Lindsey. "He'll leave my food alone if you are an easier target."

Jim winked at Lindsey and looked at Catherine. "Smart girl."

The girls glanced at each other and launched a simultaneous attack on Jim's box, each stabbing chunks of his pork and withdrawing before he could stop them. They giggled as he assumed a 'picked on' look.

"So Catherine, can you drive me to my doctor's appointment tomorrow? I guess I could take myself, but with me still taking painkillers, I don't think it is a good idea."

"Sure, what time?"

"Eleven."

"What's the appointment about?" Lindsey asked, suddenly afraid that something was wrong with him.

"Well, if I'm lucky," Jim began, "I'll get the all clear to go back to work…desk duty, of course. But it will be good to get back in the swing…"

"Oh…okay," Lindsey said. "I thought maybe…" she began but her voice drifted to a whisper.

"Maybe what?" Jim asked.

"I was afraid something was wrong."

Jim grinned. "No, I don't think so. I'm feeling much better thanks to your mother's care."

Lindsey looked from Jim to her mother and saw the unspoken exchange between the two. She saw the happiness in her mother's eyes and in Jim's also. "So when you moving in?" she asked bluntly.

Catherine's jaw hung open and Jim's eyebrows shot up. He looked at Catherine, a little flushed. He hoped she would have an answer.

"Lindsey!" Catherine yelped.

Lindsey shrugged. "Look, you are pregnant with his kid, you're getting married, and he spends almost all of his time here anyway…so, why not?"

Jim cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. "I suppose it has something to do with setting a good example for the teenager in the house, which we've done a poor job with already."

"Dah…" Lindsey laughed. "I think the cat is out of the bag…and I do know where babies come from, so I know what you've been up to already. Just keep it down when I'm around, please…"

"Lindsey…" Catherine sputtered. She looked at Jim for help but he shrugged. "Don't look at me…I thought mothers and daughters were supposed to talk about this stuff," he told her. Catherine looked back at her daughter sternly. "We'll talk about this later…"

"Yeah, okay Mom. But seriously, when's Jim moving in?"

Two sets of eyes turned to Jim. "That's up to him," Catherine offered.

Jim looked from one face to the other. "Ah, no…really, you're not ready for this…I mean, we're just getting acquainted and all."

"What, you don't want to move in with us?" Catherine asked with a pouty expression.

"It's um, not that… it's just, I mean…we haven't talked about me moving in. I thought, you know…we'd wait until after the wedding." He was shifting uneasily in his chair as if bugs were crawling over him all of a sudden.

"So we're talking about it now…"

"Ah, okay…" he drawled.

Lindsey smirked. "How about after your appointment? You could get some of your clothes and stuff and then move the rest gradually…"

Jim sheepishly glanced from one Willows female to the other. "This seems kind of…sudden, don't you think?"

Just then, the phone rang. Lindsey scooted to the counter to answer it. "You guys are going to have to settle this," she told them. "This is probably Alex. We're going to do our Trig homework over the phone together."

"Alex?" Jim asked as he watched Lindsey dance out of the room, talking the whole way.

"Short for Alexis. One of her BFFs."

"BFF?"

"Best friend forever…"

"Oh," Jim nodded thoughtfully. "Things have changed in ten years."

"Not really…girls her age are still full of drama and angst and are boy crazy."

"Mmmmm, and the boys are still horny as hell and trying to get some?"

"You got it. So, what about you moving in?"

"Catherine, are you sure that's what you want? I, um…can't think of anything better than going to bed with you and waking up with you everyday, but…"

"I am sure. The only reason I haven't pushed to get married already is that I wanted to wait until Gil and Sara tie the knot. But if they don't do it soon, we're going to beat them to it."

"Yeah, well…if Gil really is waiting on me to be the Best Man, then I'm good."

"So, you'll start moving in tomorrow?"

Jim smiled at his bride to be. "I think I'm going to like losing arguments with you and your daughter."

Catherine batted her eyelashes at him outrageously. "Even better…there's always the making up after the argument."

Jim chuckled. "What, are you trying to make me pick fights with you?"

"I'd rather just skip the fights and get to the making up part," she said huskily, draping herself over his shoulder.

Jim shifted uneasily in his chair. There was nothing more that he wanted to do than take her to bed and devour her, but his lack luster reactions to her body had him nervous. Understanding his discomfort, Catherine eased off. "You know Jim, you could just hold me all night and I would be very content."

"You deserve better than content and I want you to have it."

"Well, if this little hockey player keeps growing like he has been, content will be more than enough," she chuckled as she rubbed her tummy. Jim's eyes lit at the mention of a hockey player. "So, you think it's a boy?"

Catherine smiled at him. "I honestly don't know. But girls can play hockey too, you know."

"Over my dead body. No way is she playing such a rough sport. If she wants sports she can play something less aggressive, with less contact."

Catherine started laughing again. "Oh Jim, less aggressive? Than what? I've seen some pretty abusive stuff on girl's playing fields."

"Then no sports for her. She can dance like Lindsey or maybe even something even less risky."

"Less risk…like what?"

"Don't they teach Home Ec in school anymore? She could learn to knit and cook."

"Jim Brass!" Catherine exclaimed, a look of horror coming over her face. "I never thought of you as a chauvinist. To think that you expect our daughter to just sit around knitting all day…"

"The term is chauvinist pig. And if means my baby girl is safe, then yeah…I can be that." His eyes were dancing, but Catherine detected seriousness in his posture and voice. Then she remembered Ellie. Ellie wasn't safe and it worried Jim constantly. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her mouth next to his ear and she whispered. "Our baby girl will be safe because she'll have you there for her. And she's going to grow up in a loving home and knowing that she is loved. You're going to be such a good Daddy."

Jim sighed. "I hope so. But I tried to be a good father to Ellie too and look how that turned out."

"Jim, from what you've described, there was no love in the home that she grew up in. Her mother concentrated on her own desires and satisfaction, pushing you farther and farther away with her betrayal. You loved Ellie but the situation was impossible. Not to mention the horrible example that was set for her by her mother."

"Yeah, but they say a girl's relationship with her father is the key to having a healthy outlook and good self esteem."

"You think I had a good relationship with Sam? I didn't even know he was my father until the last few years. And that bum that I thought was my father made Sam look like a prince. But I think I'm okay in the self esteem department."

"Yeah, but what about when you were younger? You went through some pretty rough times to get to where you are."

"I was stupid. If anything, I had too much self-esteem. I thought I could do anything I wanted and never suffer any consequences. But I eventually learned."

Jim smiled at her. Our baby girl is going to have a great role model."

"Our baby girl is going to be spoiled rotten, if you have anything to do with it," she smiled.

"Only fair," he shrugged. "I know if we have a boy, you'll spoil him rotten."

Catherine took his hand and led him to her room. "Come lie down with me for a little while. I want you to hold me."

"Oh I like that…"

Catherine snuggled into his arms as they spooned on her bed. Jim's hand went to her tummy, his fingers subconsciously rubbing circles around the baby bulge that had formed. He felt so content, more than he remembered ever feeling. She seemed to lean further and further into him, their bodies molding to one another until he felt they were attached.

Catherine's hand covered his as he massaged her belly, her fingers gently encouraging his. Then slowly her ass began to imitate the motion of his hand as she ground into him, although making contact a bit lower. Jim felt heat building in his core and radiating out as he became aroused. He growled and his hand moved from her tummy to her breast, his circling motion continuing around her hard nipples. "You're hard and erect," he whispered into her ear.

"So are you," she told him.

Jim could feel his growing erection as it pressed against her. Relief swept through him as he realized that this was better than it had been since he left the hospital. Maybe he wasn't so dead after all. As he rubbed her breast, she ground into him more and more, teasing his cock and sending more tremors through him. "God this is good," he whispered to her.

She rolled over to face him, her hand moving to his face, stroking his cheek. Her lust-filled eyes met his and as she licked her lips, he forgot to breathe. A small moan escaped him as he gasped for air, his chest swelling until he thought it would explode. "Catherine," his whispered, his voice breaking with emotion. His hand shook as he pushed hair off her face. Words weren't necessary, as each perceived the growing passion of the other.

She watched as various emotions played through his expressions; joy, fear, anticipation, relief…love, lust and adoration. One of the things she loved the most about him was how she could read his face and know what he was thinking and feeling. He was so open to her, so willing to let her see inside. As they lay there gazing at one another, it seemed as time stopped and they were transported to their own private place, away from all the concerns of the world. For that moment, they were in a place that was their very own, that just held the two of them.

She studied his face, the creases and lines on his forehead, eyes, and around his mouth. Lines ran from his nose to his mouth that deepened whenever he smiled and indicated a lot of laughter. Catherine knew they were honest lines; Jim had a keen sense of humor. She loved the set of his mouth, a firmness that implied strength, a character trait that she most associated with Jim. His upper lip overlapped his lower slightly when he was relaxed, reminding her of a little boy. As she studied his lips she couldn't miss the five o'clock shadow above his upper lip that always seemed to be with him. Scrutinizing his lips also sent tremors up and down her spine as she thought of what he could do to her with those lips. And then there were his eyes, beautiful blue eyes that could darken with anger or lust or twinkle with laughter; intense eyes that revealed intelligence with which few credited him. But she also knew that Jim had done that on purpose. He often assumed a bland, almost stupid look when dealing with suspects or witnesses, his demeanor changing as he zeroed in on the flaws in their stories, his eyes piecing through their lies and nailing them down. Right now, however, he looked neither bland nor especially intelligent. Arousal darkened the blue of his irises and lust made his eyelids heavy.

She closed in on those lips to kiss him. Her hand made its way across his cheek, her fingers working behind his ear, gently rubbing, teasing the soft short hair there. His intake of breath signaled that she had hit her target. That was one of his erogenous zones.

Jim was still nervous that his manhood wouldn't be able to stand up for the task, but her study of him, her kiss, and her fingers were fanning flames within him and the fire was consuming his ability to do anything but respond to her. Their lovemaking was slow and rhythmic, Jim wanting to savor every moment. The sight of her naked beneath him, the bulge of their baby in plain view, nearly sent him over the edge. His hands caressed her there, the knowledge of his growing baby inside of her igniting him further. Entering her was like going home after a long absence. It was quite simply ecstasy, a sense of belonging, of comfort, and a little bit of heaven. Her reaction to his presences within was exhilarating. Muscles tightened around him, massaging his manhood as she writhed in her own rapture. Her hands pulled him into her more and more, taking him higher and higher. He knew she was on the edge about to explode. "Come on, Baby…let it go," he mumbled as he struggled to hold back. He watched her eyes watching him as she climaxed, calling his name as she came.

Holding her as she descended, her body relaxing, he whispered to her, telling her how fantastic she felt around him. His hands stroked her, soothing her as she quieted. She basked in his warmth for a moment before realizing he was still very hard and deep inside her. A smile lit her face as fire ignited within her again and her hands reached for his ass, coaxing him to stroke her again. This time they climbed the precipice together, releasing as one, and descended clinging to each other blissfully. Jim fought to catch his breath as her held her to him, loving the feel of her heat and the smell of their combined scents.

Catherine snuggled into him as his arms remained around her. Her head rested on his chest, her fingers lazily playing in the turf of his chest as he dozed off, sighing and smiling. She listened as his breathing regulated and slowed along with is heartbeat. Relief swept through her as it sank in that his "performance issues" must be over. While she had been prepared to work with him through the rough spots, she definitely was happy to have all of Jim back. Visions of things to come danced in her head as she also drifted into sleep.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Things are looking pretty good for Jim and Catherine. Hmmm, we'll have to see what we can do about that. Please review. Real life is making huge demands right now and I can use the lift;-)


	12. Chargers

Jim and Catherine were sitting at a table at a little Bistro near the doctor's office. His appointment had gone well with him getting the okay to go back to work the following week; light duty of course. Catherine was working her way through a salad while Jim downed his chicken. She kept glancing up at him playfully He smiled back at her rather smugly, her glances confirming that she had enjoyed the previous night's activities.

"So, you up for a little shopping?" she asked.

A small groan rumbled out of his chest as he rolled his head to one side, his eyes fixing on her. "Shopping?"

"For the baby," she smiled.

His smile answered hers. "About time, I guess…"

"I have an appointment on Friday. Wanna come?"

Catherine nearly laughed as she watched the conflicting expressions that crossed his face. "Ah… do I have to see anything, you know…gross?" She did laugh at that. "No…nothing gross. But Dr. Mullins wants to discuss the tests and we'll do an ultrasound."

"Tests? You mean the ones…"

"…for chromosomal abnormalities."

Jim flinched. "If it's got my chromosomes, then it is abnormal."

Catherine swatted his arm. "Jim," she chided. "I think you have very nice chromosomes."

"What, you been looking at my chromosomes?"

Giggling, she answered. "I've been looking at more than that. And I like everything I see."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you're into chunky old bald guys…"

"No…only one. But he isn't chunky and he isn't old. And I like his fuzzy hair, especially the fur on his chest. I um, get all misty just thinking about him…if ya know what I mean."

Jim's fork stopped half way to his mouth as he caught her meaning. "God woman, you're gonna make me choke on my chicken." Catherine laughed, her hand reaching over to him. "Can't have that now, can we. I'd lose my favorite toy."

"Toy?" he asked, merriment dancing in his eyes.

"You…and you're little friend down there," she answered coyly.

Jim put his fork down, eyeing it warily. Then he smirked at her. "You keep talking like that and my little friend isn't going to be so little anymore."

Her face lit with a smile. "Finish your chicken and we'll continue this discussion later."

Jim did as he was told, the two of them glancing at each other through the rest of the meal, their eyes flirting and teasing, insinuating things much steamier than either had words to express. When they had finished, Jim paid the check and they headed out to the parking lot. They had taken Jim's Charger. He had insisted that they put the miles on his car for a change. And as they approached, he snatched the keys from her and opened the door, holding it as she slipped into the passenger side. "So where are we going shopping?" he asked as he climbed in on his side.

"There's this cute little shop near the mall," she told him.

"Cute," he said woefully. "Great…"

They headed toward the mall, her hand finding its way to his thigh and his hand covering hers. "You know…" she said wistfully, "I, um, had my first heavy make out session in a Charger."

"Oh?" Jim asked, his eyebrow lifting as his eyes darted sideways to glance at her.

"Yeah, Greg Hanson. He drove a Charger; it had a rake on it…one of the coolest cars in the school parking lot."

"I'll bet," Jim said flatly, trying to hide the twinge of jealously that knotted his stomach.

"Yeah, it was orange with a black stripe. That was a really hot set of wheels." Her tone was breathy and seductive. She turned to look at him, licking her lips, her eyes twinkling.

Jim cleared his throat. "Yeah, if it was the model that I think it was, those were awesome."

Catherine glanced at the road. "There's a…um, park ahead."

"Park? Okay…"

"Yeah, there won't be many people there this time of day."

Again, his eyebrow shot up. "Okay?"

"There it is," she said pointing to the entrance.

"You want to go to the park?"

"Pull in."

Jim followed her instructions and turned into the parking lot. "Now what?"

Smiling seductively, Catherine answered. "Park."

He pulled into a space near a tree and cut the engine. Then turning to her, he looked at her quizzically. "Okay?"

Unfastening her seatbelt, she scooted closer to him. "I want to see if Chargers still hold the charm that I remember."

It was then that Jim understood and his expression reflected his awareness. "Ah, you wanna go parking?" he asked incredulously. "In broad daylight?"

She didn't answer his question, at least not verbally. But the predatory expression on her face as she neared his gave him the answer. She stopped with their lips just millimeters apart, her breath warm on his face. Hesitantly she lingered, her closeness tantalizing as she held her position, their eyes meeting. Her desire was unmistakable. He inhaled deeply, put his arm around her, cradling her neck and pulling her closer. But still their lips hovered over one another, not quite touching. Her face was becoming flushed with anticipation as Jim felt blood rush to his own cheeks. But still their lips did not meet. Instead, he loitered around her face, their breaths intermingling as he moved over her face. A strand of her hair fell, brushing his face, teasing his already tingling skin.

For Jim, it was as if his entire body focused on her lips. Fire ignited within him as he studied the enticing shape of her mouth, the shimmering moisture and tint as she held it slightly open, ready to receive his attention. And then slowly, tentatively, their lips met in an almost chaste kiss. He felt every cell of his lips disconnect from hers as they peeled apart. And then they reconnected, this time a little more zealously. The sound of their breathing and the suction between them was the only thing that broke the quiet that surrounded them.

The kisses continued to strengthen, lips pressed against lips. He moved his free hand up to her neck, his fingers closing around the back, just at her hairline, imitating the motion of his lips over hers. His tongue touched her aperture, caressing as it explored. Then finally, it returned to the slight gap at the center of her lips and teased its way in, gently forcing a larger opening. Her moan at his entry sent a new wave of adrenaline through him and he forced himself to hold back, not giving into the urges that coursed through him. Her body went limp as the heat intensified within her.

Their tongues danced playfully around each other, until they found a solid connection and the real games began. Her hand had moved to his chest and her fingers massaged his shirt. Carefully she managed to unbutton one of the buttons and her fingers gained access, elated to find skin and hair beneath. She delighted in his answering whimper. They broke for air, their faces flushed and their lips already showing signs of their rendezvous.

He lingered near her face, his nostrils taking in her scent; the whiff of a mixture of her fruity shampoo and the essence of Catherine sent waves of desire through him, his eyes closing as the heady mixture overtook him. Pausing momentarily, cheek to cheek, Jim let the effect settle as he basked in the passion that she stirred in him. Slowly his eyes opened, focusing on her ear which was simply too enticing. His hand moved and his fingers began to trace the edge, playing into her hair as they travelled. Then his lips claimed her earlobe, gently sucking, his tongue replacing his fingers as it flicked the tiny bit that rested between his lips. She responded by moving into him, pressing for more, a lusty gasp escaping as his tongue circled.

She pulled away, seeking his mouth with her own, where she began an all out assault, her tongue plunging into him and engaging his. They kissed with a renewed fervor that pushed their bodies closer together, desiring more and more contact. Somehow, they overcame the awkwardness of being in a car and found positions that accommodated their continuing pursuit of one another. A sudden tapping on his window irritated both of them. Breaking apart, Jim realized how disheveled they had become and gave Catherine a second to back away and adjust. Then he rolled down his window, struggling to look calm and blasé.

A woman in her mid thirties stood outside looking perturbed. Motioning to the playground behind her, she barked. "Get a room. This playground is for kids. If you don't go away, I'm calling the police."

Catherine started giggling uncontrollably which made Jim snicker. "Lady, we are the police. You've just interrupted an undercover operation."

She looked disdainfully at him. "Undercover? It should be. And I meant it, take it someplace else or I'm calling the police." She turned and stalked away.

Jim turned back to look at Catherine, who was still laughing. He grinned and shrugged his shoulders. "Get a room, she says…"

"But we were going shopping," Catherine said demurely.

"Can't."

"Can't?" Her eyes widened. "What's changed?"

"Nothing, but I need to…"

She looked at him confused. And then dolefully he glanced down. Catherine's eyes followed his to his lap where a spot had formed. She started laughing again.

Jim rolled his eyes. "That hasn't happened to me since high school and it's all your fault."

She started to retort but when she opened her mouth, more giggles erupted. Finally, she was able to speak. "We could go by your house…" she paused to chuckle. "…and you could change."

"Or not," his expression taking on a hint of mischief.

A fire ignited in her once again as he stared at her in a predatory manner. "Or not…" she agreed.

Jim turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. "So, still like Chargers?"

"Definitely," she smiled.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

This one was a little shorter than the other chapters, but I had fun writing it after I read an article on kissing. Decided Jim and Catherine needed a good ole fashioned make out session. Let me know how you liked it.


	13. Shopping

They did go by Jim's house for him to change clothes. They also took time out for more recreation as they continued their make out session until in culminated in a predictable tangling of limbs, as two bodies became one. As their bodies began to cool, Jim held Catherine, his hand gently stroking her arm languorously. He let out a deep sigh and then whispered his love for her.

"Prove it," she taunted, also languidly.

"Prove it? I um…just … well, I thought you …wasn't it enough? I mean, I thought I was very…"

"You were very…" she smiled. "I've never had a more tender or considerate lover. But that doesn't prove love."

Jim frowned. "So how…"

"Go shopping with me."

Jim chuckled. "What's a guy gotta do to please you…wait, don't answer; I get it…go shopping."

"For the baby…" she smiled as her finger traced his lips.

"Yeah, for the baby," he answered as he gently took her finger between his lips and teased it with his tongue. "But first…a shower. Care to join me?"

Catherine looked at his smirking face and grinned. "We'll never get there if I shower with you."

Looking contemplative, Jim answered. "You're right. Give me about ten minutes and then it's your turn."

Two hours later Jim and Catherine walked into the baby store, freshly showered and very relaxed. "So where do we start?" he asked as he looked around the store, a bit overwhelmed by amount of items he saw.

"Furniture?"

He nodded and they headed to their right, towards the furniture department. Jim's eyes grew huge as he saw the various styles and designs. "There sure are a lot of choices. When Ellie was born, we just bought the basic crib with the jailhouse bars."

Catherine smiled. "I had a round crib for Lindsey. It had a canopy around it with pink and white stripes."

Jim quit looking at the beds and looked back at her. "Sounds pretty. But we don't know if it is a boy or girl…"

"So we'll shop generically. "Oooo," she said as she pointed to a find in the corner. Jim followed her gaze and saw a bassinet in the corner with layers and layers of lace skirting it. He tilted his head, raised an eyebrow and shrugged. Then another bed caught his eye. It was a round crib with four posts, shaped like hockey sticks. Pucks dangled over it in a mobile. The bedding had hockey players skating. His face lit up when he saw it. Catherine caught his reaction and looked towards the bed. "Oh no…"

"What, you can bury my son in lace but he can't share my love of hockey?" Jim teased.

"Okay, okay…generic…"

They looked around at the various cribs. "Maybe we should get a convertible crib," she suggested.

"Convertible? As in top down, wind in hair?"

"As in converting to a toddler bed after the baby outgrows a crib."

"Ah…what about that one?" he asked pointing to a Jenny Lind style along the wall.

"Too many bars and curves. What about a sleigh style?"

Jim followed her to an arrangement that featured a sleigh style crib. It was made of dark wood and looked heavy to him. "Kind of bulky for a little guy, don't you think?""

Catherine shrugged and began looking around again. Jim followed her as she surveyed the choices. He saw her reaction to another set on the next aisle. He looked at the furniture and then at her face. He knew this was the set. It was sleek, with squared lines accented by arches in the ends. While bars were on every side, it didn't have a jailhouse appearance like the first collection. And it looked sturdy, ready to stand up to the years of abuse that Jim knew a small child could inflict.

They looked at the possible choices of chests and other furniture. Catherine selected a dresser with a changing tray and a tall thin chest that had a lid that would lift. There was a mirror on the inside. As Jim examined it, he was impressed by the workmanship, complete with finely fitted dovetailing. As he looked further, he realized that it was solid wood, none of the prefab stuff that was working its way into so much furniture these days.

Catherine was standing next to the crib, her eyes focused on the mattress, a slight smile at the corners of her mouth. Jim edged next to her, his eyes following the direction of her gaze. Mental images played in their minds of their little bundle of joy in the bed, sleeping, cooing, and doing all the things that babies do. His hand went to the small of her back, Jim needing contact with her as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. That was his baby causing her abdomen to protrude…his. There would be no shadow hanging over this child. Jim was free to love it, and its mother, freely with no clouds. For years, the filth and grime of lies, deceit, greed, and anger had slowly buried Jim. As he glanced from the crib to Catherine, he felt clean … their relationship was uncontaminated by deception. It occurred to him, as he looked back at the crib that this furniture reflected that. The clean, simple lines said love to him…pure and straightforward.

He nudged closer, his hand working around her back to caress the side of her tummy. Catherine sensed that something was going on with Jim, something more than just looking at furniture and thinking about the future with their baby. She tilted her head to rest on his shoulder and he gently nuzzled her. A sales person chose that moment to appear.

"May I help you find something?" She asked.

As the couple turned to face her, it was clear that she had expected to find a father holding his daughter. Her look of surprise at finding two likely grandparents with the woman being pregnant was transparent.

Jim cleared his throat and spoke. "Yeah, we are interested in this set," he told her.

The woman closed in, beginning a discussion of the furniture and the various options. Jim zoned out, however. He let Catherine take control of their side of the conversation and he simply watched. The animation in her face made him happy as she talked with the sales clerk. Jim watched her blue eyes as the twinkled with excitement; it seemed to Jim that she glowed all the time now anyway. He swallowed deeply as it hit him once again that this was _his_ baby that she was so excited about; he still had trouble believing it.

Catherine selected the 'cinnamon' finish for the furniture. Jim liked it; the color reminded him of her hair. The wood would be darker, of course, but the same general coloring. The sales lady wrote down which pieces they wanted and then asked for a delivery address. The couple paused. Catherine sighed. "I don't have room at my house…"

"It can go to mine for now. We'll keep it there until we find a new house." Jim offered. She nodded and he gave his address to the woman. "We're going to browse some more," he told the woman. "Just hold the order and I'll pay for everything when we're done." She nodded and disappeared. "Thought she'd never leave," he mumbled. Catherine snickered. "We needed her to order the furniture…"

Jim looked into her eyes. "Yeah, but she was in the way."

"In the way?" She looked perplexed.

His own eyes began to twinkle as he gently kissed her, right there by the crib. It was a warm, loving kiss that promised more later but revealed his happiness in the moment. She responded by wrapping her arms around him and as they broke apart, she cuddled into him. As he held her, he whispered. "We're going to do a lot of this…"

"What?" Her muffled voice asked.

"Kissing and hugging next to our baby's crib." He smiled as he said it. She sighed a deep sigh of contentment and then backed away. "You said we were going to browse some more?"

He took her hand and held it as they wandered through the store. There were so many things to look at. Jim had been too busy to do this with Nancy when she was pregnant with Ellie. He realized now that he had made a mistake then. Maybe if he'd tried harder things would have been better. He wasn't foolish enough to belief that the marriage would have lasted under any circumstances, but maybe it wouldn't have turned so ugly. But now he was with Catherine and he was going to do things better. He would never be too busy for her or their baby, he vowed.

They looked at bedding and at strollers. He saw her looking at various chairs and slings for babies and nixed the one on elastic straps that made the baby bounce up and down. His sister had said that made kids hyper and after seeing his nephews, he believed it.

Then she spotted the Snugli pouches. He remembered his sister wearing one. She looked like she was carrying a turtle on her chest, he'd thought at the time. He decided that maybe he shouldn't mention that to Catherine. As she looked through the various designs and colors, she found one for Daddies. "Oh no," he began to protest. "I'm not wearing a turtle pack…"

"Turtle pack?" she giggled.

"Yeah. It always looks like there's a turtle in there. You know, the arms and legs hanging out and the head barely showing over the top…" Catherine continued to giggle as she put the pouch down.

As they moved around, Jim picked up a few things. He spotted a baby monitor and put it in the shopping basket. He picked up a package of safety plugs for the electrical outlets and tossed them in. While Catherine was busy looking at receiving blankets, Jim was looking at the plush toys. He picked two and threw them in. Then he glanced at Catherine, a contemplative expression coming over him. Quickly he covered the plushies with the other items. She turned around with a package of blankets and he tossed that in on top.

They looked at baby clothes, bath sets, and baby books. But they decided to wait awhile before stocking up on everything. Besides, the team would most likely want to do some shopping to for the little Brass baby. Jim went to pay for their purchases as Catherine lingered over a display of nursery décor. He asked the clerk to put the plushies in gift bags and then in the larger shopping bag. Once everything had been paid for and the delivery information confirmed, he joined Catherine at the display. She smiled through happy tears as he grinned at her. Then they left.

They drove to her place and he unloaded the car as she unlocked the door. He carried the bag in and pulled out the two gift bags. Catherine looked at him puzzled. "One for you and one for the baby," he grinned as he held them out for her.

She took them from him and asked which was hers. "The pink one," he pointed.

She opened the bag and began to chuckle as she pulled out the contents. "A turtle of my very own," she commented, hugging it closely.

"Yeah…until the real one comes. And if I have to, I'll wear a turtle suit too…I'll wear anything you want me to."

Her expression changed causing a warm flush in Jim. "Anything…or nothing?" she asked flirtatiously. A grumble emanated from somewhere deep inside of Jim. "Keep that up and you'll spend the rest of the day in bed," he teased. Catherine laughed but it turned into a yawn. "Maybe that isn't such a bad idea." He added. "You're tired."

Catherine nodded in agreement. Jim led Catherine, still holding her turtle, to the bedroom where he helped her lose the shopping outfit and held up her favorite baggy sleeping shirt as she slipped into it. He pulled back the covers and held them while she climbed in. Then tucking her in, he sat next to her on the bed, smiling as she continued to hold the turtle. "I'm going to run by my place and take care of a few things while you sleep. You'll be okay?"

She nodded. "I've got my turtle," she smiled sleepily. He grinned and bent over to kiss her forehead. "I'm jealous," Jim stated. He watched as she closed her eyes and then once she was asleep he headed out.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Everybody says they want happy but when I write happy the reviews fall off. Don't we like this story anymore? I'm running out of H/C ideas for Jim. I think I've had him get shot and stabbed a few times now in my stories and there have been other things too... But if H/C is what you want, I'll give it some more thought;-) The little button is still down there; I checked. Please use it.


	14. Ellie

Jim Brass was on a mission. He went back to the baby store to look again at an item that had caught his eye earlier. Once inside, he approached the same sales person and inquired about the "Mommy" jewelry. She took him to the display case where he spotted the locket he had seen earlier. It was gold, heart-shaped, and the perfect size for Catherine's neck, he thought. As he held it to examine it, he studied the small scrolls in the front and the single diamond chip He opened the tiny clasp and saw that there were places for two pictures. "It's just big enough for a word to two or inscription," the sales clerk informed him. "But the words have to be small."

Jim contemplated what he could say in just a tiny word or two. He couldn't think of anything that even began to describe his feelings for the woman that was carrying his child. Then an inspiration came to him and he told the clerk what he wanted. She smiled and told him he could pick it up in two days. Once again, he paid for his purchase and left.

This time he did head for his house. He was standing at his closet door, thinking about which clothes he would take to Catherine's when he heard the phone ring. It was rare that Jim got anything but telemarketers on his landline; he relied heavily on his cell for communication. But he listened as the answering machine picked up the call. "Dad?...Daddy?" a young female voice said hesitantly. Jim hurried to pick up the call and answered just in time. "Ellie?"

"Oh…um…yeah, Dad. Its me. I um…thought I'd try you at home before I called PD."

"Yeah, I'm glad you did. You okay?"

"Yeah. But…"

"Ellie?" he asked, trying to sound concerned but not wary. A call from his daughter usually meant trouble.

"Well, I was wondering…I mean, I thought maybe…I don't know, maybe this is a bad idea. It's just that I called Mom and she said no and I'm kind of running out of options…"

"Just tell me, Ellie. What is it you need?"

"I…well, do you think I could stay with you for a little while?"

"Stay with me? As in live in my house?"

"Well…yeah."

"Why, Ellie? Is someone after you? Are you in trouble again?"

"Kind of…but not the trouble I'm sure you expect from me. I'm not doing drugs or anything. And I gave up the streets months ago. I um…well, I just need a place to stay while I get back on my feet."

Jim hesitated. Everything was so perfect in his life right now. Ellie would upset that. But then, she was his daughter. How could he say no? "Your Mom said no?"

"Yeah, she um…just started up with a new guy and she said I would ruin things."

Jim closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "Yeah…okay, I understand." He sighed deeply before he answered. "Yeah, you can stay with me for awhile. But this isn't permanent, Ellie. I've got some changes going on in my life as well and …"

"Thanks Dad," she interjected before he could finish. "I promise that it will only be until I can get it together."

"Okay, so do you need help getting to Vegas… a bus ticket or something?"

There was a pause before she answered. "Actually, I'm at the bus station now…in Vegas."

Jim smirked. "Yeah, I'm a pushover and you knew it…"

He could hear relaxation in her voice as she answered. "Yeah, Dad…you are."

"Okay, look…instead of waiting for me to drive over there, hop in a cab and I'll pay the cabbie when you get here, okay?" He gave her his address and after hanging up, surveyed his house to quickly do some straightening. A little over a half hour later, he heard the cab out front. Jim walked out to greet his daughter and pay the driver and was surprised when the cab pulled away, leaving Ellie and her luggage standing on the sidewalk. Ellie was holding something in her arms, which he identified as he approached. He looked questionably at his daughter and she looked at him expectantly. "Meet your granddaughter," she said as she held out the blanket.

Jim's eyebrows shot way up as he looked at Ellie and then glanced at the blanket and its contents. "Granddaughter?"

"Jamie Rebecca. I named her after you…and me too," She told him.

A thousand questions flooded Jim's mind along with conflicting emotions. He decided questions could wait until they got inside. Glancing again into the bundle, he smiled. "She looks like you did as a baby."

Jim was an observant man; his job depended on it. Consequently, he saw the effect his words and calm demeanor had on her. She relaxed a little more and seemed pleased with his reaction…or lack of one.

Jim led them inside, carrying her bags. He took the bags to the quest room and returned to the living room to find Ellie staring at a picture he had on his shelf. It was of her when she was about twelve. She turned to him, tears in her eyes. "I remember that day…"

"Yeah, so do I," he told her. "It was one of the most perfect days of my life."

The day flashed through Jim's mind quickly. He had returned to Jersey to visit Ellie and finish the details of his divorce. Nancy had let him spend the day with Ellie and they had gone to the park, among other things. Ellie had been happy to see him and they had a good time together. A by passer had snapped the picture. Jim was sitting in a swing with Ellie pushing him.

"So, tell me about Jamie?" he asked as they settled in the living room; he on the couch and her in a chair.

"She's two and a half months old. And she's the best thing that ever happened to me."

Jim tilted his head and looked quizzical. "Really?"

"I um… I don't know who her father is…probably a john. But when I found out that I was pregnant…I decided to quit…the streets, I mean. I can't explain it but suddenly she was the only thing that mattered. Of course, I didn't know it was a she then; it could have been a he…"

Jim smiled and said wistfully, "Yeah, it hits like a lightening bolt…the idea of parenthood." And then looked at her tenderly, he added, "but you're right, it can be the best thing…"

"Having her…it made me realize some things…" Jim waited patiently for her to continue. Her expression was contemplative as she worked to find the right words for her feelings. "One thing was why you've never given up on me. With everything I've done, everything I've said to you…you still never stopped loving me. I never understood …never appreciated what that was."

Jim's expression was tender and loving as he thought how his daughter had finally grown up…grown out of her own selfishness. "From the first time I held you, you've had my heart," he told her. "Maybe I didn't always show it or maybe I did things all wrong…"

She shook her head, stopping him. "You said it right at the PD in LA. You said you were doing the best you could…I know that now. I also know why there was always this…space between us." Jim looked at her fearfully. "Mom told me…about Mike O'Toole…"

"Oh," was all Jim could manage.

"It made me understand things better…why you and Mom were so difficult together and why you had to leave."

"We agreed that you would never know," he said flatly. "She promised…"

Ellie looked across at her father and saw his fear. It twisted her heart to see his worry that this would change things, making their rift even greater. "She was angry with you and was trying to get back at you. I had just told her about my baby's name."

Jim looked at her warily. "It's not the first time she was angry with me…"

"But she was angry that I had named Jamie after you. That's when she told me that…that you're not _really_ my father." Ellie looked sad, almost tearful. "All those years I was angry with you …I should have been angry with her."

Jim sighed deeply, relieved. "I um…I never thought of you as not…I mean, you were my kid, always. One of the reasons I finally agreed to the split…with your mother, I mean… she kept throwing it up to me. I was afraid she'd tell you and make things worse between us."

Ellie sat, thinking. Finally, she looked across at him. "All the visits, after you left…I cried when it was time to go back or time for you to leave. I didn't want you to go and it made me angry. I didn't understand why…"

"I was going to try to get custody but the lawyer said it'd never happen. And Nancy threatened to tell you and cut me off for good. I decided not to risk it," Jim told her through teary eyes. "I didn't _want _to send you back to her, ever."

Jamie began to cry and Ellie gathered her up, patted her diaper and grinned. "I need to change her…"

Jim was up, almost laughing. "Sure…we can put a towel on the dresser in your room; you can use it as a changing table."

She headed for the room and Jim stopped at the linen closet, looking for a soft towel. He spread it out on the dresser and Ellie gently laid the baby on top. "Can you grab that pink bag, please?"

Jim surveyed her bags and snagged the right one. He set it on the end of the dresser. "What all do you need?" he asked.

"There are some diapers and wipes in the big pocket…" Jim reached in and pulled out the requested items. "You only have two diapers left," he observed.

"I have some more in my suitcase, enough to last until tomorrow." She told him as she began the changing process.

"Got any formula that needs refrigeration?"

"I carry my own," she smiled. "It's cheaper and healthier…"

Jim smirked. "Okay…good to know." Ellie snickered as she watched the slight blush that travelled up his neck into his cheeks. Jim tilted his head, his eyes twinkling. "I've known you were all grown up for some time, but this is a new side to you…I'm still trying to adjust," he explained.

She finished her task and started to pick up little Jamie. "Mind if I..?" Jim asked.

Carefully she handed the baby over; Jim taking her in his arms as if was second nature.

Ellie watched her father with her daughter and marveled. "You um, seem very comfortable…like you do this all the time…but I don't remember you holding babies much."

"I held you almost all the time…you had colic and were cranky," Jim told her in a soft, sotto voice. "Drove you mother crazy, all the crying. So the minute I walked through the door, she handed you to me and she disappeared. It really pissed her off that I could get you to be quiet when she couldn't. It wasn't anything special…just after all the crap I saw all day, the innocence of a crying baby was relief."

Ellie smiled. "For all your crankiness, you've always been a softie underneath."

Jim glanced up at his daughter and winked. "Don't let the secret out, please…" Just then, Jim's cell began to ring. Ellie took Jamie from him and he retrieved his phone.

"Brass," he said as he opened it.

"Where are you?" Catherine's voice sounded from the other end of the connection. "I woke up and you're not here."

"Yeah…uh…Ellie is here. We're at my place."

"Ellie?"

"Yeah," Jim said as he glanced at his worried looking daughter.

"Is she…are things okay?"

"Yeah…so far. Look, can you come over? There's someone I want you to meet," he said nervously.

"Yeah, I'll get dressed and head straight over…"

"Thanks," he said as the call ended.

"Who is she?" Ellie asked her father as he put his phone back in his pocket.

"How did you…" he grinned. Then shrugging he answered. "Catherine…she's my…um…"

"Girlfriend?"

"More like fiancé." He said. "And there's more…"

Ellie laughed. "Fiancé? What'd you do, Dad? Knock her up?" Jim turned red. "Oh my god," Ellie exclaimed. "You did…"

"She is pregnant… and we're getting married ASAP. But I've loved her for a very long time, Ellie. This wasn't a spur of the moment thing; well, maybe the baby part. I mean, I'm not exactly in my prime anymore. Catherine was a little surprised to find out about the baby too. But it happened and now that I've adjusted to starting over in the baby department, I'm really beginning to get excited about it. She is too, I think."

"So tell me about her…where did you meet? You know, all the good stuff…"

Jim looked across at his daughter, who looked happily curious. "Well, she's a CSI so I met her at work. She was married then and I was her boss, so it was totally hands off. We became friends over the years and I dunno, the last three or four years, I began to feel something deeper for her. She had dumped her loser husband but then he was killed anyway, so I had to give her a chance to get over all of that. And then other things happened and it never seemed like a good time to ask her out. Besides, I didn't think she was interested in me."

"So what happened; what changed all that?"

"You remember Warrick Brown? He was the CSI that handled your case back here in Vegas several years ago and then he was around in LA when I went to help you find your friend. Well, he was murdered."

"Lenny Kravitz? He got killed?"" Her sadness seemed genuine. "He um… he was cool. At the hospital, he tried to make me feel better…you know, when you got shot? He talked to me like…like a normal person. He didn't treat me like an addict or anything. But he was honest too. He let me have it when I got out of line."

"Yeah, that sounds like Rick. But after his funeral, Catherine was having a tough time. I think…I dunno, sometime along in there I think they may have…Maybe had a little thing going." Jim grimaced as he told her the last part, a pang of jealousy shooting through him. "Anyway, I was trying to be there for her, be a friend, you know. And then it turned into something else and I found out that she was…is interested."

"Wow," was Ellie's only reaction.

"Yeah, I'm still kind of amazed… I haven't known about the baby very long, just a few weeks. She knew for a while but didn't tell me at first. I think she was afraid of my reaction. I know it took her awhile to get used to the idea."

Ellie watched her father's face as he talked. So many emotions played across his visage, that she couldn't fathom all of them. One thing she did know, he was excited…and happy. She hadn't seen him that "up" in years. Of course, when they were together, it was usually over her latest stupid thing and he'd had nothing to be "up" about, but still…he seemed so happy. She wanted to meet this Catherine who had her Dad so excited about life.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Uh oh, Ellie has arrived. Could be trouble... Thanks for sticking with me on this story. Real Life is working me over pretty good right now and it is getting more and more difficult to find time to write. Your reviews make the effort worthwhile.


	15. Breaking the News

Catherine arrived at Jim's house about an hour later. By then, Ellie had fed Jamie and taken her to the guest room putting the baby down for a nap. As Catherine entered the house, Jim wrapped her in his arms for a hug and kiss. Catherine grinned as they parted, "I'm happy to see you too," she told him. Jim grunted and kissed her again, passionately.

This time when they parted, Catherine looked deeply into his eyes with a questioning gaze. "What's going on?"

"I just want you to remember how much I love you…" he said earnestly.

She blinked, looking confused. "Like I could forget? I've got your twenty ton basketball inside me to remind me all the time…"

Jim snickered. "Twenty ton?"

"Well, it seems like that today. The kid is making its presence known."

Jim's hand automatically went to her abdomen, covering their baby with a gentle touch. "Then maybe you'd better sit down," he told her. She covered his hand with hers, warmed by his unconscious gesture. Nodding in agreement, she allowed herself to be led to the couch, where he made sure she was settled before he sat next to her. "So, Ellie just showed up?" she asked.

"Kind of…she called from the bus station, caught a cab, and is here now. We had a talk…she's trying to straighten out her life. She's off drugs…has been for awhile and left the streets months ago."

"So why come here?"

"She wants a fresh start, I think. She tried her mother…to see if she could stay there while she got it together, but Nancy said no. She needed a place to stay, so I…"

"Told her she could stay here…" Catherine finished for him.

"Catherine, she's my kid; I couldn't turn her away. She's trying, really trying this time…" he said defensively.

Catherine's hand brushed his cheek before settling there. Her blue eyes smiled into his. "Its okay, I understand. You don't have to explain to me…If it were Lindsey, I'd be the same way."

"But I don't want this to get between us. I just feel like I need to be here for her for awhile, you know, until she gets settled."

"I'll miss you in my bed…" she started but Ellie walked in the room before she could finish.

Ellie heard the last bit and was sorry she had interrupted. Looking sheepish, she stood in the doorway, unsure if she should go further into the room.

"Ellie," Jim exclaimed. "I want you to meet Catherine…"

Ellie looked more closely at the woman who clearly had her father's heart. "I remember you; you were at the hospital when Dad…when he…"

"Yes, I was there. You came in with Gil. But you left before I could introduce myself. I'm happy to meet you finally. Jim and I have been swapping daughter stories for years…"

Ellie rolled her eyes and then glanced at her father. "Yeah, I'll bet," she said bitterly.

"Ellie…" Jim said in a voice that begged for understanding.

"He talked to me because none of our friends are parents. He needed to talk to someone who understood…" Catherine tried to smooth things over. "And I talked to him about concerns I've had with my daughter. Besides, most of the memories we shared were good ones," she concluded.

Ellie studied the strawberry blonde intensely. She also caught the look her father was giving the woman, one of concern. The fact that the older woman was pregnant was obvious to Ellie and she decided to shift the conversation. "So I'm going to be a sister?"

Jim was squirming, something that Catherine seemed to find humorous, although Jim couldn't understand why. Catherine started to reply but Ellie continued before Catherine could get any words out. "Of course, you know I'm not _really_ this kid's big sister? I mean, Dad did tell you that part, right?"

Catherine looked confused, her gaze flashing from Ellie to Jim. Jim cleared his throat and shifted his weight, a sign that he was uncomfortable, Catherine recognized. "I'm not sure what you mean," she told Ellie.

"I'm not really his kid. He did tell you that, right?"

"Look, Ellie…" Jim began. "Catherine knows that I wasn't the sperm donor…don't drag her into our bad history, _please_…"

Catherine put her hand on Jim's chest to stop him. Then she responded to Ellie. "Honey, I know things haven't been great between you two and that he isn't your biological father. He didn't tell me until recently but I guessed it years ago. But that's not what we talked about…"

"So did he share stories about when I was a little kid…that's all he knew, ever…"

We compared stories of our daughters growing up, yes. And when our daughters were in trouble, we shared that too, especially the last few years. Mine was kidnapped last year and your Dad led the rescue team. He was the first in the house…"

Jim rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, shifting again. "I was doing my job…"

"Point is, Ellie," Catherine continued, "we both worry about our kids and need someone to listen from time to time."

Ellie's gaze went from Catherine to Jim. "I guess I gave him lots of reasons to worry…"

Jim shrugged. "It's what father's do for their daughters…" Peace settled over them as Ellie's antagonism subsided. "But oh, hey…Catherine, I want you to meet someone else too…" Jim said enthusiastically. He grabbed her hand and helped her stand up, then led her down the hall to the bedroom. He put his finger to his lips, indicating that they needed to be quiet and then carefully pushed the almost closed door open. In the middle of the bed pillows all around her, lay Jamie. Catherine's mouth made a big round O as she took in the sight of the baby. Quietly Catherine walked in for a closer look. Jim stood just inside the doorway with Ellie standing in it.

A smile crept across Catherine's face as she stared at the sleeping baby. Then she looked back at Jim with her 'you've got some explaining to do' expression. Ellie stifled a giggle as she turned to head back down the hall. Catherine walked back to Jim, who pulled her into the hallway and pulled the door closed until only a crack remained in the opening. Then leading her to the end of the hall, he turned and smiled. "So that was Jamie," he said proudly.

"Jamie? As in for James…as in named for you?"

Jim nodded excitedly. "I have a granddaughter…I'm a grandfather." Catherine took a step back and eyed him strangely. "What?" he said, looking at her suspiciously."

"I um…"

"What?"

"I don't think I've ever …slept with a grandfather before," she said dolefully. "It feels kind of…"

"What, old?" He asked gloomily.

Catherine dipped her head, her hand going to his chest, her fingers playing with the buttons on his shirt. "No…well, maybe, but more like…kinky…"

"Kinky," he chuckled. "You think doing an old guy is kinky?"

Catherine started to giggle. "Kind of. I mean, I don't think of myself as old enough to be with a _grandfather_. Grandfathers are old and grey and repeat themselves often and… and…too old to be doing it."

Jim laughed at that. "Well, I may not have much hair left, but it isn't grey, yet. And if that belly of yours is any indication, I still got what it takes…and I don't think I repeat myself too often…" he finished worriedly.

Catherine smiled at him as her hand took possession of his manhood through his slacks. "You defiantly still have what it takes…"

Jim jumped when she grabbed him and then flushed with embarrassment. "Baby…not while the kids are around," he said as his eyes twinkled.

Catherine chuckled again. "All right, but you just wait 'til later, Gramps." She let go and turned, walking into the living room to find Ellie, leaving Jim leaning against the wall trying to regain his composure…and giving a certain body part time to calm down.

Ellie was sitting in Jim's recliner. She watched as Catherine turned the corner from the hall and entered the room. Catherine was beautiful, Ellie thought. But that didn't surprise her; her Dad had a knack for turning up with striking women. This one was a notch above the others though, Ellie thought. Looking at the package that Catherine was carrying, a pang of jealousy struck Ellie. This baby was really his; there would be no cloud hanging over their relationship like Ellie had felt all of her life. Dad was really the father this time. She wondered if things would have been any better for her with her father if there had been no cloud. Suddenly, she felt Catherine's eyes boring into her and looked up. "So that's really his, huh?" she asked.

Smiling bitter sweetly, Catherine nodded. "Yes, it is. And I know he'll love this one as much as he loves you."

Ellie rolled her eyes; the similarity to Jim's eye roll not lost on Catherine, and then smirked. "Sure."

"He loves you, Ellie. He doesn't know what to do with it, but he does love you."

"Yeah, I think I understand that…now. It's just, he was never around much when I was younger…and then he left for good. Somehow, it felt like it was me he was running from…that he didn't want me around, that he didn't love me. When he left to come here, I thought it was my fault."

"I think almost all kids of divorce feel like that, at least a little…" Catherine replied. "I know I did. Thing was, the man that raised me didn't let a day pass that he didn't remind me that I wasn't really his kid. Hurt like hell, having that constantly there in my face. So when I got a little older, I started acting up. Believe me, in Vegas there's plenty of opportunity for a girl to be a bad girl…"

"Jersey too," Ellie added.

Jim stood in the hallway, frozen. This felt weird to him but his gut told him that the conversation in the next room was a good one. His two favorite women were connecting somehow. Maybe Catherine could help him with Ellie, he thought.

Catherine continued. "I had my first guy when I was fifteen and by nineteen, I was on coke. Got a job as an exotic dancer to support my habit and was one dance away from the street. Eddie, my ex, he got me off the coke…probably the only thing good he ever did. Well, that and there's Lindsey, my daughter. But he wanted me to keep dancing; after Lindsey was born, I decided I wanted something better for her. So I started looking around for other jobs. Not much out there for an ex stripper, ex coke-head with only a high school education. So I started taking college classes. That's when I met Gil. He was a guest speaker for one of my biology classes. He was talking about how useful bugs are in solving crimes and took questions from the class. I knew something about Forensics from a friend of mine, Jimmy. But Gil explained it differently and got me even more interested. We had coffee after the class and he promised to help me with my studies. With Jimmy's recommendation and Gil's support, I got an internship at the lab and the rest, as they say, is history. Your Dad was actually my boss for awhile. God, he was a grouch…terrible to work for," she chuckled.

In the hall, Jim smiled as he remembered those years. Catherine was usually late and far too emotional on some of the cases, but she'd turned into a damned fine investigator. He was proud of whatever small role he'd had in that. He listened as the girls continued talking.

"Yeah," Ellie smirked. "Dad can be a real grump. But you don't seem like you're the type…I mean, you're kind of flashy and all, but I can't picture you stripping."

Catherine gave Ellie her warmest smile. "Thanks, but I did. It's not something I'm proud of, but I'm not exactly ashamed of it either. My dancing kept food on the table and a roof over our heads until I could make the switch to something more respectable. Eddie was never any good at being the provider. Honey, I guess what I'm trying to tell you here is that I kind of know where you are. You've kicked the habit, been a 'professional' woman, and now you have this kid that you want to do right by. Let your Dad help. He loves you and he wants you to have a good life…better than what you've had so far. He knows he screwed up. Give him a chance…give yourself and your baby a chance."

Determination settled on Ellie's face. "I am going to do better…for Jamie. I just don't know where to start, or how."

"Well, maybe a part time job. Jim and I can babysit Jamie while you are at work, if you get something that works with our hours. Having your own money gives you a sense of empowerment. That way you won't feel totally dependent. And then maybe start some classes."

"I thought about that, but I don't know what I want to do…what kind of job I want."

"Well, most of the first year classes are all the same anyway. You could get started while you are thinking about it."

"I hated school…"

"So did I. But when I went back, I had a purpose. It was important to me, so it was better. At least give it a try, take a couple of classes and see how it goes."

Ellie nodded. "Yeah, maybe I will. I can't depend on Dad too long. I've been on my own too long, I guess but I need my space."

"I think he'll understand that. Just take it in baby steps, one step at a time while you're getting started. As things get clearer, you'll know more and more what to do next."

Jim decided it was time for him to quit eavesdropping and enter the conversation. "Did I hear something about baby steps? Cause there's going to be a lot of them around here very soon," he grinned.

"Where ya been?" Catherine asked.

"Watching my baby granddaughter sleep. Babies are so…peaceful, you know; at least when they sleep. But then they wake up. So you ladies been girl talking? You know, comparing notes on me," he said mischievously.

Ellie looked at him apprehensively, as if she suspected that he'd been in the hall the whole time. Catherine smirked. "Just been two moms sharing notes. But hey," she said as she glanced at her watch, "I have to get home. Lindsey is probably already home from school."

"Okay…well, um…how about Ellie and Jamie and I pick you two up later for some dinner. You work tonight, right?"

"Yeah I do and that sounds great. We'll see you later then…"

Jim sheepishly walked her to the door and kissed her. He felt strange kissing Catherine in front of Ellie but he knew Catherine would be upset if he didn't kiss her good-bye. Once Catherine was gone, he turned to face Ellie. He was surprised to see her almost smiling at him. She had a knowing expression that made him nervous and he began to clinch his hand, running his thumb across his fingers. "She um…gets upset if I don't kiss her," he told his daughter. He could see that she was inwardly laughing at him, which only made him more nervous. "Since she's pregnant and all, I figure I'd better do like she wants, you know…"

Ellie began to laugh. "It's okay Dad, really. I'm glad you are with her. She's better than most of the other women I've ever seen you with, especially that cop friend of yours."

"You mean Annie? Annie's a good woman; she just got caught in a bad place, between your Mom and me." He said bluntly. "I didn't exactly treat her right but she forgave me and she's a friend now."

"Yeah, I remember how she was helping you in LA, when Dakota…"

"Yeah," Jim said, sadness creeping over him. Then he snapped out of it. "But maybe it's better if we don't go back to all that, at least not yet. I mean, you're here and we're trying to start fresh, right? So maybe rehashing old hurts isn't such a good idea right now."

"Yeah, okay. But we're going to have to talk about it sometime…there are things I need to say, things I need you to understand."

Jim looked at her thoughtfully. "Yeah, okay. But not now…Besides, we need to get busy. I'm sure there are things you need for Jamie. We need to make a list and start on turning that guest room into a room for her. When I move in with Catherine, you can have my room." Jim found a pad and pen and they sat down to plan.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Reviews please:-)


	16. Changing

Jim knew that they could find almost everything for Jamie at the same shop that he and Catherine had visited. When she woke from her nap Ellie went to get her as Jim's cell started ringing. It was Catherine. Lindsey had too much homework, she told him, and they would have to pass on dinner that night. "Yeah, okay." He said, disappointed. She sounded tired. "You're tired, maybe dinner wasn't such a good idea anyway. Why don't grab a few more z's before work?" he suggested. "Yeah," she replied. "It'll be lonely though…without you next to me in the bed." Jim was about to make a suggestive comeback when Ellie walked into the room, so he settled for "yeah, for me too…"

As he was ending the call, Ellie settled into his recliner, preparing to feed Jamie. Jim realized what was coming and suddenly decided he had laundry still in the dryer that he needed to fold and he hustled out of the room. _Something wrong about a father casually sitting around watching his daughter breastfeed her baby, _he thought. Although, he couldn't quite decide why it was wrong; it just felt strange to him.

Since Catherine and Lindsey weren't having dinner with them, they decided to grab something quick and head to the baby shop. Jamie needed her own space, Jim decided and the sooner the better. Ellie was teasing Jim about knowing where to even find a baby shop as they entered the store. The same sales clerk that had helped him and Catherine stood near the entrance, giving Jim an odd look when they walked in. He was holding Jamie and followed Ellie into the shop, pointing her towards the cribs. When he saw the expression on the woman's face, he winked and then scooted Ellie off in the direction they needed to go.

After a few minutes, the woman approached asking Jim if needed another set of baby furniture. "Yes, we do. This little princess is tired of sleeping with her Mom," he said, indicating Jamie.

The woman glanced from Jim to Ellie and then looked back at Jim. "But what of the lady you were in with before?"

"Oh, she's home resting…" Jim assured the woman.

Ellie caught the woman's confusion and knew Jim didn't understand it, yet. "Yeah, how long will it take to get the furniture because I'm so ready to move into his room…" Ellie interjected.

The woman gasped. "But the other lady?"

"Has her own room," Ellie said flatly as if she were bored.

Jim shrugged. "But I plan to stay with her sometimes too…" He'd realized what the woman was thinking and decided to play with it.

The air was suddenly full of the woman's indignation. Amused, Ellie shrugged. "It's okay, he likes women and they like him. He's surrounded by them. I know he doesn't look it, but he's always packing heat," she concluded suggestively. Jim smirked at her double meaning, referring to him carrying a gun, which the woman totally misunderstood.

Suddenly the woman's expression turned from indignation to one of appraisal and interest. Jim grinned impishly and Ellie snickered. Jamie got restless and Jim patted her bottom to quiet her. "Uh oh…," he said, looking at Ellie. "You got something to change her with?"

The clerk told them that there was a changing room back by the restrooms and that they would find everything they needed. "It's okay," Jim told Ellie. "You keep looking. I got this one…" and he headed for the designated area.

"And he'll change diapers …" the woman said, almost to herself as she shot him one more appreciative look.

"Yeah, he's a good man," Ellie replied thoughtfully. "If he just weren't gone so much of the time…servicing others…"

"There are others?" the woman gasped.

"Oh, he's on call 24/7," Ellie responded. "Although it gets him into trouble sometimes; he was shot, you know, a couple of years ago over some woman in a hotel room…I never knew her name." Ellie let that little tidbit dangle and then turned back to the cribs. "So, does this one come in a different finish? I really don't want the white…wood maybe?"

"Honey, you are so young and pretty and he's so…much older. You shouldn't have to share a man with anybody. Are you sure this is the way you want to raise your child?"

Ellie looked at the woman with a look of horror. "Oh, he's the best thing for Jamie. And I've been sharing him for years. I fought it for a long time, but it's useless. He'll never change. So I've had to resign myself to sharing him. And it's okay. Catherine is good for him and I'm looking forward to their new baby. It'll be someone for Jamie to play with…" Ellie gave her a reassuring smile. "Now, about the crib…"

By the time Jim returned with Jamie, Ellie had selected a crib and dresser. "I hope it's not too much?" she asked Jim.

"No, not at all. You and my princess deserve a nice set up. Are you sure that's all you need?"

"For furniture? Yeah. But there are the other things on the list…" They continued shopping and after giving the woman the same address for the furniture delivery, they left the shop with several bags and Jim a couple of paychecks poorer. Once they were settled in the car, both started laughing. "That woman couldn't decide if you were evil or a real stud," Ellie laughed. "She kept looking you over like she was trying to decide if she wanted in on the party or not."

"Yeah," Jim chuckled. "I felt her sizing me up a couple of times. I really didn't intend to take it that far. I was going to set her straight after the first little volley. But it just kept going."

"I did that," Ellie confessed. "I said some things that are true but in a way that she totally misunderstood…"

"I'll have to warn Catherine. She likes that shop and I'm sure she'll go back…"

Still chuckling, they drove back to Jim's place. It was time to feed Jamie and put her to bed. While Ellie was taking care of that, Jim went to his room to have some privacy while he called Catherine. "Look, I've been thinking," he told her. "I'm not waiting on Gil anymore. We're getting married; the sooner the better."

"You want me to talk to him at work tonight?" she asked.

"No, I'll go over and talk to him myself. You know how he can be…so protective of his privacy and all… But I want him to understand…"

"Yeah, I don't think he'll care. I just wish I knew why he and Sara are dragging their feet."

"Yeah, me too," Jim replied. "After what you told me in the hospital, I would have thought they would be married by now. Have you even seen Sara lately? I know I haven't heard form her in weeks…"

"Come to think of it, no. And Gil hasn't mentioned her either."

"You don't think…"

"That she skipped out again? It's possible. Gil has been even quieter than usual lately… and he's looking a little rough."

"So, I'll definitely be over later to talk to him at work. Maybe you'll have time to get some coffee with me. I miss your face."

"Just my face?" she asked coyly.

His chuckle was deep and lusty. "No…but I have to remain cool here; there are children nearby…"

Catherine closed her eyes. "I'm imagining your arms around me, my face against that animal pelt of yours. It feels so safe, so warm…" Jim groaned. "I miss you in my arms, Baby. I wish I could hold you like that all the time."

"Mmmmm, yeah. So, I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah. I'll find you after I talk to Gil."

"Okay, I love you."

"Love you too, Baby." He hesitated before hanging up, not wanting to lose the tenuous connection, but a baby's cry from the other room got his attention and he closed the phone.

Jim found Gil in his office. Gil's appearance surprised him. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping well, his eyes heavy with fatigue and pallor in his color. Gil looked grey. "Hey Gil," Jim greeted him.

Gil looked up from his papers, sadness coating him like an extra skin. "Jim."

"You oaky, I mean…you're looking kind of grim…"

"Yeah…" Gil's expression, the one that signaled the privacy shield, told Jim to back off. "I didn't think you were coming back until next week?"

"Next week, yeah. Hey look, the reason I stopped by…Catherine and I are getting married, but you probably already know that…"

"The catalyst is evident, Jim. It wasn't a hard supposition to make…"

"Yeah," Jim said turning pink. "Yeah, anyway…we were trying to wait until after you and Sara…" Gil blanched at Sara's name. "After you and Sara do the deed, but …well, time is kind of critical for us, so I'm wondering…."

"Go ahead and 'do the deed' Jim. Sara and I aren't…" he paused and took a deep breath. "She left again."

It was Jim's turn to go pale. "She left?" he managed to stutter.

Gil nodded, suddenly looking ancient. "We wanted different things from the rest of our lives." He said as he took off his glasses and leaned back in his chair. "I want to finish what I started here, retire to some sort of consulting role and do some travelling. She wants a family…the whole Norman Rockwell picture. Besides, there are some things about me…she wanted me to change. I don't think I can."

"What's wrong with Rockwell? I like Rockwell."

"Nothing's wrong with Rockwell. It's…I've just never seen myself in any of his pictures…"

"And Sara does?"

"She does now. She didn't before…"

"Wow," Jim sighed. "No wonder you're looking a little…tired."

"Yeah, it but in the end, the thing I want most for her is her happiness. I can't…won't give her what she wants; I can't change that much… Hopefully she'll find someone out there that can be who she needs him to be."

Jim stared disbelievingly at his friend. "You can do that? Just let her go like that…I…I don't think I could."

"Yeah, you could Jim." Gil looked at him with a hint of admiration. "You have a big heart, one that can take a hurt and keep loving."

"Apparently, so do you…"

"Not really. Sara leaving this time; I think it killed any love that remained. I'll always care about her, but…"

"To be honest," Jim started, "I always wondered if you were really 'in love' with her in the first place. Sara 'needed' someone and she was hooked on you. Sometimes I wondered if maybe you saw how tenuous her hold was and understood that you could be her anchor… if that wasn't why you hooked up with her; to save her, I mean."

The room was suddenly very still and quiet. Gil stared at Jim, his mouth slightly agape in response to his friend's revelation. "You knew that…about us…about me?"

Jim nodded at Gil's affirmation of his suspicion. "Only somewhere along the way, you actually did begin to love her…romantically, I mean."

Gil reflected. "Yeah…I'd never had anyone special, really special before. It was nice, having someone to come home to… but I just couldn't…" his mind wandered and Jim wondered what he was thinking. Clearly Gil's mind had gone to a different place; was it a dream of what could have been or was he trying to see the future…alone?

"So now what? Back to your old reclusive ways?"

"Something like that," Gil answered, sitting up in his chair. "But before I totally recluse myself, I think I have a wedding to attend?"

Jim smiled. "Well, I do need a Best Man…."

Gil bowed his head slightly, "At your service…."

The two men talked for a few more minutes and then Jim left, looking for Catherine.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

So sorry it took me so long to get back to this. I think things are slowly returning to "normal" and hopefully I can spend more time with you guys. I missed you. Hope you enjoyed this installment. More to come soon, I think.


	17. What's He Got?

As Jim made his way down the hall, Nick Stokes approached from the opposite end. Jim hadn't seen him in weeks, not since the hospital, not since Catherine's condition had become obvious as well as his role in it. Nick nodded and smiled, "Hey Jim."

"Nicky," Jim replied.

"Hey man, you got a minute?"

"Sure…but not too long. I'm meeting Catherine…"

"Yeah," the CSI nodded. "That's what I want to talk about…"

Jim frowned. What could Nick have to talk about? "Yeah, I'm listening."

"Not in the hall," Nick told him, indicating a nearby room. "Too many ears."

Jim followed Nick into the room and watched quietly as he closed the door. Jim's eyebrow shot up as Nick turned to face him. He couldn't understand what Nick was doing.

"Jim, I just wanted to talk to you about Catherine." Nick felt the heat of Jim's glare and heard the steal in his voice as he responded. "What about Catherine?"

"It's just…she's been through so much the last couple of years and now this. I just don't want to see her get hurt, man. I mean, she deserves the best."

Jim relaxed… some. "You're right, she does deserve the best and…I'm not it."

"Jim," Nick drawled, "I wasn't implying that you aren't…"

Jim put up his hand to stop Nick. "It's okay. I know. I've screwed up a lot of things in my life, Nick. I don't intend to screw this up. Answer your question?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah…I just…I'm trying to look out for her, you know?"

"Yeah, I know…and keep doing it. I'll feel better knowing you're there for her. Okay?"

Nick took Jim's hand in his and looked at him square in the eyes as they shook. "Count on it." Jim nodded and turned to leave. "And Jim…" He turned to face Nick again. "Congratulations." Jim's smile was silly, he knew, but he couldn't help it. "Thanks Nick." And then he headed back down the hall towards Catherine.

In her office, Catherine signed yet another departmental form, paperwork seeming to be the major task for her now that she was entirely too pregnant to go into the field. Gil had suggested it and Ecklie had insisted upon it. Both men had been prompted by a phone call from Jim, but departmental policy would have demanded it anyway, so Catherine didn't argue. She just sighed and signed another form.

Jim found her at her desk and stood in her doorway a moment, simply watching her. Just those few seconds before she looked up became a snapshot in his mind, something to take out and enjoy in quiet moments. She looked tired, frustrated…, and stunning. He marveled at how she could pull it off, but somehow she always managed. And when she felt his presence and looked up, her smile lit the room and his heart, paralyzing him momentarily as he took it in. She leaned back in her chair, staring at him with that coy, flirty look she so often used. "Hey," she smiled.

"You ah…ready for a break?" He asked.

"Yeah…, just one more signature and I'm good to go," she said as she hurriedly signed her name and closed the last folder, setting in the "done" pile. Then rising from her desk, she met him in the doorway, where he fought the temptation to wrap her in his arms and show her how much he'd missed her the last few hours. Instead, he led her through the hall and into the parking lot to his car. Once inside, he pulled her to him, his arms working their way around her and his lips finding hers. Her hand went to his head, caressing the short hair at the nape of his neck as her lips answered his. As they pulled away from one another, she smiled. "So, you did miss me…"

"Yeah," he grunted. "I was lonely…"

"So where we going?"

"I'd suggest the hotel around the corner but you'd never get back to work," he smirked. "So how about the coffee shop instead?"

"Yeah, okay. Although the hotel sounds appealing," she answered.

Jim got their coffees while Catherine found seats away from most of the other patrons. Once they'd settled in, Catherine began the conversation. "So, did you talk to Gil?"

"Yeah and we're getting married ASAP. No point waiting on them; Sara's gone again."

"What? Sara's gone? When did that happen?"

"I'm not sure. He didn't give a lot of details; just that they talked and she wants what he's not willing to give…"

"Which is?"

"A family…you know, kids and the whole white picket fence scenario. I think the whole idea scares Gil at this point in his life. He says he just never saw himself in that way; that Sara didn't before but now it is what she wants. So he let her go. He says he hopes she can find someone who will live that kind of life with her."

"That's chicken shit," she declared. "He's scared all right and too stubborn to see what's good for him."

"Honey, he seems to know what he wants…or doesn't want, rather."

"You saw how he was after she left before. And he's been out of sorts here lately again. He's not sleeping, working too hard, and generally not taking care of himself again. Sara's good for him; he's just too obstinate to admit that he needs her."

"Maybe. But she's gone, so there's not much we can do about it now."

"He knows where she is; I'd bet on it. We just have to get him to admit that he needs her and if that means creating a family portrait, then that's what he needs to do."

Jim looked reflectively into his coffee cup. "He's not as old as me. I mean, I'm scared about our baby, about whether I can be a good father and all this time around. I kind of understand where he's at, you know."

Catherine smiled warmly, her hand going to his arm. "Yeah, but you have the courage to give it a shot. It's different, I know. If I'd said, 'hey Jim, let's have a baby,' you'd have freaked. But when the reality was there, you embraced it. I suppose I'm feeling pretty lucky right now."

Jim swallowed deeply. "I don't see why. You're stuck with an old balding grandfather with a bad history and a daughter that is trouble."

"My man knows how to step up to the plate when things are tough and isn't afraid to take on new challenges." Her hand went to his face, settling on his cheek. "My man puts us ahead of his fear."

"Your man is hopelessly in love with you and his greatest fear is losing you; of course I'll do whatever it takes…"

They sipped their coffee in silence for a few minutes, until finally Catherine asked, "how soon is ASAP?"

"As soon as you want it," Jim smiled. "This weekend?"

"I'm off Saturday night," she offered.

"Then Saturday. Gil agreed to be my Best Man."

"I was going to ask Sara to stand up with me, but I guess that's not happening. I could ask Lindsey…"

"I think that's a great idea." Jim's eyes twinkled as happiness settled over his features.

"Ellie and Jamie can be there. And I want my mother there…"

"Yeah? Who else?"

"The team…or what's left of it, Nick and Greg?"

"Of course. Anybody else?"

Catherine thought for a moment and then shook her head. "No, that's good."

"Okay, how about this. We find a chapel that's not too cheesy, do the deed and all go to dinner after?"

"Yeah, I like that. But what about that night?"

Jim looked at her innocently. "What about it?"

"Honeymoon?"

"Oh, I just thought we'd go back to your place and pop in a movie. Maybe Lindsey and Ellie will want to watch it too," he grinned.

"Yeah….right," she said, slapping his arm. "I want a Honeymoon and not one that I paid for this time."

Jim chuckled. "Which hotel?"

"I don't care, just not one of Sam's."

"Okay. I'll make the arrangements."

"Does this mean you're actually going to move in with me after?"

"Yeah," Jim said softly. "I'll figure out something with Ellie, but I'm definitely sleeping in the same bed with you after we are married."

"You bet you are," she told him. "Only, I'm not sure sleep is the right word to use."

Jim drove Catherine back to the lab and walked her inside. "So how about I come pick you up in the morning and we grab breakfast before your doctor's appointment?"

"Okay. I like the sound of that. So, I'll see you then?"

"Yeah," he said as he leaned forward to kiss her.

"Jim," she said, putting her hand up to stop him. She looked around nervously.

"I think everyone has figured out there's something going on between us," he told her. "And they need to get used to seeing me kiss and hug you because I plan to do it often," he added. Then he kissed her and left. Catherine stood in the hallway, smiling as she watched him walk away.

Greg had rounded the corner just as Jim kissed her and he whistled as Jim exited. "Whoa, Hot Mama. You can kiss me like that…" he whined.

Catherine glanced at him, giving him a once over. "You don't have what he's got," she quipped.

"Ouch," he smiled. "And that would be…"

"Me," she said happily, as she headed down the hall to return to her office and more paperwork.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hopefully I'm making up for my time MIA. As always, reviews are appreciated and needed to keep the juices flowing.


	18. Revelations

Towards the end of the shift, Catherine made her way to Grissom's office. He was sitting behind his desk, sadness, perhaps depression resting on his shoulders like a cloud. She didn't wait for an invitation but walked in and sat across from him, watching until his eyes lifted to meet hers. The past few months had taken a toll and the light was gone from his bright blue orbs, darkening them and leaving them lifeless. "Cath?" he asked apathetically.

"Jim says Sara left again."

"Yes," he sighed tiredly.

"I thought maybe she would stay when she came back. What happened?"

"She couldn't take it…Vegas, the lab, all the death that surrounds us. She had to get away."

"Even from you?"

He closed his eyes while drawing a deep breath. "She wanted me to go with her…"

"But you said no…"

"I couldn't. We're short handed and…"

"Bullshit. The lab would have survived. Truth is you got scared, isn't it Gil?"

He tilted his head, glared at her, and then visibly shrank into his chair. "I…she wanted things…things I couldn't give her. And…she wanted me to just walk away…" He took a deep breath to control his emotions. "She wanted me to leave what I've spent 25 years of my life building…no preparations, no explanations…just leave."

"Just like that?"

"I wanted to go with her, Cath…I did. But I couldn't just turn my back on half my life, on what I'd spent most of my adult life shaping. And she didn't want to wait for me to think it through. Besides, we'd drifted apart. Both of us had changed in the year she had been gone. It just wasn't the same…"

It hurt listening to Gil, hearing the pain in his voice and knowing that he was heartbroken. "Go after her, Gil. Make it right, make it work."

He looked at her wretchedly. "I can't. I don't know how. I can't change that much."

"You just do it Gil. One step at a time, you just do it."

He shook his head negatively. "I …can't."

Catherine edged around his desk and put her hand on his shoulder. "Maybe not today, but soon…you need to go after her."

"No Cath. She chose to leave…without me. She couldn't wait, couldn't give me a few weeks to figure things out. I'm not going after her. It is over," he stated firmly.

She sighed heavily. "I'm sorry Gil. I know…I mean, you two were so perfect together."

He looked at her oddly. "No, we weren't. She was…she needed me and I needed that. She was willing to put up with my…idiosyncrasies so it made a relationship easy for me. I didn't have to change much to accommodate having her in my life. And I was tired of being alone. But .." he stopped for a moment, looking away thoughtfully. "I'm not meant to be with anyone, I think."

"Nonsense Gil. There is someone out there for you," she said but not totally convinced. "You shouldn't have to completely make yourself over to be with anyone."

"It doesn't matter. I can't do it and I don't think I can go through this again."

Catherine wanted to hug him, give him so comfort, but she knew him well enough to understand he would hate it. Deciding that she couldn't do more, she stood to leave. "I'm here, Gil…anytime you need a friend, I'm here for you. Okay?"

He looked up and smiled sadly. "Yeah…I wonder if you realize how much I've depended on that all these years…depended on your friendship. You're the best friend I've ever had, Cath. I want you to know that."

She smiled back, also sadly. "That goes two ways, Gil. Despite our differences and sometimes because of them, I think we're good for each other; balance one another, you know…"

Neither was aware of Jim in the hall, just outside Grissom's office. He stood frozen, realizing this was a very private conversation that could have long terms repercussions.

"Yeah…balance. I wish…" Gil's mind seemed to drift as his eyes shifted down.

"Wish what?"

Sighing, he looked up at her again. Then he stood and stepped closer to her. "I wish I had more courage to express my feelings a few years ago."

"Feelings? About what?"

"Before Sara…I was in lo…cared for someone else…for a long time. Actually, I still do." His blue eyes bore into her.

"There was someone else? But who?" Gil remained quiet, simply staring into her ocean tinted depths. Suddenly it clicked in Catherine's mind. "You loved…cared about …me?" He didn't answer her. He didn't need to; his eyes revealed the truth. Catherine was stunned. "Gil, I…"

Outside in the corridor, Jim had heard enough. Clinching his fists, he turned and headed down the hall to Catherine's office. He didn't want to hear what she was going to say to his friend.

"Cath, it's okay," Gil stopped her. "I know…you and Jim…"

"Yeah," she said bitter sweetly. "Why didn't you say anything Gil? What were you afraid of?"

"I'm not sure…I was afraid of rejection but I think I was even more afraid that you wouldn't reject me…that we'd ruin our friendship by trying to make it more…make it something I couldn't …do."

"So you turned toward Sara instead?"

Gil nodded. "She'd made it clear that …my attention would be welcome. I never saw you and Jim coming though. I mean, we'd all been friends for a long time and then suddenly, you two are together."

"He's good for me, Gil. He gets me…knows what makes me tick, knows how to support me. And he loves me, loves me like no one else ever has. If you had said something years ago, I might have…but you didn't. And when things were the darkest they've ever been for me, Jim was there. I love him Gil and we're getting married. And I'm going to do everything I can to make him happy, because he deserves it…and so do I."

"I know," he conceded. "You're good together, better than you and I could ever be. If you are happy, then I'll be okay."

"And Sara?"

"Is my past. I'm…struggling right now but it'll get better. I just need to figure out some things…"

"Well, anytime I can help…" she said as she turned and walked out.

Jim was waiting in her office. He'd tried to chase their conversation from his mind but he felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. Just how deep were their feelings for one another? He wondered. "Hey," she said as she walked in and saw him sitting in the chair. He stood and kissed her, a chaste peck that left her wondering what was up. "Hey," he said. "So you finished? You ready to go?" She nodded and grabbed her purse and they walked out, heading for his car. They went to a little café near the doctor's office. Catherine ate as Jim watched her, sipping his coffee. He'd ordered a bagel but snagged a bite off her plate as she chewed. After his third steal, she complained. "If you wanted more food, you should have ordered more."

Jim shrugged. "I like eating yours," he told her playfully.

"You keep it up and you're going to get stabbed with a fork," she responded.

Jim took that as his cue and he stabbed a piece of egg but she was quick and nailed him with her fork. "Ow," he yelped.

"Told ya," she smirked.

Jim looked at her smiling, mischief dancing in his eyes. But the smile began to fade and a single tear worked its way into the corner of his eye. He swallowed as his eyes captured hers and he sat gazing at her. "Jim?" she asked, concerned by his mood swing.

"God, I love you so much; you make me so happy. I didn't think I'd ever be happy like this…"

She stabbed a piece of egg and fed it to him and mischief returned to his eyes. But he remained serious through the rest of the meal, marveling at the changes in his life and in him that the last few months had brought and wondering if it was about to come crashing down around him.

They sat in the doctor's waiting room quietly. Catherine was flipping through a baby magazine and Jim was nervously working his fingers, something that wasn't lost on Catherine. She glanced briefly at his hands, saw the fingers running across his thumbs, and smiled. Her hand eased over to cover his and he looked up at her sheepishly. She winked and his nervousness melted away, at least outward signs of it.

Finally, the nurse called Catherine's name and Jim followed her back. He was shown to the doctor's office to wait while the physical exam was completed and then shown to the room for the sonogram. The doctor came in, introduced herself to Jim, and then began to smear gel over Catherine's belly. They watched in fascination as an image appeared on the screen. "Wow," Jim said quietly.

Dr. James held the wand over the baby, flipped a switch and then handed Jim a picture. He held it gingerly, as if it were a great treasure. Then he showed it to Catherine. She touched the image carefully, a tear rolling down her cheek. "It's our baby," she whispered. Their eyes met in unified awe.

Dr. James cleaned the gel off Catherine and settled back on her stool. "Your blood pressure is high, Catherine."

"It is?" Catherine said, surprised. "What does that mean?" Jim looked from her to the doctor worriedly.

"It means you need to get more rest, cut back at work, sit with your feet up as much as possible, take naps; eat healthy, low sodium…anything and everything to get that pressure down."

"What um…" Jim began. "What happens if the pressure stays up?" Nervousness was returning.

"It's not good for the baby…or Catherine. We're going to watch it and your protein levels for a condition called Pre-eclampsia." Catherine tensed and Jim flinched.

"I've heard of that…" Jim said.

"It puts both mother and baby in danger, can lead to Eclampsia and would force an early delivery."

Jim took a deep breath and grabbed Catherine's hand. She held his hand tightly, as if letting go would be disastrous. "Could…I mean…it sounds…bad. Could they…die?" Jim asked.

"It's a possibility. But we don't want to let things get that bad. If the blood pressure doesn't come down with R&R and healthy eating, then we'll have to look at the options. You need to keep stress down and feet up."

Jim looked at Catherine, swallowed hard and grabbed her hand. "We were planning to get married tomorrow."

"Congratulations," the doctor smiled.

"Thanks, but is it okay to go through with it, I mean, the wedding and all? It'll be a long day."

She looked at Jim and Catherine and smiled. "I think the wedding will be a good thing; just don't overdo. Is it a large ceremony?"

"No," answered Catherine. "Just a few friends and then we'll all go to dinner."

"Were you planning to travel for the Honeymoon? Because I don't advise a trip right now."

"No," said Jim. "Just a night here. The real Honeymoon comes later…after the baby."

"Then everything should be alright. Just get lots of rest in the morning and don't overdo with the celebration. I don't need to tell you, no alcohol do I?"

"No," Catherine shook her head vigorously. "None for me."

"I'm sure I your job you've come across men who died from a heart attack while having sex," said the doctor. "Take things easy. With your blood pressure already high, we don't want your new husband having to explain how he survived the wedding night and you didn't."

"My heart wouldn't dare attack me on my wedding night," Catherine scowled.

Jim smirked. "Yeah, can you imagine what Sanders would have to say about that?"

Catherine smiled at the teasing. "He asked me what you have that he doesn't. I guess he'd have his answer…," she added, joining the humor.

"Really?" Jim asked. "He asked you that? What did you say?"

"I told him you have me," she smiled.

"Yeah," he said as he held her, wondering if that were really true.

"Well, now that we've covered that, let's talk about testing. I have you scheduled for Tuesday at 7:30 am. Then we'll call you when the results come in for an appointment to go over everything."

Catherine's mood suddenly became somber. "Yes, I'll be here. And I'll do whatever I need to do for a healthy baby."

"Catherine, you understand that not all of this is within your ability to control. Just try to relax, enjoy your wedding and your new husband, and leave the worrying to me, okay? Besides, there are studies that suggest one of the causes for Pre-eclampsia is an auto-immune reaction to the father's semen. You weren't together long before the baby was conceived, were you?"

Jim and Catherine exchanged a glance. "No, we weren't," Catherine said.

"Well, these studies suggest that a woman's body needs time to adjust to the presence of her partner's semen… that sometimes the placenta reacts to the father's DNA in the fetus. More exposure to the father's semen seems to alleviate the problem," the doctor suggested, smirking.

Jim felt his ears turning red as Catherine looked at him with a predatory expression. He noticed the doctor suddenly became busy with something, putting her back to them, her shoulders shaking in what Jim recognized as a stifled laugh. "So Doc, let me get this straight," he started. "Catherine's supposed to lower stress, get more rest, _and_ have more sex?"

"Yes," the woman replied, her eyes twinkling. "As long as the last part is with you…"

"But won't that hurt the baby?"

"Old wives tale," she smiled. "Just nothing too crazy. As the baby grows, finding comfortable positions will be a challenge and towards the end, Catherine won't be in the mood. But for now, there's no reason to abstain."

Jim took Catherine back to her house, settled her on her couch with her feet propped up, and called Grissom to let him know she wouldn't be at work that night. Then he fixed a snack for them and sat at the end of the couch, propping her feet in his lap. He began to massage her feet, taking his time as his fingers worked over her toes and then proceeded up her foot. Catherine settled back into the couch, mumbled something about it feeling good, and gave into Jim's soothing touch. Within minutes she was completely relaxed, which had been Jim's intention.

Later, Jim went online to research high blood pressure and pregnancy. The doctor had made him uneasy about Catherine's condition; what he found online frightened him. He grew determined that she take a leave from work and he resolved to do everything he could to make sure she and the baby made it through. He knew that for him, losing the baby would hurt but for her, it would be devastating. And for him to lose her…well, she was the center of existence now. He'd be lost.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Thanks for the supportive reviews upon my return. They did inspire me to try harder with this chapter and to get it out quickly. See, reviews do make a difference!


	19. Dinner

Catherine found Jim at the computer and nuzzled behind him, her arms surrounding his neck as she leaned in close. "Hey Baby," he said. "I was just verifying the arrangements for tomorrow," he said as he closed the window on the screen.

"Everything is good?"

"Yeah," he said. "All taken care of."

"Lindsey will be home soon. What if we had that dinner tonight? You know, the one where you and I get better acquainted with each other's daughter."

Jim nodded. "Yeah, okay…but let's not go out."

Catherine looked at him oddly. "Okay. I can cook up something here."

"No, you can visit with Lindsey when she gets home and then take a nap. I'll go get Ellie and Jamie and pick up a few things. While you're resting, I'll cook."

Catherine giggled. "You…cook?"

"Yeah, I had to learn, you know…being on my own and all."

"Okay," she drawled doubtfully. "But you don't know your way around my kitchen."

"Lindsey can help me with anything I need. You need to rest."

Catherine looked at him worriedly. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?" His tone was bland, non-committal but he knew she wasn't buying it.

"You've just been…I don't know…a little strange today."

"Nerves, I guess," he told her. "I'm getting married tomorrow, remember?"

"Yeah, I do," she said smiling. She leaned in for a kiss. He felt himself wanting to back away and hoped she didn't pick up on it, but of course, she did. "Jim, what's going on?"

"I…um…well, earlier…" Just then the door flew open and Lindsey came in from school. "Hey Mom," she yelled. Then she stopped and looked at Jim. "Oh, hey Jim," she smiled. Then she took off for her room.

Catherine looked back at Jim. "Go spend some time with her," he told her. "See how her day went."

Her expression grew serious as she made her decision. "Okay, I'll go. But we're going to talk later…" Then she walked across the room, headed for her daughter. Jim watched forlornly as she walked away from him, his heart tightening in his chest. He wasn't sure he wanted to talk later, afraid of what she might say, and determined that he would do whatever would make her happy, even if it killed him.

Ellie was reluctant about dinner but the lure of spending time with people other than a baby was too much. She'd been alone at Jim's house since early that morning and was ready for company. "What's Catherine's daughter like?" she asked her father.

"A lot like Catherine actually, although younger with the recklessness of a teenager. I think that's why they are struggling so much right now…too much alike."

Ellie's laughter left Jim looking perplexed. "Oh Dad, that's just the way it is with mothers and daughters. Mom and I fought all the time about everything. I was a real brat and she was the world's biggest bitch…"

"Ellie," Jim chided.

"Seriously. Come on, Dad…you know what a bitch she can be. Just look at how she treated you."

"Yeah, well…she's still your mother and she was there for you when I wasn't…"

"But why weren't you there, Dad?"

Jim blanched at the question. "I…um…."

"Yeah, she was bitch and you couldn't take it anymore. Now that I know the truth, I understand. Everything you did…tried to do to save things just made her worse. She didn't want to save it but she didn't want the blame. She wanted the divorce to be your fault. That's what she told everybody; that it was your fault…that you'd slept around."

Jim stared at his daughter, dumbfounded. "She told people that…that I slept around? There was only one affair, Ellie. And it was after I found about her…activities. It hurt…so damned much and I just wanted to make the hurting stop. And Annie was there, willing to …I dunno, help…"

"Did…did you love her?"

"Annie?" Jim paused to think. "No, not really, not the way you should love another person to get involved like that. I hurt her…bad because she loved me. I'm not sure why but she did. And I hurt her. But I still wanted to save my marriage so I broke it off. Your mother found out after the fact. And then she got pregnant and I really began to believe there was something worth saving…"

"Until you found out who the father was…"

Jim sighed. "More like who the father wasn't…me. I still wanted to be your father, thought of myself as your father, but I just couldn't get past what she had done to me…to us. It was so twisted…kept me tied up in knots. I had to get away, Ellie. I hope you can understand that. It was killing me. It got so that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I hated who I was becoming…"

"I understand…now. But I didn't then…" She stepped close to him. "I'm sorry Dad; sorry for all the things I did to you, all the mean things I ever said…" Jim gathered her in his arms and hugged her as tightly as he could. "I'm sorry too, Ellie…sorry I wasn't strong enough to hang in there for you." They stood there, hugging and forgiving until Jamie began to whimper in the next room. Reluctantly Jim let go and Ellie went to check on her daughter.

Catherine napped as Jim, Lindsey and Ellie prepared dinner. The two girls were hesitant at first with each other but quickly warmed to one another. Jim wasn't sure he liked the way Lindsey responded to Ellie. He was afraid that Ellie might be the wrong influence for the already troublesome teen so he decided to keep a close eye on the situation. He did enjoy, however, the activity that surrounded cooking with them. Catherine woke up to the sounds of giggles and laughter coming from the general direction of the kitchen.

He watched his girls intently as they dined. That's how he was beginning to think of them now, his girls. All four of them; Catherine, Ellie, Lindsey, and Jamie were his girls, each special in their own way. A small smile crept into his features as he contemplated life surrounded by four women…well not all of them were quite women yet. Suddenly he found himself hoping that the life within Catherine would be a boy. He might need some backup, another male around to support him.

Then suddenly Catherine's conversation from the morning pushed into his thoughts; the conversation with Gil. What is she loved him? Jim knew there had always been something special between them but had assumed that it had evolved into some sort of brother/sister kind of relationship. But there was Gil, declaring his love for Catherine after almost twenty years of knowing her. Why now? Jim wondered. His mood deteriorated and by the time dinner was over he had withdrawn, barley participating in the conversation that surrounded him. Sadness enveloped him as he watched Catherine, laughing and teasing with the girls. She was so beautiful and brought so much vitality into his life, but if she loved Gil then that sparkle would soon disappear. And his world would become very dark. Fear gripped him; so much so that he had to fight the urge to simply grab her and run away; anger and frustration began to seep in.

After they finished eating and cleaned the kitchen, Lindsey took Ellie to see her room. Catherine watched them head up the stairs and then turned to Jim. "Let's go sit in the living room. We need to talk."

"Something's bothering you," she said once she settled on the couch. "What's going on? You've been in a strange mood all day."

Swallowing deeply, Jim glanced at her quickly before shifting his gaze to the floor. "I'm okay. Like I said, just nervous…"

Her eyebrow shot up as she tilted her head, trying to make eye contact. "It's more than that Jim. Are you…having second thoughts…about us I mean, you know…getting married and all?"

His head shot up. "No…I mean, well…I thought maybe you…"

"Me? Why would you think that?" She was very confused.

This morning, when I came to pick you up; I couldn't find you in your office so I headed for Gil's…"

"I was there. We were talking…"

"Yeah," Jim said miserably. "He told you how he feels about you…"

"Why didn't you come in?"

"It felt like you two needed your privacy and besides, it was difficult enough listening to him declare his love for you. I don't think I could have held it together through your response."

"Jim," she said with exasperation in her voice. "I thought we'd been over this. I love _you_. No one else…you. Whatever feelings or fantasies I ever had about Gil faded long ago. He's a good friend…my best, besides you. And that's all he is…which is a lot but it's not the same as…why am I babbling? Jim, get whatever you've been thinking all day out of your head. If you'd stuck around longer…and I know you didn't or you would have heard my response to Gil. I told him that I love you that we're good together, that you love me like no one else ever had. And that I'm going to do whatever it takes for you to be happy because you deserve it and so do I."

Jim's deep blue eyes sought hers. "You sure? Because if he's what you want…I mean, it would hurt, really hurt but I could….could….we could work something out about the baby and you..," Jim was stuck. He wanted to give her freedom but he couldn't say it. The words just wouldn't come.

Her fingers covered his lips, silencing him. Her eyes held his, her expression communicating her feelings. She watched as his panic began to collapse and his shoulders relaxed. Her fingers left his lips and travelled across his face, brushing his cheek before settling behind his ear, caressing the sensitive skin there. She knew that how vulnerable he was there and smiled as he moaned a response to her touch. His eyelids grew heavy and he felt his insides begin to melt under her touch. Her voice was soft and wispy as she whispered. "I love you, Jim. You're the one that I want."

He felt tears trickle down his face as he looked at her. "I just want you to be happy," he told her. "More than anything, I want you to be happy."

"Then stay with me and show me."

"Tonight?" he asked surprised.

"Tonight and every night," she smiled.

"I have to take Ellie back to my place…"

"You have to take Ellie back to your house. This is your place, with me."

Relief washed over him as he lost himself in her eyes and her expression that was changing from concern to desire.

Meanwhile, Ellie and Lindsey were getting to know each other in Lindsey's room. Lindsey was sitting on her bed while Ellie settled into a chair. "So how long have my Dad and your Mom been," Ellie started to say banging each other but hesitated. "…together?"

"I'm not exactly sure," Lindsey answered. "I didn't know about it for awhile. But Jim…he's good. I mean, Mom is a lot happier since he's been around. Sure has been easier on me. I was kind of mean at first but he convinced me to give it a try."

"I don't remember ever seeing my Dad this happy. Except tonight, he was moody again tonight, like he was with my Mom. But she's bitchy enough to put anybody in a bad mood."

"Yeah, what's with him tonight?"

"I don't know. We had kind of a serious talk when he came to pick me up but I thought that would've put him in a good mood. We kind of said some things…cleared the air, you know…"

"He's such a teddy bear, you know? I mean, all I ever knew was this tough cop kind of guy and he gave my Mom hell when she worked for him, but since he's been around here…he's a soft touch."

Ellie laughed. "I guess I was always so busy being angry with him that I never got to know that about him…until I saw him with Jamie. He's good with her. I know he'll be good with their baby."

"So why are you back in Vegas? Mom said you were living in LA?"

"I…um, well…yeah. I was in LA. But it wasn't going so good and I needed a fresh start. My Mom was mad because I named my baby after Dad, so I decided to see if he'd…well, if I could stay here a while. I thought he'd agree; he has offered before."

"So what did you do in LA?"

"A lot of the wrong kind of stuff. It was…well, I thought it would be exciting and fun but I got trapped. I…um…Dad will kill me if I tell you everything, but I was into drugs and I had to do bad things to support the habit."

"Drugs? What was it like, I mean…was getting high good?'

"At first…and then it got out of control. After awhile I was willing to do anything to get more…and it took more to get that feeling back. And it kept going until…well, there weren't enough drugs to keep from feeling like crap. I'm off of them now…have been for a little over a year. And I feel good. And Jamie is my high now."

"Wow. Some of my friends wanted me to try some at a party last weekend…"

Ellie looked at her dismayed. "Don't go there. It's not as great as they make it out to be. It'll be fun for awhile but then it traps you."

'You said you were willing to do anything… to get more. What did…"

"I became a piece of plumbing. That's how my Dad put it once," Ellie said as she remembered the conversation in the LA PD. "My best friend got killed because we were working the strip and she got into the wrong car…it so could have been me."

"You were… you …ah…"

"A hooker? Yeah. It seemed like a simple solution at first, you know…make a few bucks and score another hit, then go work the street some more for another hit. It got where I was needing more hits to make it through the work and I needed more work to score. My Dad saw me like that, met some of the guys I…performed for. He was sick…and angry. That's when he said I was nothing but plumbing. He said I'm better than that but he's been saying that for years, everything I ever did wrong… 'Ellie, why do you do this, you're better than that."

Lindsey listened with interest. "But you must've had a special guy… I mean Jamie…

"Will never know who her father is because I don't know. Lousy thing to do to your kid, don't you think?"

Lindsey thought quietly for a moment. "Yeah, I knew my Dad but…sometimes I wish he wasn't my Dad. He loved me and all but he …he was like one of those Disneyland Dads you hear about. It was always fun with him, well…except that last night. But he was never there for the tough stuff."

"Yeah, it seemed like my Dad was never around but when I look back, he stood up for me in some pretty bad times. I just thought he was there to harass me, you know? It's twisted with us though…he's not my real father, you know."

"He's not? I thought…"

"My Mom screwed around on him. That's why they split…well, the biggest reason. My real father was a cop that worked with him…that was corrupt. One of the last things Dad did in Jersey was turn the guy in. He just got out of prison a few years ago. Anyway, my parents never told me. And Dad …he tried. I think he wanted so much for me to be his that he convinced himself. And then when my mother got so angry about Jamie, she told me. I guess she thought it would make me hate Dad even more but it made a lot of things clearer. I understand now that he really tried but there was just too much crap to deal with."

"But what I don't get…" Ellie continued talking. "Your Mom interested in my Dad. I mean…she's gorgeous. She could have any guy she wanted. Dad's …well, he isn't exactly …well…I could just see her with someone a little more…"

"Hunky?" Lindsey guessed.

"Yeah."

"She's dated guys like that. There was one guy…Adam somebody. He kind of reminded me of my father but it turned out he was a real sleeze. And there was this other guy…Mom met him on the job; he was an inspector of some kind. He was hot. But he was kind of conceited. And then there was Chris, the bar guy. He cheated on her. After my Dad died, I kind of thought she and Grissom might get together but it never happened. He's kind of weird but in a nice way. And they really seemed to get along. But she started going out with all those losers and he sort of disappeared. But Jim…he puts her first. And he is kind of cute, in an old guy sort of way. Plus he seems to understand her but doesn't judge her."

"Hmmm…it always seemed to me he was judging me all the time. But I probably just thought that. One of the things I've realized is that he reacted the way he did to the things I was doing because he really did think I was better than that. I wasn't. But now I'm trying to be."

"Yeah, I think I upset my Mom a lot lately. Sometimes I don't mean to but it just happens."

"I like your Mom. She's cool. She was talking to me and let me know right away that she kind of understands. I think it's awesome the way she turned her life around. I hope I can do that."

"I never thought of it like that…I was just embarrassed when I found out about her striping."

The girls continued talking upstairs but downstairs Jim and Catherine had finished talking. She was giving him a demonstration of things to come. Things grew hot between them until he pulled away, breathing hard and flushed. "Baby, you keep going like that and we'll embarrass the girls when they come down."

Catherine's chuckle was wicked. "I suppose you are right. But after we're married…"

Jim smiled. "Yeah…"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

This one turned out kind of long. I had a hard time getting it started and then it just sort of kept going. Hope you liked it. Please review.

I'm trying to decide if the story ends with the wedding or if it should keep going. I have thoughts either way. What do you think?


	20. Wedding Day & Night

The wedding went smoothly. Everyone met at the chapel to witness the couple exchange their vows and then they headed to The Bellagio for the party. Jim watched Catherine closely as she talked and laughed with the group. Any signs of fatigue and he planned to whisk her away. He knew he'd take some ribbing for being in such a hurry to start the honeymoon but there was no way he was going to let her push herself. He'd get her upstairs and in bed…to rest.

Ellie was tense at first. He knew she was uneasy about how the group would react to her, since her previous visits had been negative ones. She relaxed, however, as everyone greeted her and fussed over Jamie, everyone except Gil. He was friendly enough with Ellie but barely glanced at Jamie. Jim supposed it had to do with Sara's reasons for leaving. Gil was still hurting and maybe second guessing himself a little. Nick surprised Jim when he took the baby from Ellie to coo and tease. Jamie warmed to him instantly. Greg was having fun teasing Nick. Lindsey seemed to gravitate towards Greg. That made sense to Jim; Greg was closest to her in age, besides Ellie, of course. Lily sat at the table, taking it all in.

Jim was pleased that everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. But he felt his insides turning to mush as he watched Catherine. He knew he must look like a real sap as he sat there gazing at her, but he couldn't keep his eyes off her. He kept telling himself that they were married, that she was his wife now…that she was his future. He watched her red hair glisten in the light and then scrutinized the twinkle in her blue eyes. Her face was radiant, her happiness shining through. That's what made him go all mushy. She was that happy…that happy to be married to him.

He was aware of the others, aware of their congratulations and good wishes. But he was floating, Catherine his only anchor. And as the dinner ended and he took her upstairs for their wedding night, he really didn't give a rat's ass whether they had sex. He just wanted to hold her, feel her next to him, and revel in the knowledge that he would spend every night with his arms wrapped around her, feeling her warmth. He would spend the rest of the night in heaven.

Catherine seemed to have her own plans. Her nightgown, if there was enough fabric there to call it a gown Jim mused, was…enticing. Even with the little basketball she was carrying in her abdomen, she was about the sexiest thing he'd ever seen while wearing that gown. It was see-through too, teasing him with the contour and glimpses of skin of her pregnancy-enhanced breasts. She knew his weakness and was working it. Everything about her oozed desire and it was aimed at him. The more he tried to hold back and take things slow, the more brazen she became. Finally, she took his hand, put it on her breast, and looked at him with pure lust. Jim groaned, pulled her down on the bed next to him, wrapped his arms around her and lovingly but firmly told her to slow down.

She sat up, pouting. He pulled her back to him, her head resting on his shoulder with his arm around her. "Baby, you gotta quit this. You're too much temptation; you know I turn to putty when you look at me like that and we'd never get over it if anything happened to the baby."

"But nothing's going to happen…"

"We're not going to risk it by overdoing things." He used his finger to turn her head up to look at him. "And think about me…if something happened to you…I just can't risk that, even more than the baby, losing you…it'd be….I don't think I could deal, you know."

She looked at him intently. Her expression changed to understanding. "Okay…I get it."

"Good," he smiled. "But that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun, you know?"

"Oh?" she said, her interest peaked.

"Yeah." He reached over to his overnight bag and pulled out a jar. "Stretch out with your head at the foot," he told her.

She looked at him quizzically but did as she was told. Jim propped up against the headboard and took her feet in his lap. He opened the jar, scooped some of the contents onto his fingers and very gently began to massage her feet, one at a time. "The lady at the baby store says this is great for stretch marks, sore nipples and dry skin. So I'm going to start at your feet and work my way up."

"And you think that won't raise my blood pressure?" Catherine chuckled.

"Maybe…but we'll take it slow and easy. I mean, the doc said take it easy, she didn't say we couldn't do _anything_…"

Catherine looked pensive. "It's not fair."

"Baby…you stuck with me when I couldn't …participate. We made it through that, we'll be okay with this. And she did say more sex, just no stress. So we're going to go slow and easy"

"Yeah," she said grinning. "Right…"

"Meantime, where are we going for out real Honeymoon? Not Cancun, but anyplace else is on the table…"

"Not Cancun? Why not?"

"You went there with Eddie. I don't want to repeat that fiasco…" Jim said as he gently moved from her feet to her calves.

Catherine was beginning to feel very relaxed, warm and fuzzy. "So where?"

"Your choice, Baby. Is there someplace you've always wanted to go?"

"Yeah, just about anyplace…New York, maybe. Or…The Caribbean…you mentioned Fiji once."

"Yeah…they all sound good, although I'd rather take you to New York another time. It's too close to home for me. I don't want old my old memories intruding either."

"What about Europe?"

"Where in Europe?" He asked as his hands made their way up to her thighs.

She cooed softly before answering. "Paris maybe…or Italy."

"Italy is nice. I've been there…to Rome. Old World Romance…"

"Ahhh," she mumbled as his hands worked their magic. "Jim please…"

"You like that?" His voice was growing husky.

"Yes…and no…it's frustrating." His hands were dangerously close to her hot spot. Her body was responding predictably, which was having an equal effect on him. Jim let out a low growl and moved his hands up to her abdomen, dipping into the jar for more cream. He began to rub it over her stretch marks, careful not to put too much pressure on her. Catherine closed her eyes, enjoying his attention but frustrated by it also. "Jim, please…"

"Slow and easy, Baby…slow and easy…" He continued to rub the cream in, tenderly caressing her abdomen. They were both surprised when his hand received a jolt from her tummy. "Ow!" she exclaimed. After the initial shock, Jim began to chuckle. "Little guy has a big kick"

"Guy? It could be a girl, you know."

"With a kick like that…no way. It's a boy." Jim pronounced.

Catherine smirked. "Girls can kick too, you know."

"Yeah, I had one catch me in the nuts once; I was a rookie and trying to make an arrest. Couldn't stand up straight for hours, it seemed."

"Ah, poor Jim," Catherine cooed. "Want me to kiss them and make it better?"

Jim's eyebrow shot up. "It happened a _long_ time ago. I think I'm all better now. Besides, I haven't finished with you…" He began to massage her tummy again.

Catherine settled back and concentrated on his hands on her stomach. "The baby likes that," she said. "It's calming down." Jim grinned and stared at her tummy intently. "God I hope I do a better job this time," he said quietly.

Catherine sat up and put her hand on his cheek; his eyes turned up to gaze into hers. As their eyes locked, warmth filled him. They spoke to one another through their stare, conveying feelings for which neither had words. But their silent communication infused Jim with confidence. She trusted him to be a good father to their baby and he knew he would because he couldn't let her down.

His hands had stopped their motion while he gazed at his wife, a subtle movement under them. "The baby is rolling," Catherine told him quietly. "Mmmm," Jim muttered then moved his hands away, travelling upwards to her breasts. "Baby needs to take a nap…he's too young for the rest..."

He reached for the jar to dip his fingers into the cream but Catherine stopped him. "I think you're supposed to help me toughen them up before you put that on…" she told him, her eyes indicating the jar of cream.

"Yeah?" he grunted. "How do I do that?" His eyes danced.

"Well, you're helping me get them ready for breast feeding, so how so you think?"

"I think this is going to be fun,' he muttered as he moved closer. Catherine watched, amused as he began to tongue her nipples, slowly bringing them to little peaks. She knew that he was a "breast man" and would be delighted in "helping" her. Jim took his time, continuing his slow and easy theme for the night. He nibbled, licked, sucked and suckled until Catherine was certain that she would be feeling the effects the next day. And then she relished his repair work with the cream. His touch was gentle but firm as he rubbed it in, bringing her more pleasure and more moisture below. The baby was quiet, obviously basking in the sensations of pleasure that its mother was enjoying.

Finally, Catherine had decided that she'd had enough; it was time for him to put out. Easing herself up, she pushed him back, grabbed his manhood and straddling him, eased herself onto it. His hands went to her hips instinctively as she encased him and he fought the urge to buck under her. Their eyes met again in mutual pleasure and they remained locked as she began her ride.

Jim's earlier desire to simply hold her was forgotten as she surrounded him, her silky wetness heating his already burning pole. His eyes left hers long enough to glimpse her breasts, dangling in front of him, taunting him with their nearness. He reached for them, pulling her to him so that his tongue could continue its work from before. By now, he was so hot he was sucking in air and he heard her doing the same between moans of pleasure. It wasn't long before they were pounding together, his piston boring deeper into her shaft, bringing them closer to ecstasy with each stroke until she erupted, and taking him with her over the precipice and into flight. He felt his release as she spasmed around him and as they began their descent, he pulled her too him, the warmth of her body on his adding to his pleasure.

They lay like that for several minutes, still connected by his softening stick. And as he held her, Jim realized that this was what he'd been searching for his whole life, this connectedness, this oneness. So he held her tighter, afraid to let go, afraid that it was all a dream and he'd wake up, or worse that it wasn't a dream and he'd screw it up. She moaned and straightened up, looking at him apologetically. "Bathroom," she muttered as she disconnected and climbed off the bed to head in that direction. His eyes followed her, unable to let go of the sight of her until she disappeared behind the door.

Euphoria settled over him as he lay there, chilled by her absence but assured that she'd be back soon. He knew that they still had challenges ahead; Ellie and Jamie, the baby, Lindsey and their careers all would bring stress into their lives. But all Jim could really think about was that it was real, they were married, and together they would deal with it all. And when life got rough, he would find comfort and solace in her warmth, just as he hoped she would find with him. Jim Brass had never been so happy; more than that, he had never felt such peace.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I really appreciate those who have reviewd this story since my return from being AWOL. There have been few, however, which leads me to believe that interest in this story has waned. So unless there is a barage of reviews requesting more I will leave it here. It seems like a good place to end. In any case, I hope you enjoyed sharing in my little fantasy. It is so much more fun when others are along for the ride:-)


End file.
